39 yo male, married to a woman and have 4 kids

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I never told anyone and don't intend on telling anyone this - but I am bisexual, or at least if I were single, I would be open to men. I guess the way I see it I require a deep connection with someone before I have sex with them, and I accept in my adulthood that I have always been open to it but never admitted it to myself until my 20s.

However, I decided not to act on it, and am ok with not acting on it ever (of course, I am married, but even if I was a widow Id probably end up with another woman).

I guess I realized it when a guy I was really close friends with in college propositioned me. I was hanging out with him and he said he wanted to have sex with me. I left, and I realized I was mad more that he was dating someone else (a woman) rather than the proposition itself. I realized what turned me off was not his gender but his dishonesty as a person. I had never thought of him like that before then (and did not after), but I would say that my reaction eventually convinced me that I wasn't 100% straight.

I tried to still be friendly with him after that but really our friendship ended about that time. I was not offended at all - just mad that someone would try to cheat.

I think if I were single again, Id be reluctant to go for men mainly because my impression of most men is pretty low. I hate the constant pissing contest that the bulk of men undertake the instant they meet another man. I've simply found most men I've met in my life unattractive from a personality point of view.

Luckily for you, the gay hookup culture is such that you don't have to find out what a sexual partner's personality is like. Hell, you don't even have to learn his first name.

Yeah that is totally opposite of my personality.

I have to find someone attractive personality wise first before I can be sexually attracted to them.

I did not have a mother growing up so growing up, my fear was always falling for an older woman (20+years older).

It almost happened THREE TIMES. I am thankful I avoided that because I think had I gone that route I would have woken up one day and been like, "why did I pick a spouse based on childhood issues?"

I don't like hookup culture, gay, straight, or whatever. I think people who have sex with people they don't love are akin to drug addicts.

If I were to hypothetically pursue a relationship with a man, it would have to be someone open to lifelong monogamy and commitment to each other. I have just never met a guy that 1) I was into and liked and respected 2) didn't just want to hook up. I've had multiple guys proposition me (I have... well a desirable behind as I've been told.). I find that incredibly unattractive. If I were to have sex with a guy, it would be the whole "dating for a little bit, get to know and trust them, and then take it slow," - just as I did with women.