Hi! New Here. Need advice!

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I'm so upset right now! My son is 21 and has Aspergers. I'm having issues with my son's father who wants to control every aspect of our son's life, including making any decisions without consulting with me. We're divorced and our son goes back and forth between us, but my ex seems to control what days I see our son. It's supposed to be 50/50, but it doesn't seem that way. I agreed that our son could stay with him during the week because he goes to college and my ex doesn't work. I work so I don't have the flexibility that my ex has. I feel like our son is in the middle. Because of his autism, he can't stand up to his father and my opinion is that he's too afraid to. Since my son is of age, any written custody agreement is null and void. I don't know what to do. For example, our son told his father that he wanted to spend this weekend and next weekend with me, so I could spend more time with him, but I just found out that my ex got tickets to a movie and lunch next Saturday and won't allow our son to spend that weekend that he promised to me. When I started to fight with my ex about it, my son threw up because he's so upset. I don't want to put him in the middle but I want to spend more time with him.

There has to be something that I can do. I live in Florida and I don't know the laws regarding special needs adults. I don't have the money for an attorney. Thanks!

Looks like your situation centers around your relation with your ex - the fact that you have an autistic son being just an aspect of it.

How well is your son doing? How independent can he be? I believe it's time to offer him as much independence as he can carry.

While it won't solve the issues with your ex, it would at least free your son.

Thanks for answering my question. My son is in a special program through a local college that teaches him life skills. I don't know if he can live by himself. He has high functioning autism. He is 21 but can't drive. So the question about how independent he is, I cannot answer. Because he has always lived with me and my ex-husband.

The number one emotion in those on the spectrum is anxiety, as you’re probably very aware, hence your son’s reaction.

So sorry that you’re not being respected by your ex. This sounds so stressful! Sadly, it’s not unusual!

If your son’s father is not adhering to what the court has granted, equal access, then please have a read of the following… in it, you’ll learn that you have every right to gain back whatever time was lost, that was meant to be time spent with your son…
https://sbrownlawyer.com/2021/03/30/what-can-be-done-when-the-other-parent-consistently-violates-the-child-custody-agreement/

I understand you can’t be dealing with a solicitor. If this were happening to me, I’d

1. cease any negative confrontations in front of your son.

2. Attempt positive outcome via written/email communication.

3. If this doesn’t work, plan out a monthly calendar for your son, clearly showing where he will be on each weekend.

At 21yrs, he is an adult. Does he have speech? Is he able to communicate with you, what his wishes are?

I hope that as time passes, you will all be alot more amicable. If that’s not possible…

Florida has free legal aid advice …
https://www.flcourts.org/Resources-Services/Office-of-Family-Courts/Self-Help-Information/Legal-Aid

I think the monthly calendar idea would be helpful, negotiate it together, so that all events and interests are known, then get all parties to initial it. Hopefully your ex doesn't want to stress your son out, either. If he does, there are bigger problems here.

There was a document for custody but its null and void now that my son is over 18. So my ex has taken control over my son's life, making decisions that he should not be making on his own and that's the crux of the problem. We never filed for guardianship. Because he's of age, the law states that he can make his own decisions, but he can't. I even tried to discuss with my son living on his own and he freaked out. He is verbal and is able to communicate his wishes, but he has to check with his father for everything. I'm at my wits end. I just want to spend more time with my son, but at the same time, I'm extremely worried about any future plans.

The problem really is the ex, not the ASD, and that throws me entirely out of my element. Are there free therapy services you might be able to access? Talking situations like this over with a psychologist can be helpful in devising strategies for dealing with controlling ex's.