Starting a new job

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I am an aspie female starting a new job tomorrow. I will be scanning and a bit of other office work it will be three days a week (Monday, Tues, Fri. I got go horticulture school on Thursday. I had said I wouldn't do office work again because in the past it has only brought bad experiences. It is only casual (approx 10-12 weeks). Also the guy who is going to be my boss has an AS son so that is obviously helpful.

Anyway I am looking to get some advice on how to avoid problems etc in the office and any tips in general as I am nervous.

Hey Catster.

Good luck, and well done on being so brave.

It is great that your boss knows about AS. I have never done very well myself in past jobs (apart from, of course, when I worked for myself). However, this year I joined a very, very difficult office environment and the biggest blessing happened to me: I have a wonderful boss who studied psychology long ago but believes more in behavioural and life coaching than endless sessions of exploring your childhood. So, she and another wonderful kind lady took me under their wing, without even knowing I have AS but just seeing that I sometimes struggle with interpersonal relationships by being rude (=honest) or not aware of my surroundings (=focussed). So, having someone at work to be there for you is incredibly important.

So, my advice is:
- Trust in yourself to be able to add value to the place you are going to work at. Not just in the excellent work you are going to do, but also as a human being, bring a different perspective to other people, which can be refreshing if it is introduced gently
- Trust in your boss to give you guidance to do the Right Things and follow the Unwritten Rules.
- And, when in doubt about what on earth the Rules are, focus on the Right Things which you do know, as a human being, deep inside you, whether you are aspie or not. They are all about treating people with kindness, even if they are not treating you with kindness. Love is a shield which protects us and also extends to the people around us, disarming them and calming us and them to see things clearly.

And then, if all else fails...if you have a meltdown, go to the bathroom and just rock, rock, rock and hug your shoulders until you feel better. Things get better, all you need is enough good experiences to keep you going past the bad ones.

GOOD LUCK. Let us know how things went, and come vent here first rather than vent to your colleagues.

Congratulations and good luck!

I can relate to your concerns, I have had bad experience in work situations at university and so was very worried about moving back to an academic position but this time is better. I think it makes a difference if people know you have AS, some problems with their tolerance improve but not all social interaction does obviously.
I don't know how big the place is you will work but I find it useful here to go the canteen at the time it is quietest and to have an mp3 player to block out surrounding noise when I need to focus.

wish you all the best.

Well Done on getting a job, it's a tough thing to do (my parents literally had to throw me out of the house before I got a job). Since then, I have been somewhat successful at my current job which was due in large part to all the hell I got in my first few. Some really important things I have learned:

1.) Make a note of who introduces themsevles to you when you first start. I can tell you for a fact that the first seemingly super friendly coworkers who want to be the first to get to know you are also, sadly, often the first to stab you in the back and can be the meanest if you do not measure up to their often unrealistic social expectations of you.

2.) Treat everyone like they are your friend, even if you hate their guts (i.e., keep your friends close and your enemies closer).

3.) Don't trust anyone. It seems over protective, but it is a good rule of thumb. I have had people I could have sworn would keep a secret spill the beans (often in front of as many people as possible).

4.) Filter your emails. One thing about emails is that they are basically written in stone, they can be sent to anyone. So when sending a email, be as non-offensive and as bland as possible. I even sent a personal email to someone who didn't work at my company complaining about my boss. Somehow, the boss was able to obtain a copy.

5.) Try to avoid office conversations. With aspies (myself included) we are not experts at social interaction in the office. I have found that being polite and terminating a conversation as soon as possible has saved me a number of times. Basically, just pretend you are listing to what they are saying, look like your interested and then say something like "Can I go for a quick second. My lunch is in the microwave". Saying quick second is great because they take it as your going to come back (they are so interested in their own words they won't notice if you return or not), so you can use it as an easy exit.

6.) Be an actor. The non-aspie person prides themselves on how shallow they can be (i.e., why do you think Paris Hilton is a role model for so many of them). It really works, I tend to be really outgoing at work because I put myself in the mental role of "people person". In fact, most people at work I really don't like, but they think I like them.