That's their problem

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Hi:

Being that this thread is related to social skills and making friends, I want to talk about learning to approach people who

1. Percieve us a certain way
2. Dislike or hate us
3. Make petty and insulting comments
4. Don't want us around because others have told them things about us
5. Think they are better than we are
6. Have a problem with you because you did things they don't like
7. You are a person on the autism spectrum
8. Whatever

However, I realized that if they feel like that well then that's their problem and not ours.

You got it.

For years I have felt hurt, and angry and I have let people like that steal my joy and I can't do that. Rather, I am learning to accept people for who they are and not who they were.

For example, a former friend of mine is someone who has absolutely no patience for people who she doesn't like or isn't interested in. It doesn't matter, you can be nice to her and she will still act like they do something wrong. She also has the need to be right and can't stand to be corrected. She also doesn't like rejection and will hold a grudge against anyone who "Abandons her." If you say hi to her after years later, then she will blow up at you and remind you what a terrible person you are for rejecting her. While she feels that way, that's her problem and not anyone else's.

Yes. She should be more tolerant. She's weird and expects other people to tolerate that weirdness. It's her problem that she needs to change.

And as a schizoid I agree that you shouldn't let other people steal your joy. Your mental wellbeing should not depend on other people. Unfortunately in my case this means that I avoid all people, because all people cause too much stress to me. No matter how nice and close they are. Only friendships I can tolerate now are online friendships.

I have never put it that way but you are right, she is weird that way but that's who she is. Though we haven't spoken in years, I found a Tiktok account of hers. Based on what I watched, she's a victim who wants attention and so she creates annoying videos with boring content. As for her changing, again, those are her problem. It's also her problem that she doesn't want anything to do with anyone who rejects her and later comes back.

As for us being re-connecting, we just aren't compatible.

why would you like to be with someone that doesnt like you. stay away from people that dont like you. you have to deal with people appropriately. find people that you would like. popular people are ones that act in a friendly and outgoing manner. bullies are not popular but tolerated because people dont want their negative attention. no one likes a bully but no one is going to go out of their way for you to upset that bully. instead of them just saying, leave them alone and move on. if you get abuse from following people that are abusive it is because you asked for it. if you show some kind of odd behaviour that people do not like you are going to get negative behaviour back.
there was someone at work, who openly started making nasty comments about me to others. the others ignored him but he did not really stop being nasty. he was a manipulative person, showing me as a naieve fool because i trusted him. i trusted his fake honesty. this was done in front of others. the warning was there from the start. he was nasty before i spoke to him, i should have stayed away AND defended myself. if you force yourself on others expect unpleasent behaviour. there is a certain "movement", the title of which actually means "movement" in a way or shifting states. this movement insist on forcing others to like them. making laws to "make" others like them. the push back is met with violence. becoming independent is the main thing a person needs to develope above all. i think that the "its their problem not ours" is not always true. if someone doesnt like you that could be your problem based on how they treat you. there is very little fairness in the world. your behaviour is judged by other peoples standards. take self defence. someone doesnt like you, they rob you, you defend yourself, someone doesnt like witnessing the situation. that witness does not like you because you were involved in something they disagreed with. that witness is now against you because you defended yourself. you want to stay away from the witness and the robber. however you defend yourself, if it is not against another person directly it has nothing to do with them. but they could force themselves into that situation. that becomes your problem. if you insist on approaching people that do not understand you then you are in for fireworks. good luck

I think it’s harder for people on the spectrum when social skills such as not forcing yourself on someone can play a role for sure.

The part where it’s their problem is when you know you don’t like you and you do try to do something nice for them. Yet, they still act ratty, then it’s their problem.

For example, I wanted to be friends with some roommates who I lived with 20 years ago. The problem is that they both thought they were better. One of them hated and bullied me. During the holidays, I attempted to get her a gift card and placed it under our tree before Christmas. Well, she opened it the next day, threw the wrapping in the trash and didn’t thank me. At that point I decided that to stay away from her until the lease was over.

I have tried to be nice to nasty people. IT NEVER WORKS! I am always on the lookout for a way to screw them over if possible. It can be difficult, but it is a necessary evil.
All the best

@Ninjaman, getting back at someone who was nasty to you can also be at a subconscious level. You can appear to make "Mistakes," but you are really just protecting yourself.

I don’t waste my time trying to “screw” people.

@Kraftie, I don't either but I do have a tendency to hold onto things with people who don't want to be my friends or associate with me if I feel let down or if my expectations are not being met.

However, I have messed with people who have openly said they didn't like me.

I've had many people say they didn't like me.

Really, the best thing is to move on. You can't please the world.

That's why I created this post because so many people these days struggle by worrying by what other people think of them.

thats my motto

im not responsible for other peoples feelings

i dont deliberately go around upsetting people but i dont pussyfoot around people either
i just say it how it is and if they dont like it then its their problem

im happy not having any friends

I made it quite easy on myself: I became a recluse, even though I’m about to be evicted (again) for not keeping my apartment clean to HUD standards. I have attempted to ask for help (management knows I’m on the spectrum), but to them, that’s no excuse. I vacuum at least 1 day / week in the living room, but I’m lax keeping everything else clean up to HUD standards. I’m catching hell with the number of boxes I keep in the closets, since according to management, they attract roaches. I’m reluctant to throw out said boxes, since, with all the computer equipment I have around here, I need them in case I have to ship them somewhere for repair. Unfortunately, there is no basement area for storage.

I did try to attemp to have a teenager come in to clean via the Area Agency on Aging Rent-A-Kid program, except no one ever returns my calls. My next step, since I’m eventually going to end up on dialysis, as I’m in stage 3 chronic kidney disease, is assisted living.