does anyone else feel like they've given up on their dreams?

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today, while i was in class- i thought about how much i don't like drawing even though the class i'm attending requires me to do so. i just started sobbing. i thought about the things i would rather be doing like music for example. i wanted to be in an actual college majoring music composition- not this. i want to be studying music and all things music, but instead i have to meet short deadlines that consist of me drawing a hand and adding value to it which i dont understand- i don't even know how i got this far honestly. i was delusional at first but now i'm just depressed. i'm not following my dreams. i stopped pursuing a career in music composition for this? i'm so miserable. i couldn't stop crying today. during the art instructor's lecture through zoom, i was sobbing behind my camera- wondering where i could have been if i hadn't turn down my only opportunity to go to a university that i love for local community college where my options were limited to children's education and graphic arts. here i am two years later, not knowing who to talk to about it. i feel so alone. i would go to reddit but i hate it there. the only real friend i have actually has a life and i'm just sulking anywhere i can on the internet bc i don't know how to cope. i gave up on my dreams of working in an orchestra and it feels like a part of me dies everyday i don't do anything with my life- a part of me wilts inside anytime i'm not doing something i love.

i'm sorry Sergeant, that you are suffering. why did you have to stop music?

I can so identify with this.

Studying things you don’t want to study is soul-crushing. You’ve given it a good go; is there any reason you have to keep going to college?

I might start looking for another school and try to find a way to get there. Years and years ago, after my advanced degrees in other topics, I took music classes at a local community college. That was quite a while ago, but maybe there is another school nearby.

Try googling “music composition.” There are free classes in music on Coursera.com. I took a song-writing class there online. No credit, but I learned a lot.

When I was in school, I had no idea of all the opposition ties out there in the world. There were no personal computers. No internet. There is so much more information online. I do regret being unable to see or learn about what was available.

I don’t think it is too late for you. I wish you good luck.

I hate to say it, but I think that feeling might just be a part of the human condition whether or not you've achieved much. I still feel like that even though I had a list of accomplishments by the time I was 20 that would have been respectable for a 70 year old. (I was also a near complete failure at just about everything that normal people seem to just know how to do, so it's not like I didn't pay a price for it.) And I still feel like I've given up on my dreams. There's pretty much always somebody out there that has done more. There's always something more that could be achieved. And most of my dreams are more directional than they are to be achieved.I won't achieve world peace, but I can make regular contributions to create a world that's more peaceful.

It can mean different things, for example that you've still got a lust for life or that the way you're living your life isn't consistent with what you think you want out of life. It may be that one or the other needs to change, or it might be that you've just lost perspective on what you've done with what you've got.

Either way, you've got awareness that something seems to be up, take some time and try something to address it.

Strangely, I'm kind of glad I didn't pursue music professionally, though that's not to say I've never felt any regret about earning my keep by doing science. Just that I think keeping music on an amateur level gave me more freedom to do what I felt like doing rather than having to make it pay its way and worrying about going out of business or pandering to the caprices of some manager or orchestral maestro. OTOH the frustration of having to go to work instead of getting on with a music project has often been a source of angst.