Page 1 of 1 [ 7 posts ] 

hrod1234
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 31 Mar 2023
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 72
Location: Fayetteville, Arkansas

31 Mar 2023, 10:24 pm

Due to my Asperger's and Tourette's, I have had trouble holding a job. I graduated uni in 2012 with a B.S. in Finance. Shortly after graduation, I worked at a local pharmacy, but quit after 2 months due to being constantly bullied by my boss because "there was something wrong with me", as he said. After that, it took me 2 years to finally find another job. In early 2014, I got a job at a financial consulting firm, but was fired near the end of that year due to being accused of harassment by a female co-worker. I was unemployed again from 2015 until late Summer of 2017, when I was hired by another financial consulting firm. Unfortunately, I was fired from there in the Autumn of 2018 for having a meltdown after a co-worker called me "very weird" and asked if I had mental problems. Hitting rock bottom after being fired from 2 good jobs and being unemployed for about another year, I settled for a job as a cashier at Arby's in Autumn of 2019. I worked there until late Spring of 2022, when I was fired for having a meltdown directed at a customer who called me "ret*d". Since that firing, I have been unemployed and have been collecting money from Social Security.

Anyone else have similar experiences?



Mountain Goat
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 13 May 2019
Gender: Male
Posts: 14,730
Location: .

01 Apr 2023, 2:09 am

Not fired but quitting due to too many shutdowns and burnouts. Also have a history where I could only keep up masking for about two years and when that gave in I would be vunerable to being bullied and taken advantage of. Most of my employment history I have been taken advantage of in one way or another. Have done well over 1000 extra hours compared to others and without pay in order to "Keep ones job". Three or four times I have found myself thinking I was on the books and recieving the pay slips etc but later (Usually a couple of years later) finding out that I had never been on theit books and a crooked employee or manager (Usually employee) had taken advantage...
Often ended up having to do more than one persons job for them while they sat doing nothing and told off for not doing it right or fast enough..

Finally crashed with burnout/breakdown (Not sure which) which is why I quit the last few jobs as would work my socks off to be able to survive after crashing just to reach the time aftet handing in my notice (Or if a temporary job reach the end of the employment) as trying to work through multiple partial shutdowns is torture! Was almost "Discovered" on the floor with full out shutdowns as well! But due to not knowing about autism and what shutdowns were called, would repeat the cycle.. Hand in notice when things got too much and masking failed etc (Didn't know it was called masking but I knew I was doing it) and when I was having a burnout (Not sleeping etc. Mind racing at night. Exhaustion in day etc... Multiples of shutdowns in day etc etc)., then torture of reaching the last day as usually two weeks or a months notice required..., Then leave and have no income and try to survive for a year to recover and come back too early, go back to a job and repeat the process...
Each burnout experience hits harder than the one before and last one left me standing in the car park not knowing how to walk as I had forgotton how. Had to stand and wait and watch people walk to work it out and was like Bambi learning how to walk again. Had a few other moments like that, oddly suddenly finding I forgot how to use the car gearbox and while going forward had two moments where I almost put car in reverse! Soon came back to me within seconds but things like that when having burnout/breakdown monents and trying to work...
But though people had either asked if I had, or told me I had autism or aspergers syndrome, I honestly thought they were playing cruel pranks on me! But it was when I dated a lady (My second GF as I am hopeless at picking up on flirting clues :D (And if I did notice I would not know what to do about them! What is the proceedure anyway?)), she was on the spectrum and not knowing what that was, I asked questions. Her answers puzzled me because I was using myself (Assumed I was not on the spectrum) as a guide to work out what autism was, and only two things she said were different. Everything else I thought was "Normal" to my own way of life.
She became frustrated in trying to explain as I kept asking questions to try to work out what it was and how it effected her and she had me take an online test which said for me to see a "Psycologist, psyciatrist or a health professional" which I did not do because how could I even try to explain what I do not know or understand?
Two years of actually getting numefous doctors appointments to ask if I was on the spectrum and having mind blank due to nurves so would resort to "Default mode" by talking about "Allergies" (Turns out to be shutdowns but I did not know and 20 years earlier a doctor told me they were "Allergies" shich left me most of my life trying to find out what the mystery "Allergies" were)... and so got no where, I became frustrated and did not want to know or even find out about autism. But two years after I took that online test I was researching faceblindness and after a binge of a few days and nights watching every single Youtube film on the subject while trying to avoid the first one called "Ask An Autistic" and wanted nothing to do with autism, it became the only one I had not watched, and she said that soething like 85 or 80% of those with prosopragnosia (Faceblindness) also were on the autism spectrum. So back to my doctor and brought my Mum in with me (She did not at the time think I was autistic but was willing to step in if I got mindblank and could not talk), and so when I hit mindblank my Mum took over and my mind freed up when she did, and I wanted a "Yes" or "No" answer, but found myself being put on an assessment waiting list where I was accepted on the list, and that was back in late april to early may 2019. Not been assessed yet but assessment waiting lists here in Wales are long. After I am assessed I will then try to find out if I had burnouts or breakdowns so will be on more waiting lists! Brother is still on emergency counselling lists for suicide which he has to attend and has been waiting 15 years so far!
I need to relocate again as at temporary accomodation and am a bit stressed, so will end this to relax.



hrod1234
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 31 Mar 2023
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 72
Location: Fayetteville, Arkansas

01 Apr 2023, 10:55 am

Mountain Goat wrote:
Not fired but quitting due to too many shutdowns and burnouts. Also have a history where I could only keep up masking for about two years and when that gave in I would be vunerable to being bullied and taken advantage of. Most of my employment history I have been taken advantage of in one way or another. Have done well over 1000 extra hours compared to others and without pay in order to "Keep ones job". Three or four times I have found myself thinking I was on the books and recieving the pay slips etc but later (Usually a couple of years later) finding out that I had never been on theit books and a crooked employee or manager (Usually employee) had taken advantage...
Often ended up having to do more than one persons job for them while they sat doing nothing and told off for not doing it right or fast enough..

Finally crashed with burnout/breakdown (Not sure which) which is why I quit the last few jobs as would work my socks off to be able to survive after crashing just to reach the time aftet handing in my notice (Or if a temporary job reach the end of the employment) as trying to work through multiple partial shutdowns is torture! Was almost "Discovered" on the floor with full out shutdowns as well! But due to not knowing about autism and what shutdowns were called, would repeat the cycle.. Hand in notice when things got too much and masking failed etc (Didn't know it was called masking but I knew I was doing it) and when I was having a burnout (Not sleeping etc. Mind racing at night. Exhaustion in day etc... Multiples of shutdowns in day etc etc)., then torture of reaching the last day as usually two weeks or a months notice required..., Then leave and have no income and try to survive for a year to recover and come back too early, go back to a job and repeat the process...
Each burnout experience hits harder than the one before and last one left me standing in the car park not knowing how to walk as I had forgotton how. Had to stand and wait and watch people walk to work it out and was like Bambi learning how to walk again. Had a few other moments like that, oddly suddenly finding I forgot how to use the car gearbox and while going forward had two moments where I almost put car in reverse! Soon came back to me within seconds but things like that when having burnout/breakdown monents and trying to work...
But though people had either asked if I had, or told me I had autism or aspergers syndrome, I honestly thought they were playing cruel pranks on me! But it was when I dated a lady (My second GF as I am hopeless at picking up on flirting clues :D (And if I did notice I would not know what to do about them! What is the proceedure anyway?)), she was on the spectrum and not knowing what that was, I asked questions. Her answers puzzled me because I was using myself (Assumed I was not on the spectrum) as a guide to work out what autism was, and only two things she said were different. Everything else I thought was "Normal" to my own way of life.
She became frustrated in trying to explain as I kept asking questions to try to work out what it was and how it effected her and she had me take an online test which said for me to see a "Psycologist, psyciatrist or a health professional" which I did not do because how could I even try to explain what I do not know or understand?
Two years of actually getting numefous doctors appointments to ask if I was on the spectrum and having mind blank due to nurves so would resort to "Default mode" by talking about "Allergies" (Turns out to be shutdowns but I did not know and 20 years earlier a doctor told me they were "Allergies" shich left me most of my life trying to find out what the mystery "Allergies" were)... and so got no where, I became frustrated and did not want to know or even find out about autism. But two years after I took that online test I was researching faceblindness and after a binge of a few days and nights watching every single Youtube film on the subject while trying to avoid the first one called "Ask An Autistic" and wanted nothing to do with autism, it became the only one I had not watched, and she said that soething like 85 or 80% of those with prosopragnosia (Faceblindness) also were on the autism spectrum. So back to my doctor and brought my Mum in with me (She did not at the time think I was autistic but was willing to step in if I got mindblank and could not talk), and so when I hit mindblank my Mum took over and my mind freed up when she did, and I wanted a "Yes" or "No" answer, but found myself being put on an assessment waiting list where I was accepted on the list, and that was back in late april to early may 2019. Not been assessed yet but assessment waiting lists here in Wales are long. After I am assessed I will then try to find out if I had burnouts or breakdowns so will be on more waiting lists! Brother is still on emergency counselling lists for suicide which he has to attend and has been waiting 15 years so far!
I need to relocate again as at temporary accomodation and am a bit stressed, so will end this to relax.


You definitely seem like you're higher functioning than I am - as I was diagnosed at the age of 3 due to my antisocial behaviors in preschool (pinching/hitting the other kids and jumping up and down). I was homeschooled for pre-K and then was moved into a special education school from Kindergarten through 12th Grade. My behaviors nearly got me expelled from university on 4 different occasions - and I actually did get banned from the university's gym for (unintentionally) staring at girls when they were exercising. And as I mentioned earlier, my behaviors extended to the work world, which got me ostracized at my first job to the point where I just quit, and fired from 3 jobs after that. Not to say your problems aren't bad as well, but I do consider you lucky that you can at least somewhat mask as "normal", at least in the short term.



MatchboxVagabond
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 26 Mar 2023
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,728

01 Apr 2023, 4:43 pm

Honestly, that was pretty much my 20s and early 30s. I was able to hang on to some jobs, but mostly just part time ones that didn't pay well enough to attract talent. In some ways, I was lucky not to know I was autistic. But, in other ways, there's a lot of choices I would have made differently if I had known.

There are a lot of jobs relating to finance out there and it might be that in your case you want to find something that's more of a work from home.

It's also worth recognizing that being fired for taking the bait is likely illegal. Not that it makes things any easier, but it's not generally a legal reason to be firing people. It's likely cold comfort, but there's probably other folks around here that have been fired for questionable or outright illegal reasons over the years, I know I have.

At the end of the day, as I heard Vanilla Ice repeatedly say, yesterdays is history and tomorrow is a mystery. It isn't likely going to be easy, but there does seem to be a fair amount of bad luck combined with not working for people with much of a moral compass. You have found a few things that don't seem to be working for you, that doesn't mean that there won't be other things that do.



hrod1234
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 31 Mar 2023
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 72
Location: Fayetteville, Arkansas

01 Apr 2023, 4:51 pm

MatchboxVagabond wrote:
Honestly, that was pretty much my 20s and early 30s. I was able to hang on to some jobs, but mostly just part time ones that didn't pay well enough to attract talent. In some ways, I was lucky not to know I was autistic. But, in other ways, there's a lot of choices I would have made differently if I had known.

There are a lot of jobs relating to finance out there and it might be that in your case you want to find something that's more of a work from home.

It's also worth recognizing that being fired for taking the bait is likely illegal. Not that it makes things any easier, but it's not generally a legal reason to be firing people. It's likely cold comfort, but there's probably other folks around here that have been fired for questionable or outright illegal reasons over the years, I know I have.

At the end of the day, as I heard Vanilla Ice repeatedly say, yesterdays is history and tomorrow is a mystery. It isn't likely going to be easy, but there does seem to be a fair amount of bad luck combined with not working for people with much of a moral compass. You have found a few things that don't seem to be working for you, that doesn't mean that there won't be other things that do.

I wasn't fired from the second financial firm and from Arby's just for taking their bait. Moreso because I had severe meltdowns that made everyone - customers and co-workers alike - extremely uncomfortable.

I may try working from home. People just don't understand me.



DoniiMann
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Sep 2010
Age: 57
Gender: Male
Posts: 529
Location: Tasmania

01 Apr 2023, 5:26 pm

Ah, the staring thing. Two specific times I remember doing that were both in bible college. Once when the dean's wife was breast feeding, and once when my eyes were basically staring vacantly in the direction of a female student's crotch. I was totally visually 'absent' on both occasions, caught up in listening to the conversations. Got pulled back by their loud exclamation equivalents of WTF!?

Had many short jobs that lasted weeks. Had one that lasted one session. Was taken advantage of in a dairy farm job I did for seven months. 80 per week for room, board, and $10 per week. Another time working in a pizza place for $5 per hour when the correct rate was about $12.
Have spent far more time unemployed than employed, though I always wanted work.


_________________
assumption makes an 'ass' out of 'u' and 'mption'.


hrod1234
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 31 Mar 2023
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 72
Location: Fayetteville, Arkansas

01 Apr 2023, 10:13 pm

DoniiMann wrote:
Ah, the staring thing. Two specific times I remember doing that were both in bible college. Once when the dean's wife was breast feeding, and once when my eyes were basically staring vacantly in the direction of a female student's crotch. I was totally visually 'absent' on both occasions, caught up in listening to the conversations. Got pulled back by their loud exclamation equivalents of WTF!?

Had many short jobs that lasted weeks. Had one that lasted one session. Was taken advantage of in a dairy farm job I did for seven months. 80 per week for room, board, and $10 per week. Another time working in a pizza place for $5 per hour when the correct rate was about $12.
Have spent far more time unemployed than employed, though I always wanted work.

I understand, though. Neurotypicals shouldn't have to change their social rules and customs just to accommodate us. If only there was a cure for Autism.