Is it hopeless on dating sites?

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I've been using them for around a decade, and since then I swear I could digitally count the number of times I even merely chatted with someone (online)... never met anyone. Often I don't even want to bother anymore, but if one never tries again, then, the definite future is perpetually alone...

I think the sites used to be better. I used to have a lot of luck with okcupid, but they changed the way that the messaging system works, so both parties have to agree to the contact to get to send any messages, which means that just getting a message across is practically impossible. I went from getting most of my messages responded to, to getting none of them responded to when they made that change. (obviously YMMV, but I was one of the most effective accounts in the system for the number of responses I got per attempt, even most ND are lucky to get a quarter of the interest)

I haven't tried any of the dating sites for autistic people, so I have no idea how well that works.

Depending upon your budget and how important this is to you, there's also matchmakers and just hiring a wingwoman/wingman to help go out and meet somebody. A good wingwoman/wingman will be able to help with the social skills aspect of meeting somebody, even if it's ultimately unsuccessful, she should at least give some indication of what to work on.

A wingwoman/wingman is probably the way to go if you can find the money, and have a good one in the area. They can address the more practical things that can't really be practiced with a therapist, so even if the outing is a bust, you should walk away in a better position to try again on your own.

Maybe.
I use twitter and Fetlife to try find a partner or just for fun.

I have a few extreme fetishes/kinks.
That either the partner would have to be into ideally or at least accept me for.
I'm tired of hiding it. They are perfectly all legal just very weird.

It sounds frustrating that online dating hasn't led to many connections. Take a break if you're feeling discouraged, but don't give up entirely! Reflect on what kind of profile and approach you're using. Maybe try a different online platform or activity that aligns with your interests. There are people out there looking for connection too, so keep putting yourself out there!

I think dating sites only work for a few.

They may be more useful if you are looking for something specific and are willing to start a long distance relationship and move to someplace new. Or live in a big city with a huge dating pool like Phiilly, Boston, or NYC. But not a smaller city like Hartford.

Consider other options.

As I've said elsewhere, the mercenary nature of dating sites these days means they will squeeze every cent.
The algorithms are designed to get you to sign up, then to get you to pay more than the minimum to chat to people who are not within driving range while showing you local matches outside your criteria. You stay signed up for longer.
At some point you will be shown someone you can't refuse and be offered increased chances if you <insert sales gimmick here>

They are actively preventing meetings in pursuit of profit.

You're more likely to get lucky washing windshields at traffic lights