Hate college parties, unlike everyone else I know

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I'm in college currently and all anyone ever wants to do is drink and party. I hate both, can't handle it sensory wise and the socializing aspect makes me too nervous to have any fun. When I say that I hate to party people look at me like I'm insane. I feel guilty if I turn down invitations, I feel like I should force myself through them sometimes. Does anyone else get annoyed by how focused people are on partying, and more annoyed when people don't understand why you hate it?

Quite honestly the undergraduate parties I attended I cannot remember. I was blotted out before anything happened. Lots of stupid ranting and raving. Was fun but at what cost?

I learned to tell who was going to get their degree and who would not by how often and how hard they partied.

The worst were the ones more concerned with fitting in than with studying.

It helps when fitting in to remember who you were trying to fin in with. Binge drinking is a serious problem in campuses all over the world. I made a lot of 5min friends when I was blind drunk, When I saw them on campus later in the week they pretended to not know who I was.

I only went to parties during Frosh. I find them annoying and dangerous because of alcohol poisoning, property destruction, and the likelihood of sexual assault.

Steer clear if you aren't comfortable.

IBack in the late 1980s and early 1990s it was quite awful the number of women on campus who pass out in the company of a boy who wake up in the morning to find they were likely assaulted.

Back then it was never reported and after an AIDS and pregnancy test (that was the biggest worry back then) they would quiet pretend it never happened. I knew a guy who did this and bragged afterward to us back in 1990. He left the college dorm room and apparently the girl couldn't even remember what happened or who was in the room (he was not known to her).

That was the timeframe of when I was in Frosh and when I was assaulted.
It didn't happen at a party but from someone I met at a party.
I didn't report it to the school because I thought my parents would make me quit.
I went to hospital and lied about the cause of my injuries.
The man is now a prestigious criminal defence lawyer.

It's shocking the number of times you have been taken advantage of Isabella. I don't know what to say.

I know two rapists from undergrad. They are both now professors. The problem when you get away with this is that you carry these values into adulthood.

When I was doing my final year I used to come and talk to a south American associate Prof who was from Chile South America. He was full of interesting travel stories and was actually one of the reasons I decided to travel for three years much later.

He was quite casual and told me even if my office door was closed "to just knock and come in"
One day I happen to be passing by and bought him a coffee, I knocked and entered as I usually do. But this time....he was in the middle of humping a female student. They both stopped. The student pulled up her pants and ran out of the room (I didn't know who she was), He buckled his pants and smiled and pointed "Hey! is that for me". I nearly dropped the coffee and managed to pass his the cup while my hands were shaking, He proceeded to talk to me as if what just happened didn't actually happen. For the next 10 min as I listened to him talk about research my mind was actually elsewhere in the twighlight zone.

I later discovered my wife's best friend in university was sleeping with two of her lecturers. Apparently in the 1980s and 90s this type of relationship was common. I work with students now and I couldn't dream of ever hitting on a student.

This type of culture where female students were some type of objects of use for male students and staff luckily isn't as bad in this day and age but I think back and it was quite horrible. Nowadays female students seem quite stiff and self-absorbed to even talk to academic staff.

Thanks. I wasn't trying to be depressing or get sympathy but it's true that college parties are very dangerous even for men. Men can be assaulted or even accused of assault especially when alcohol's involved. They can also commit or be bystanders to SA, even when they're "a nice guy" but they get carried away by group mentality. It can ruin their lives.

There have been huge headline cases here in the past few years of egregious SA on students during Frosh and Homecoming in particular. My daughter enrolled in Uni and only stayed one night because she was so afraid of the Frosh culture. She didn't even go to a party or step foot on campus except to withdraw. I think I told you that before, when she dropped out and disappeared in hiding because she was so scared.

When my son was in grad school the undergrad parties were so crazy a lot of students faced disciplinary action or were charged by local police and put on academic probation or expelled, even as seniors. So many young lives were ruined for the sake of a few beers. This was at a school that doesn't even have the Greek system, and they banned hazing years before.

I was hazed in Frosh and went to a couple of house parties, but that's about it. I don't remember attending any after that first week. The situation with the SA isn't something I even think about very often, which I suppose is pretty sad. That means it's so normalised I don't think of it unless the topic of Uni safety is raised. The whole thing only lasted five minutes. I went to a male friend's dorm room to study. He tried to get physical, I pulled away, and I got injured in an unfortunate spot when he bit me. It wasn't a rape but it was SA causing bodily harm, and I still have the injury today.

What do you mean by "stiff and self-absorbed"?
When did this start, in your opinion?

I ask bc I was academic staff. I didn't notice this, but I'm a woman.
My DIL is a doctoral student and she's fully engaged with staff.
I overhear most of their meetings conducted online.

I stayed on campus residential college for a semester and my parents pulled me out because I wasn't studying. I was hazed but that involved drinking copious amounts of alcohol to the point I could not remember what happened. The worst thing that happened to me was being dropped half drunk several miles from the campus after throwing up and having to walk (well stagger) back to campus.

I knew several male students who were badly humiliated and one who bore a grudge against his seniors for many years afterward.

The late 1980s was probably the easiest time for sex but I was bought up by my parents to look down on that type of behaviour. ironically I was too busy destroying my liver

I've worked in the higher ed sector since the 1990s and I can see that the transition into the internet age and social media has changed young women. They are spending increasing amounts of time on screens.

Aren't men spending increasing amounts of time on screens too?

I'm curious about the perception of screen use meaning a person is self-absorbed.

Is it possible they're reading their course material, or helping friends through problems, or even working online at jobs or schoolwork when they're using screens? Almost all Uni material is available on screens now. It's also possible they're shy or nervous. I'd probably keep my face in a screen if I had to be on campus these days and I'd likely be considered "stiff" because of my autism / strokes, but I'd be sad if people thought I was self-absorbed.

No it's because I've seen how young people are more self-absorbed, easily triggered and seemingly cold and distant. Of course it could just be that I am getting older and I am less relevant as the distance between me and a 20 something person becomes greater.

Definitely phones are a great excuse not to engage anymore. You have to have something really interesting to offer to make a 20 year old remove their eyes from their phone and look at you.

I guess I have a different perspective since I'm surrounded by 20-somethings from my kids and all their friends. They're all really socially-conscious, outgoing, amiable, responsible people and I'm amazed by how not-self-absorbed they are, even despite anxiety or ASD, etc. Most if not all of them have graduate degrees, partners, and emerging careers. I know Harvard lawyers and ER doctors all under 30, and they'd give you the shirt off their back. One didn't go to Uni but became a skilled tradesman and built his own home up north for his wife and baby girl. They do community activism and get involved in local politics out of interest rather than fashion.

I'm sure this isn't representative of all 20-somethings but I'm glad to know there's some great ones out there, or even under my roof as I write this post. My daughter who left Uni went on to two other programs and is working full-time from home although she'll be in UK next week. My son's thesis is being published by Oxford Press. My other son is still living large in AUS and saving for a house. DIL studies Epidemiology.

Sorry for the humblebrag but I'm just really proud of them all.

Yeah but they know you...