Curious how many of you feel that most people don't like you

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I am almost 40. I would say it took me until my mid to late 20s to accept that most people don't like me.

For example, I usually wear beat up shoes because I like broken in shoes better than newer ones. I realized at some point that a lot of people will judge you for that. Same with general fashion sense - I have none of it and don't like thinking about it.

Its easy to say "oh those people are shallow" but when you are young it affects you. One time, a friend flat out told me they had to uninvite me to a social event because they had talked to the others and "they didn't like the way I dressed." I had talked to the others maybe all of 5 minutes and said very little so I know for sure its not something I said.

I've always felt that people were like that - that wherever I went most people just wouldn't like me for superficial reasons.

I am older now, have a career that fits with me and it doesn't bother me anymore. I still wear beat up shoes and one of my neighbors assumed I was unemployed (I work from home).

Any other similar experiences? I feel its mutual now, I don't really like most people and they don't like me, so I am ok with that.

Yes, and I think I have avoidant personality disorder. I am most afraid of people in close relationships suddenly hating me or secretly hating me, but I tend to assume that most people at best don't care about me.

It wasn't always this way! I used to have a general idea that I was well liked. That changed a few years ago after enough negative experiences.

As a child, I rationally knew people do not like me or will not like me. Rationally accept the fact.

Emotionally, unfortunately, is not the case. Irrationally not accepting the fact.



I wish my rational and conscious conclusions matches this emotional irrational nuisance.
Does anyone else knew what this means? And how to actually solve it?

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I have a love-hate relationship with humans. They are very interesting in theory, but practically it's so very messy. I am well liked b/c I accommodate others. If I were to assert myself...

With regard to the "Spectrum of Affiliation", liking others does not require having a relationship with them.  So the concept of whether or not people with whom I have no relationship actually like me has an ephemeral quality, at best.

But for those with whom I have relationships, their "like" for me seems to fall somewhere between contempt and companionship, and vacillates between those two extremes.

People rarely (if ever) like me for myself, but for the things I can give them or do for them -- little else.

People like my mind which is what I can give you here.
The problem is most people never get to know my mind, IRL.
I'd go so far as to say only one person has.

When I was young people didn't get close enough to have an opinion.
Family members were intimidated by me because I had meltdowns.
In Uni I was an odd duck, tolerated but mostly ignored.
That was fine with me. ^
I suppose the lack of verbal communication and eye contact didn't help.

A few people liked me at work, but that was all showmanship.
Some partners liked me for my money and my gullibility.
That didn't last long when I saw what they were up to.

My exh hates me, because he knows I won't take his BS.
One exbf hates me because I ... wouldn't take his BS.
Host is very frustrated with me most of the time.
That's because of his BS.

Mess with my kids and you're f****d.

Most people now think I'm a recluse.
I suppose I am.

In between there were a few people who thought I was great.
That would go along swimmingly, until it didn't.

Seeing as I have very few friends I think its.likely that people don't like.me. Knowing that doesn't stop me from trying to be likeable because I really do want to have friends.

Most people don't like interacting with me. I'm too awkward and annoying IRL.

I'm definitely a "specialty item." Most people dislike or are indifferent to me. A very small number sincerely like me.

Most people don't like me, especially after I make it so, on purpose.

I don't have many friends, but I actually think that they do like me. I've been struggling with a difficult situation for the past year, and I have really burdened the people I'm closest to by crying and complaining to them frequently, but they have continued to be supportive and show that they care about me. Even some friends I didn't really know well have gone out of their way to be supportive.

Although I tend to be quite self-effacing and my few friends assume that I don't think that people like me, and that I don't have a high opinion of myself, which I actually do. I think I'm fine as a person. I just don't seek validation.

But there's a different kind of being liked, a more superficial one, that for me at least is not easy and maybe impossible to achieve. Casual acquaintances (or co-workers) tend to like someone who is charming and entertaining (a life of the party type) and knows how to flatter them and make them feel special. Those are skills I do not possess. And also someone who knows how to fit in and how to be chatty and pleasant. I can do that a little bit, but it doesn't come naturally, and I generally avoid it.

Those people don't sound like our people if you know what I mean, OP

I have issues with "anxiety", in that, I definitely go through it, though the vast majority of the time, it is because many others who I have no other option but to HAVE TO interact with, have proven to be toxic, time and time again. Other than that, I tend to not experience much anxiety over other things. IOW, it's certain other people, the "rotten apples", who tend to spoil my desire to create lasting, healthy relationships with others.