Feel bad for messaging people I don't know

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chris1989
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07 Jun 2023, 3:43 pm

Sometimes depending on what mood I am in, I find myself messaging people on social media including people I don't really know some of which are ''friends of friends'' about worries around comparing myself to other people, worries about health, about the world's problems, along with other topics and sometimes in response some people are sympathetic and give me some advice, one I know of has befriended me, but sometimes I get people saying ''What who are you ?, Why are you messaging me ?, Just me alone'' etc.

I sometimes wonder whether I just do it because I want to get a reaction maybe even an unfriendly reaction because I feel that not even those who are my mutual ''friends'' will talk to me to then end up scrolling through the ''friend'' suggestions find someone to talk to. I know what I am doing doesn't really help and that it probably only leaves me feeling no better if people don't talk to me or message me back. I seem to think is the reason why people on social media aren't messaging or talking to me as much now is because they are disillusioned by me and feel like because of those messages that I am just through it back in their faces ?



Mona Pereth
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13 Jun 2023, 4:24 am

Personally, I would not message strangers or "friends of friends" about my personal worries.

Occasionally I do message such people, but usually just to make a private response to something they've said publicly on a topic of common interest.

Usually I voice personal worries only to (1) my therapist and (2) people close to me. Occasionally (not often at all), I may voice personal worries publicly in an anonymous/pseudonymous online venue such as Wrong Planet.


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rse92
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13 Jun 2023, 1:18 pm

If you are messaging people who you hardly know the type of things that you post here, and it sounds like you do, yeah, that is counterproductive. It is actually anti-productive, because you know you shouldn't do it, you know the consequences of doing it, you do it, and it amplifies your depression.

You have told here several times before, nobody here can help you. Only you can help yourself.



Joe90
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14 Jun 2023, 6:49 am

Yes there is a hidden rule to only consider the sort of relationship you have with someone before messaging them with your problems. If I suddenly started messaging a Facebook friend I have who I don't really talk to but just used to know her years ago at school, she'd probably think I've gone a bit mad. My grandmother used to do this when she first had Alzheimer's. She'd phone random people up who she wasn't that close to and start monologuing about her life. What you're doing isn't as extreme as that and I'm not saying you're mad or anything, but that's what other people may think.


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Joe90
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14 Jun 2023, 3:16 pm

Another thought that has come to mind. You know when some people on Facebook post a vague description of how they're feeling, then when people ask if they're OK in the comments and they reply with "I'll PM you"? I think it's a way to make an emotional PM to somebody less awkward by casually getting their attention first publicly. When you see someone putting "so angry!!" or something on their newsfeed you'll likely want to know why, so that will give them the ticket to pouring out their heart to people in PM without coming across as crazy. It's a good tactic.
Maybe try that, OP.


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blitzkrieg
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11 Aug 2023, 5:19 pm

I have done this in the past (talked to complete strangers), when on social media, and usually it was when I was feeling lonely or trying in vain to make friends.

The important thing to know about social media is that just because someone is on your friends list, doesn't mean that they are your friend. They don't even have to have a friendly opinion of you.

That's actually why I stopped using it, partly.



blitzkrieg
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11 Aug 2023, 5:22 pm

^ I'll add to my previous post - you really shouldn't talk to people you don't know about your personal problems, though, particularly via private message on Facebook or anywhere like that. That is even more inappropriate than simply trying to start a conversation with a stranger, which can be awkward enough in itself.