Did I embarrass myself too much hiking?

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Figured I would try this here because I post in Haven a lot and should maybe try to relate better to the forum.

I went on a few hours' hike today and thought I was doing OK, but sometimes I think my pace varied a bit (I have some dyspraxia and try to use a walking stick whenever terrain has a significant incline) despite my doing it pretty regularly for years. I also am not sure I was able to keep conversations up to the satisfaction of the group, having OK snippets of conversation but wondering as I always do whether I truly connected with anybody. All but 2 were new to me, and among the ones that were was a woman close to my age who maybe I was a bit insecure about, but I thought I just was my usual odd but decently chipper self around her.

On my way from one part of the park to the other I missed one exit and caught the next, and it took me 15 minutes to catch up. Despite my keeping up the whole way at first and I thought indicating I was going that second part, they didn't wait up and I only caught up out of anger adrenaline I think since they were within earshot and I worried they were making fun of me and kind of wanted to dare them to do it to my face. Ultimately, I was kind of tired but resisted the urge to say anything stupid. I went with 3 of them (the woman mentioned above and the 2 guys I'd been on several hikes with before) to a nearby bar-restaurant after. Supposedly she is socially anxious, but I can never tell if it's about me, she seemed nervous there and not necessarily rude, but she carpooled with one of the guys; I don't think they're an item or anything, don't know and hope I don't come off like I'm hitting on anybody when I feld un-equipped to do such a thing. I had a fine meal and convo and thought I was over the embarrassment (I only revealed to the carpool guy my getting the exit wrong, though I figured that was pretty evident). They were doing a sound check that interested me for an event later, and I ended up leaving with the rest but for some reason my debit was left behind, and I'm not sure how but one of the guys texted me to let me know so I pulled over on the outskirts of the town (45 minutes from home but I usually don't drive that far even) and went back to get it at the bar which I did, only thanking him a couple hours later once home because I thought he was one-upping me and fear he and the lady were laughing about it.

I feel so incompetent, like I've exposed my disability to them without telling them outright, like I've completely failed to be a grown man, and fear I have no shot with any of the women on the trip ever especially the one who saw both life skills mistakes (she's maybe out of my league anyway and lives a ways away but this didn't help) because they make me less of a man. I'm a month into taking SSRIs and statins after some trials off of those so I don't know if there's side effects or if I just have more time to feel bad about stuff with my anxiety tamped down, anxiety I think was my brain's faulty problem-solving method. How do I find out if I've embarrassed myself beyond repair and should just quit the group and get a hobby that doesn't expose my difficulty with a new situation? Or should I assume everything's OK like "normal" people do. I feel like for them it usually is and for me it usually isn't even when I think it is.

I don’t think you embarrassed yourself a lot. I would keep going and make an effort to keep in contact with them and hang out with each other. I think the key to this, and other social interactions, is confidence. Once you have mastered confidence everything will be smooth sailing.

Good luck friend.

Perhaps you, like me, feel you have to present a facade of extreme competence to the world in order for people to like you?

You made two mistakes, from what I understand. Both of which were entirely relatable. Everyone misses an exit from time to time. Everyone leaves something behind and has to go back for it once in a while. We'd all prefer it didn't happen in front of people we're trying to impress.

I can give myself a really hard time about this sort of stuff and analyse it to death.

It sometimes helps me to imagine how I'd feel if it was someone else. What about those girls you liked? Would you have made fun of one of them if she'd missed the exit? Would you like her any less? Would you have ruled her out as a potential date because she left her debit somewhere?

I'm going to assume you're a reasonable person and suggest you wouldn't do that. So why would they do that? And if they did, wouldn't that mean you had a lucky break getting away from such judgemental people?

Thanks for the replies. I think I do have this need to prove competence, especially with how lousy some aspects of my teenage and 20s social life were. Especially around young people and women, I think I do take embarrassment and failure hard, partly because I think that either failure or oddness is judged more harshly by them and influences others to behave negatively toward me. I had a really bad social night at a political activism fundraiser thing the hostess in my age range begged me to go to, only to feel like multiple people were almost performatively rude to me in front of others who didn't say a thing. Maybe I'm misreading refusal to engage much or interrupting conversations without knowing, but I just get so frustrated with the "no way in" problem among groups like this and get discouraged. Even when a minority of the group is being actively rude, the indifferent majority and the few behaving decent to me don't seem to offset enough to make me feel like it's worthwhile to keep trying, but I'm scared of becoming a recluse if I don't.

Hey man. I can relate to this, I don't have any advice though because I can't really do it either! Just try to give yourself a break, if you can. The more uptight you are going into these things the more awkward you are, the more likely people will sense the awkwardness and freeze you out and the more uptight you get next time. It's a vicious circle.

I think what dudenobody said is right. If you can get comfortable with yourself, others will be more likely to feel comfortable around you.