What people want from a friend! A revelation!

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I had a revelation today, because one of my email friends was annoying me:

Everyone has so many problems these days, they do not want difficult friends as well. They want fun friends, who make them feel better, and lighten their lives. That’s what people want. So we should save our troubles for our journals or therapy.

I know friends are supposed to be people you confide in but these days I don't think that's what people want. Life is so hard, they want a break from that and to have fun times.

What do you think, folks?

Partally true.

There is a difference between leveling with someone and leveling someone.

I think people also want friends who will share their anger. If they're angry about something and you let on that you're angry about the same thing, they'll welcome your friendship.

That is true. People often get fed up with doom and misery all the time. Humans don't have the obligation to be empathetic all the time. When my mother was dying of cancer she had good friends who listened and understood how frightening and awful it is, but because they weren't going through it themselves there was only so much comfort they could offer, because they had their busy lives to worry about too. So one of her friends fixed her up with her sister who also had cancer, so my mother felt much more empathised with when talking to another person with cancer, as once you have cancer that can't be cured nothing else in life seems problematic any more, your focus is just on your illness. It actually made my mother feel more reassured, as being around non-cancer people made her feel more isolated and depressed. I understand that.

I think it's a balancing act. If someone only complains/vents/leans on all the time, they become a burden and someone others do not want to interact with (because one sided friendships suck). They need to also listen, support, so on in return. That sort of thing will build bonds and strengthen relationships. People like to not only know they have someone they can turn to, but people also like to feel needed/helpful. Give and take, right?

Though I do think it depends on if you mean casual or more 'real' friendships. In casual things, yeah, it's best to not complain much and keep things light and easy.

I have one or two internet friends who neither of us ask how each other are or anything, we just email each other whenever we want to vent about something in our lives. Our friendships just work without having to keep asking each other how we are or how's our job going, etc. We don't even say hi, we just email each other a paragraph of woe and the other will email back a supporting reply. Some friendships work like that and I don't mind at all. They don't have to keep wanting updates of my life all the time, they're welcome to just be themselves and vent. That, or we keep each other updated with gossip.
But no pressure whatsoever.

I think it highly depends. There are the more casual friendships - the lighthearted sort. However, there's also the friendships which I refer to as 'high emotional investment'.

My friends typically ask if it's OK to vent or if they can ask for advice before doing so. If I'm in a bad mental state or simply too tired, then I explain that I'm not up to it.

Sometimes my friends want advice. Or simply for me to listen. Then there are times where they want to go do something fun instead for a moment whilst they process.

Admittedly there are also times where I don't know what to suggest, because the situation being described is so complex that I wish I had a flowchart or something just to keep up.