I don’t think I can be friends with these ppl any longer

Post Reply New Topic

So, I’m in a group chat with fellow autistic people. Long story short, I brought up something that happened back in middle school, 9 years ago. The story goes that while on a date with a girl who was my first ever girlfriend, let’s just say that when we kissed I, uh, used some tongue. She broke up with me right after that. I had no idea then that she would respond to it like that, along with other classmates being hard on me.

In the years since I’ve come to accept why she reacted the way she did.

When I recently shared this story to my current friends, I said that back then I didn’t understand the importance of consent, although I still worry about being judged for instances like that and other occurrences where I did something wrong without realizing it. That would include being upset if I got a chance to talk to that girl and she said that she still judged me for that.

This is when this one guy starts to go off the rails. He pushes this idea that I’m not taking ANY responsibility for what happened, despite what I said above. Most of all, he also tried to push the idea that this girl could still be traumatized by what happened. There’s a few things that make me believe that’s not true:

1. She tried reaching out to me that summer, just 4 months after the incident. I brushed her off because I was uncomfortable with her at the time and I have since regretted that, but that’s another topic.

2. She had a class with me for the rest of that year and for most of the following year. If she was really traumatized she would’ve switched classes.

3. We bumped into each other 2 years ago. We had a friendly conversation, like old friends who haven’t seen each other for a while.

I went back and forth with another person and I tried to explain to them the 3 things I said above but they somehow found a way to invalidate it, saying that she could’ve been “masking”.

Based on all that, y’all can at least admit that some big assumptions were made

I can’t pretend to really know what she thinks all this time later, but damnit, it was an awkward kiss between two middle schoolers. I’m sure y’all have heard of way worse than this.

A third person jumped in and used the term “bad behavior” like this is on the same level as me stealing a car.

“Bad Behavior”. “Scary”. “Traumatizing”. These people appear to be such snowflakes. That’s not what this conversation was supposed to be about anyway. I was trying to talk about something(doing things I don’t know are wrong until after the fact. Something I mentioned in a post in GAD)I felt comfortable discussing amongst fellow people on the spectrum. And horrifically, they responded by contributing to said thing because of their wild assumptions about it.

Idk who I can trust anymore. If anything else comes to mind regarding things to say I’ll post it in the comments.

Based on what you've said so far, I wouldn't draw conclusions one way or the other as to whether she was traumatized. It is certainly possible -- but not necessarily the case -- that she is masking her true feelings.

But a group of autistic people should understand that there is such a thing as "doing things I don’t know are wrong until after the fact."

Hopefully you at least apologized to the girl at some point?

I think I recall that I did a few days after it all happened. Either way, it was 9 years ago.

One other thing leapt out at me, looking at this thread again:

I wonder how many people have NOT done something seriously assholey when at middle school age. Probably, not very many of us, if any.

Why has only one person responded to this?

I’m not blaming any one particular person, I just don’t understand why several-dozen could see this and not have anything to say.

I can only answer for myself.

When I first viewed this thread your OP was like an ominous wall of text so I just went to another thread. It's still a wall of text to me and I haven't read it.

"this one guy" is an a-hole.

Its really unlikely that a 22 year old woman has suffered long lasting trauma from being innocently and mistakenly tongue kissed, once, as a thirteen year old girl by a thirteen year old boy who she liked and whom she immediately thereafter banished.

Unlikely that any of the three jagoffs ever tongue kissed a girl in their entire lives.

She sounds like a b***h, but my guess is you didn't brush your tongue well, you didn't use mouthwash, or you ate something that gave you bad breath, and your tongue tasted like doodoo. That's my guess, but I could be incorrect.


They are toxic sjws. Sad part is I like the term social justice warrior, but they make it into a negative thing. I've encountered these types before.

My therapist had told me that middle schoolers are some of the cruelest people and will jump at any chance to be hard on their peers. I say that because I think that disputes your theory about me having bad breath, or that contributing to how things turned out.

I have always thought that I was a so-called SJW, and maybe I still am, just in a more nuanced way. Something that group understands nothing about. How it is for them is “you did something she didn’t consent to, and you’re not taking enough responsibility for our liking. What is your problem, dude?” while putting no other thought into it. How about having the thought that I refuse to be too hard on myself for an immature thing I did when I was 13?

This whole thing is still a fresh wound. They were the last people I ever expected to shun me like this. Plenty of Neurotypicals have done so, but not a group of others on the spectrum. It’s a sad thing.

Last bumped by CubsBullsBears on 06 Aug 2023, 3:45 pm.