On a scale of 1 to 10, how good at masking are you?

Post Reply New Topic

1- everyone can tell there's something "off" about you almost immediately, in all situations, even if you try to blend in

10- everyone thinks you're completely normal, in all situations, unless you decide to be completely open with them

I doubt many people are on either of these two extremes, I just provide them for reference points

Edit:
Also since we can't read other people's minds, just base it on how you feel, plus feedback and reactions you tend to get

I sometimes wonder if the more I think I'm doing a great job acting normal, the more people are picking up there's something off.

But I don't know. It depends how tired I am, how much of a crap I give, how much sensory aggravation is going on around me, whether I'm hungry or not...too many factors.

I don't think I'm ever not at least a bit weird. Some people find it funny which I think is probably the best case scenario.

Mine seems so simple.

10 if very regulated; no effects of sleep disturbance and of hormonal imbalance.
Giving me an intact cognitive function, executive function, and a working internal self regulating system.
I don't even need to try masking in order to blend at all -- no need to convince me to be 'open' or 'closeted'; blending happens naturally like how I am not clumsy to begin with.

1 if not. My intentions do not matter. Everything is a fricking landmine. Running basically blind. My feelings do not matter.
My experience, achievements, and how often I've done it do not matter.
Many of my natural inclinations and strengths do not matter -- like how my natural lack of clumsiness is nullified due to sheer spatial inattention.

Anywhere in between varies between factors of sensory overload, emotional dysregulation, fatigue, sickness, certain metabolisms and consumptions/input processing, mental health and/or current mindset/state of mind and mood...

Add the irregular reproductive cycle into the mix, inconsistency of sleep and eating times on a daily basis, etc.

Unfortunately, my body is not as predictable.
Thus, the inconsistency and the extremes of either.

I want a fricking choice to control over this damn body. I believe somewhere in here, I'm sick.

No one seems to be convinced -- only that people are convinced that the reason I cannot cope with 'normal human female bodily changes' is because of "autism".

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

I dunno. Anywhere between a 2 and a 5, depending on how I'm feeling that day. On my good days, if I walk by someone, they wouldn't likely notice anything different about me. But even on those good days, if they struck up a conversation with me or, say, followed me around a store, they'd notice real quick that there's something going on with me. People who know about autism ask me if I'm autistic. I get asked that quite a lot.

That said, I'm not sure that I mask much at all. I mean, I do things like try to not stim out in disruptive ways when it's clearly not appropriate and I can usually manage for a bit. But really, I can't be bothered to try to play normal beyond little common courtesy things, and even those I can't always manage and sometimes I just have to leave a place/situation instead. It sounds really taxing to me to have to try to play normal all the time.

I think I'm pretty close to a 10. I can seem completely ordinary in most interactions. But what happens is because people don't notice anything amiss, they misinterpret the mistakes I make as being deliberate. Or if there is something I'm not able to do, people find it inexplicable and assume I'm making excuses or that I just think I can't do it because I'm not confident. This has been a constant problem with my therapists. They think that just by saying I can do something they can magically make it possible for me to turn into a different person who can do things.

I'm not complaining of course. And I also am aware that just because someone might be unable to mask it doesn't mean they will be treated better, it means they will probably be treated worse.

0 to 1

On average 7 outside the home, 5 inside the home. The greater the cumulative or acute stress the closer to I am to 0.

Maybe 8 or 9 actually.

People often think i’m weird, but not «off», if that makes sense?

I was actually having a conversation to a person who knows me and this other aspie whos a lot more «obvious» than me. She doesn’t know either one of us is on the spectrum. The person said she knew instantly the other aspie was «off» and she thought the person might be an aspie. She told me all this in confidence, like she thought she was sharing a big reveal to another NT

I forgot to rate myself

I think I'm about a 6, depending on your definition of "off". I don't think most people immediately suspect autism, but I definitely come across as awkward or eccentric

0-5, depending on what it is I'm masking and how much energy I can devote towards it.

I'd say a 5. Most people think I'm extremely shy but probably wouldn't know that I'm autistic. I can play the part to a certain extent, but I find it impossible to form friendships. I do okay with random strangers/distant acquaintances because I don't have to talk about myself and can just make scripted, general remarks. Moving past that is where I struggle. I'm not complaining. At this point of my life, I don't mind being alone...most of the time.

1.5, maybe, or 2. Anyone who interacts with me at all seems to know right away that something is "off" about me no matter what I try to do or not do. But I'm good at being "socially invisible," to the point where that's my standard and I really don't know how not to do it. Basically, I'm like a potted plant in the corner of a room - people don't (usually) walk into me or try to sit where I'm sitting or anything, but otherwise I may as well not be there. I hide, but I have no mask to put up in my stead. Anything I try falls apart before I can even put it in front of my face.

When I'm on my own my movements are quite exaggerated and over elaborate, especially if enjoying the solitude and having nice thoughts. I certainly don't do any of that in public, I'd look like I was on drugs, making little scrolling movements and flicks and waves.

Edit: I think I'm about a 7.or 8 in terms of blending in

9. It's a challenge to convince anyone I have ASD and iADHD, but I make many people subtly uneasy. It's my intensity. My tendency to give overly-detailed explanations. Missed cues. The occasional rambling or trailing voice. Subtle behavioral things. They don't know what it is and they'll never say anything about it, at least not to me. It's probably like an interpersonal uncanny valley. Most of them probably don't even consciously recognize it. I seem ever so slightly distant and unnerving in a way they can't describe. But they behave differently toward me because of it, and I notice.

I went to see my therapist after I had been crying all day, and when I told her I was doing very poorly, she said that I gave her a big smile when I first saw her. And I said, yeah, that's what I do. I wasn't even aware of it.