Prefer to be alone or with people?

Post Reply New Topic

It's not that I don't enjoy my own company or getting engaged in some activity, I do, but my ideal is to be with my partner (if I had one) sitting together doing some activity. I get very very lonely being by myself all the time.

On the other hand, being around people I don't know well and having to interact with them is very taxing and I can only do it so much.

There's an in-between, which is being around people I know quite well and who are easy to talk to, which I enjoy, but they are not available to be with me all the time like a partner would be. I can only see them once in a while for maybe a few hours at most.

Then there are (two) people I talk to on the phone most days. And a friend who sends me a message every day and I see a couple of times a week. Getting a message makes me feel better when I am alone.

When I had a partner, we were inseparable and just did everything together.

What is your ideal, to be alone, be with a partner, be around close friends, be around people you know a bit, or be alone but in a place where you can see people but don't have to interact with them, like in public?

I prefer to be alone.

I am married and she is an excellent match for me and I prefer it when we are both home together...in distant parts of the house.

Alone.

Hell is people.

I prefer to be alone. If I must be with someone else, I prefer it to be one specific person at a time. I don't really like group conversations, but here is the odd thing I'd rather be in a very large group than a small group (If I must be in a group setting)

Group conversations are hard because there never seems to be a break in which I can say something. If I try I always seem to be interrupting or talking at the same time that someone else starts to talk, so I usually have to just stay quiet, which I don't really mind but it's not really taking part in the group conversation at all.

I'm fine being alone in a large group, like at a live music event. I don't feel self conscious about not being with someone. But I wouldn't like sitting in a restaurant by myself because I would feel conspicuous.

But you talk to us here. Is that because it's not in person that you don't mind?

I suppose I see being with people as a higher form of living, though it's not the easiest form. Feelings of loneliness begin to trouble me if I'm alone for too long. A lot depends on who the people are. If we're not compatible then it's worse than a waste of time, it just underscores my sense of isolation.

I’m with Double Retired.

I prefer to be alone. It’s easier. However, I’m at a point in my life where being alone, or wanting to be alone, seems selfish. Also, being with my girlfriend and her daughter is so rewarding in ways being alone can’t be. Whether it’s making new memories or just spending quality time together, being not alone is nice.

I seek solitude most of the time, but crave connection. It's annoying.

I have a partner and a daughter who are often the only people I speak to in a day. I like to walk alone with my dog, I do that every day for as much time as I can spare. I don't talk to other parents generally when I do the school run.

If I'm obliged to spend time with people - my partner's friends for example - I'm annoyed by that and I will avoid it as much as I possibly can without it causing a problem between us.

I love having the house to myself.

I often go places on my own - I like live music so I will go to festivals alone. I like not having to worry about anyone else, I can just go where I want, when I want. I go camping alone, with my dog, and we muck around in the woods for a few days.

^^^Despite all that, and my strong instinct to isolate myself at every opportunity, I am aware that I am lonely sometimes, I feel like a ghost when I'm around people, like I'm not really there, and I would very much like to have a friend or two.

In particular, I would like to have a male friend because I mostly know women. Generally though, I find men to be disappointing company and I have better conversations with women.

alone

I'm just now realizing that that's not normal. That's totally my parents, and My marriage is my wife want so bad being alone.

I think most people don't prefer always being with someone or always being alone. Nearly everyone falls somewhere in the middle.

The reason it doesn't seem that way is that in search for each of our ideal homeostatic endpoints, most of us end up expending energy to move in one direction or the other (seeking more time with people vs. seeking more time alone). It's understandable to mistake this as an enduring personality trait when you're in the trenches looking for a soulmate or seeking refuge from annoyingly loud roommates, but I still think it's funny that people attach so much of their own identity to the directionality of their connection-seeking vs. me-time-seeking. It's really the ideal balance goal that's the enduring trait, and even that can shift over time. Whether you take the action of seeking more connection or more solitude is just as determined by the environment you are in at the time as it is by your own personality.

I don't mind either way to be honest but when I'm dissociating I find it hard to come back from that so it's best that I'm by myself when that happens.

i spend most of my time alone and i generally dont mind that.

however when my roomate returns home from work i usually want to spend time with them.

You folk have given me some food for thought...so I thought about it further...

I am a creature of habit and part of that is evenings are when I like to watch videos, preferably with my bride.

And if I go to some performance I'd really prefer her company.

If we go to something with a small group socializing I tend to stay off to the side.

Alone. But that's what I like. It seems that others also like it when they're not with me as well. I admit that I'm hard to be around sometimes. I've lived alone since I was 33 years old. I don't miss people at all. I'm never lonely.