Page 1 of 1 [ 4 posts ] 

SkinnyElephant
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 20 Aug 2022
Gender: Male
Posts: 521

16 Jul 2023, 12:43 pm

I've mentioned on here before how I had relatively few friends growing up. This all changed my freshman year of college when I finally had a large friend group.

I should have known the large friend group was too good to be true. Come March of my freshman year, one of my "friends" basically told me "I can't continue with this lie anymore. I don't truly like you. I only associate with you because we have mutual friends. I understand we'll probably still end up hanging out, because of said mutual friends. But you need to know how I feel."

Then another "friend" from the group let me know during sophomore year that he didn't truly like me.

Then in addition to the 2 I just mentioned, 2 more friends from the group showed signs (in retrospect) of merely "tolerating" me.

I know neurotypicals get duped by fake friends too. I feel like it's much more common for those of us on the spectrum, however.

So, has anyone else on here ever found out a "friend" was only pretending to like you?



Mona Pereth
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Sep 2018
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,449
Location: New York City (Queens)

17 Jul 2023, 2:32 am

I'm sure that was disappointing, to say the least.

Was this large friend group just an informal group of friends who hung out together, or something more formal, like a school club, or perhaps something informal but focused on a specific common interest? Also, did any of your fake friends ever do anything really nasty to you, beyond just admitting that they didn't really like you all that much (or perhaps unfriending you on social media)? Did they seriously betray you in any way, or did they just disappoint you?

I, unfortunately, have experienced being seriously betrayed (as in actually harmed, not just rejected) by someone I thought was a friend. (I prefer not to discuss details outside of the Members Only or Adult sections.)

Fortunately, most of my friends over the years have been genuine, at least for as long as they lasted, although many of my friendships gradually faded after the friend moved away or we ceased to have common interests drawing us together.


_________________
- Autistic in NYC - Resources and new ideas for the autistic adult community in the New York City metro area.
- Autistic peer-led groups (via text-based chat, currently) led or facilitated by members of the Autistic Peer Leadership Group.


SkinnyElephant
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 20 Aug 2022
Gender: Male
Posts: 521

17 Jul 2023, 8:37 am

Mona Pereth wrote:
I'm sure that was disappointing, to say the least.

Was this large friend group just an informal group of friends who hung out together, or something more formal, like a school club, or perhaps something informal but focused on a specific common interest? Also, did any of your fake friends ever do anything really nasty to you, beyond just admitting that they didn't really like you all that much (or perhaps unfriending you on social media)? Did they seriously betray you in any way, or did they just disappoint you?

I, unfortunately, have experienced being seriously betrayed (as in actually harmed, not just rejected) by someone I thought was a friend. (I prefer not to discuss details outside of the Members Only or Adult sections.)

Fortunately, most of my friends over the years have been genuine, at least for as long as they lasted, although many of my friendships gradually faded after the friend moved away or we ceased to have common interests drawing us together.


The friends I mentioned were an informal group. They never betrayed me; just disappointed me.

My 2nd and 3rd year of college, I had some associates from a school club (I'm hesitant to use the word friend because most never would have associated with me if it weren't for the club). Also, some of the members made it clear they were only tolerating me because we belonged to the same club.



Summer_Twilight
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Sep 2011
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,241

18 Jul 2023, 8:32 am

I have had plenty of friends in my life who didn't really like me but I don't want to talk about them. Instead, I will talk about hint that can help.

1. You can't be yourself around them

2. They always criticize you.

3. They act like your friend when you are alone but treat you poorly in front of other people.

4. Other people keep accusing you of lying about you two being friends as they have been convinced otherwise.

5. They always "Mean" to invite you to this event but their other friends said no because they have a problem with you.

6. You are at the bottom of their list.

7. When you confront them for being a bad friend, they get defensive and shift the blame.

8. They break their promises.

9. At a social gathering, they make a habit of avoiding you.

10. They act like you are their friend whenever they want and need something from you. Otherwise, they ignore you.

11. They are jealous of you.

12. They are always wanting to compete with you.

13. They are never supportive.

14. They make lots of backhanded compliments.

15. They stand you up or bail on you whenever you do make plans.