Anxiety before a therapy appointment

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I'm just wondering if anything similar happens to anyone else the night before a therapy session (in person) or a meetup with someone. Almost every Friday night, I get very nervous about my therapist canceling once I wake up Saturday morning. I usually softly massage my tummy in bed with my blankets on while holding on to my special doll to help me fall asleep which helps me self soothe. Then, I often wake up earlier than normal at about 5am or even earlier, unable to fall back asleep. Usually I wake up on edge, a little shaky, my heart pounds a little bit, and I have a nervous tummy. I try to fall back asleep, but every time I hear my phone vibrate, I jump up to check it and see if she canceled. A couple of Saturdays, I woke up to an itchy spot on my back that kept moving around every time I tried to reach it. I ended up tossing and turning, trying to scratch my back and fall back asleep until 6:30 when my alarm goes off. When I get up on Saturdays, I usually have no appetite for breakfast because of how nervous my tummy feels. I don't want to vomit when this happens or anything, but yesterday I had one, very soft bowel movement. This feeling only goes away when I see my therapist walk out of the elevator to unlock the door to the office. (I'm the first appointment of the day and one time she canceled when I already arrived at the building.) As soon as I see her, everything's okay and I'm in a state of euphoria. I've told my therapist about this and she said it's anxiety disorder. I'm just wondering if this or a similar experience happens to anyone.

That certainly does sound like anxiety. I'm glad you had the sense to tell the therapist about it. Is it specifically just therapy, or does this occur at other times?

I don't generally get that kind of anxiety so far ahead of an appointment, but I do have an absolutely horrible time sitting around waiting for the appointment to start.

At any rate, you've told the therapist, and I'd probably ask for exercises related to it if it's something that's really a problem. Although, anxiety tends to go away on its own each time you follow through on whatever is causing the anxiety.

The reason I get the anxiety so far in advance is because I'm the first appointment of the day and I get nervous that I'm going to wake up again to a cancelation text. It does go away, but only after I've seen my therapist walk out of the elevator to unlock the office door. This is not just related to therapy. It is now, but before therapy, I used to have really bad anxiety about anyone canceling on me. Sometimes it was a friend meeting me at the gym and other times it was when I was looking forward to seeing my favorite kid in a Google meet. When the people cancel on me, I feel lost, lonely, and unmotivated to do anything for a few hours.

It sounds a lot more like dread than anxiety, and if you dread going to therapy (from what you've written it seems your therapist either cancels a lot at the last minute or offers you a video session - both of which are FAR from ideal) its definitely time to start looking for a new therapist. I am sure that someone who treats your time as valuably as their own will reduce the amount of anxiety you are feeling.

I also think its a pretty big red flag that anxiety you are feeling based on HER behavior is your problem - not hers.

It's not that I dread GOING to therapy. I dread waking up to a cancelation text because I know it means that I'll have almost immediately start fighting back tears, I'll have a lack of energy for the day, and I'll get a special tummy ache which makes me lose my appetite for a few hours. That's why I get so anxious the day before. I don't want her to cancel because my therapy is vital to my mental health. Once I have my therapy session, I feel so much better and less stressed than I was. Every therapy session in person is like one heavy brick of many lifted off my shoulders. Maybe it's not the same for all autistics?

its natural to feel better when things go according to plan. That's what you should be able to expect from a professional. I don't know how much confidence I would have in a therapist (or any service provider) who is so unpredictable and can't seem to keep her own life in order.

If I never knew if my therapist was going to flake out on me or re-schedule, or change the format of a session to a video call, I'd be feeling very anxious. I'd probably also feel angry when they blamed ME for feeling that way.

Yes and so far her only coping mechanism for this is just reminding me that sometimes things might not go as planned. I might wake up with a wicked headache and not be able to come in or she might get sick. She said since those things are nobody's fault, I shouldn't be worried about it. I should just let whatever happens happen. I don't get headaches unless I'm deathly ill with something like bronchitis or pneumonia. I get her examples, but it's still not an easy thing to do. My body still feels anxious even though I tell myself to stop worrying. I'll be hopefully getting an official diagnosis in November.