Aspies, dating and cheating

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How many of you have actually gotten dates, been in relationships and have of course left them for various reasons. How many of you have been cheated on? Over the course of the years, it has become painfully obvious to me over the years that majority of my relationships (were talkin 3 of 5) have ended because the chick cheated.

I'm laying the pipe right, I treat them right and I even learned about the whole challenge thing, but I always seem to invariably run into crazies or they eventually go nutzoid with me. They also almost always 99.9% of the time return to try things again and/or at least be friends, but I usually cannot re-befriend a cheater (well...rarely).

Anyway, I've started chalking it up to bein aspie. Dunno if this is an accurate diagnosis, but after arleady being clinically diangosed before noticing the trend, could it be our remarkably bad social skills that probably blind us to glaring (to NTs) social and physical traits that would otherwise label or hint at someone cheating?

Sigh. Since then, I"ve pretty much gone to keeping a few lady buddies around. Its near as good as a GF, you get to bump uglies when you want and no heart ache.

Anyone else know how to attract the opposite sex, but just not keep em?

I've been in three LTRs, and every one of them involved
cheating (well one maybe not - but 'twas so screwed up -
we were only officially together one night, but there were
thoughts for years that we were still destined) on both
parts.

This s**t happens. Sometimes, people have to see the
pain that they can cause, before they understand that
they really shouldn't. Seems that the relationships MAY
have ended, not because someone cheated, but because
you were unwilling to work through this difficulty. My wife is
an excellent example. She ended up f*****g some guy, after
she and I argued (she actually thought that we were through),
the circumstances were so ugly, that I threw her out. But, I came
to realize that I both loved her, and that I would have a hard time
finding someone so perfect for me. Yeah, it ended some 10 years
later - she effectively went insane - but those were the best years
I've lived, and I can't see anything coming close to them again.

I've never been cheated on. I am psychic and dump men who think about it, before they have the chance. It's sort of like Minority Report.

Ok, I'm kidding about that last part.

I'm exhausted so I'm going to be quite blunt with you.

I cannot for the life of me imagine that a guy who says he "bumps uglies" is capable of treating a girlfriend properly, or even choosing one well to begin with. You seem really confident that you do everything right. Maybe you shouldn't be so sure.

I think he wasn't saying that his friends
are ugly, but it was only a euphemism
for the act of coitus.

No one's ever cheated on me, I suppose that's one good point to never having been in a relationship.

Certain comments [from the OP] placed aside: "Cheating" is one of those things I won't forgive; I don't mind if said partner tells me that it's not working for whatever reason and decides to end it as friends; I just cannot handle deception of this magnitude.

"Cheating" ends the romance and its friendship for me forever.

Perhaps I should be more forgiving, but this is who I am.

I just can't see it. To me,
love is just too precious
to throw away.

I have been in relationships, longest was when I was 13 , lasted 4 mounths, i ended it cause ppl were making fun of me, (not that at that age a relationship meant anything anyways) I never felt in love, at that age i was still struggling with some HFA issues of course, and maby miss treated her, was quick to temper, and when we worked on a project for school i was self centereed and had to do eveything myself, my way, she just sat and watched, we were the only group to get a perfect score on building a model racecar that propells itself by releasing compressed air.

I had another in collage, lasted a few weeks, we worked together, we just drank alot, made out, i felt no love, she woulda cheated on me anyways, decided i did not want any complication so i ended it after collage ended.

I would never cheat on my GF, its wrong, if i found out she did it i dont know what i would do, i dont know if i could forgive, many variables, very complex , depended on alot of things i guess... i hope i never have to find out the hard way.

Can anyone be certain, until tested?
Indeed, even after being tested?

Right, so what would you call it? I call it ("it" meaning the act of coitas) that in a jockular manner rather than saying something a bit more...graphics? I'm not saying I do everything right. I was saying something may be up with me. Dunno

The ones who did not cheat, well that I still talk to both left for school in other states and are persuing better educations. One is getting her PH.d in computer science, the other got accepted to a prestigious medical program of which she was 1 of 35. I"m quite proud of her, but we both agreed on not continuing the relationship after she left. I still talk to her daily.

And as for predicting whether a person cheats or not, thats not what I mean.

I am referring to certain telltale signs a person gives.

ONe had a boyfriend behind my back the entire time we were dating and I didn't know it. ONly afterwards, did I find out why she would always call me her "best friend" in public.

One cheated on me with a guy twice her age. Only after did I find out why she was spending all those hours at work and had to constantly get the phone and talk on it in the other room.

Stuff like that. maybe I'm not being curious enough.


And for your sake, I'll just call it f*****g rather than bumping uglies from now on.

Oh and nobody is above cheating. The very first one who was with the other guy while we were dating is now literally my best friend in life. We've just both decided things are better as friends. However, she's down for whatever. I can ask her for money, a ride, a kidney...practically anything.

Last edited by ma_137 on 19 Aug 2007, 8:33 am, edited 1 time in total.

I have no idea how even I'd react to something
that persistent. I've always managed to have
my loves be honest with me, so we'd
discuss such issues - well, not with my
first, once we tried an LDR, but whilst
together. But, it's kind of different to
maintain such a situation, when 'tis in
the open. Though, again, with my psycho
ex, we did do just that. And 'twas hell.

Maybe they're both ... ya know ... ugly.

Hi, to the aspie guy w/ the cheating chicks. I am an aspie chick, and I think what your problem is, is that girls who are attracted to you are ADHD types who are not grounded. You ARE NOT dating "normies"/NTs, believe me, "normies" usually run for the hills when they get a whiff of our intense energy. If someone is attracted to you, you can pretty much bet that they are not a normie themself. But, here, awareness is the key. You can find a girl who will not cheat on you, but she has to have some awareness of her ADHD "getting bored easily" type of M.O. (That is usually why people cheat) Find someone who has some other type of way to get more dopamine into her system. Maybe you could date a shopaholic or someone who has a deep absorbing interest in insects or French Monastery Life in the 14th century.
It doesn't matter how well you treat someone (as you said you treated them well) The problem w/ you in those situations, is that after awhile you were not their newest "toy" anymore and many ADHD type people are dopamine deficient and "new" stuff or "new" experiences give dopamine and stimulation, so you have to find a girl who gets her "new" stuff/experience dopamine release stimulation from things other than having sex w/ people who are not her boyfriend.
Don't feel bitter about the women. They just have short attention spans (which is pretty common for ADHD/ hence, part of the reason why its called attention deficit) These women just need to realize whats going on and get meds to help release more dopamine into the system (I take Wellbutrin and like it very well/ although anyone reading this should consult their dr on whether to take meds or what meds to take, since everyone's system is different) Anyway, to get more dopamine, the women can take psych meds, snort crystal meth (not recommended at all if you value your brain and your teeth, but due to the bs redtape of the whole confounded US medical industry, much easier and quicker/no scrip requd. and sometimes cheaper to get than actual "Legal psych meds" that would be more relative to fixing the problem and not damage your brain or teeth) or the women could get more dopamine by smoking (also easier and cheaper than psych meds/ side effects: brown teeth and smelly clothes and hair, not to mention possible minor troubles caused by death from lung cancer) or women could get more dopamine by buying "new" things ad infinitum because its not about the having, its about the getting/ its the getting that causes the dopamine release and then these women can pac rat and trash up their homes which causes depression which can be relieved by dopamine which can be gained by yet another trip to the mall for crap) So there is lots of things women can do to get dopamine besides screw around on their boyfriend and Psych meds (in moderation/ none of that 40 pill a day Elvis type pill taking/ God rest his sweaty faced pompadoured soul) ... and psych meds are probably the least of the evils for these godless wanton women who have destroyed your faith in the female species. I don't know if you collect anything, (maybe action figures, or cars or comic books), but think of it like this, just because you get a new action figure, doesn't mean you don't like your others any less, the problem is, they just aren't new, and its that newness that gives the dopamine aka "stimulation" to the brain. So those girlies didn't like you any less, they just needed dopamine.
As I said, just find someone who is more mature and aware of how they are (eg the driver who knows their car has a flat tire, will drive more carefully on the freeway than the driver whose car has a flat tire and doesn't know it. Both have flat tires, but one who knows will act accordingly and thereby avoid possible disaster)
I really don't think you should look for a normie. Plus, just from personal experience, pretty much anyone you would be attracted to would not be a normie, even if they look and act like one. Its weird how people's radar is both normies and non normies and it seems we are always attracted to people who are in some way similar to ourselves. Women ADHDers and Aspies are harder to recognize because they tend to be mostly Inattentive ADHD and not so much Hyperactive ADHD( which is primarily how ADHD is displayed in men/ aka "the bad boys")
Anyway, whatever, wrote too much as usual, but hope this helps.
PS: As I said, I am an Asperger woman and I never screw around on a boyfriend when I have one, but I am an avid collector and avid book reader (ancient european history) and a shopaholic and I like sex, but I don't like having to deal w/ new people who I don't know, so a guy has to seriously screw up w/ me to get me to even think about anyone else. This is just to let you know that all women are not out to screw around. Also, maybe you should consider that if you got with a woman who didn't screw around, you might find her to clingy and needy or feel too hemmed in, so by constantly (remember you are the constant in this equation) dating women who screw around and then "you have to break up with them" maybe you are avoiding commitment w/o having to be the one who looks like an as*hole; because why are you picking the same type of woman again and again???? Just an idea to consider.... There is a Zen saying, "What you have, is what you want." So if you have something you supposedly do not like in your life, you have to ask yourself, what is the payoff of having this supposedly undesirable thing/circumstance in my life... and once you figure out what the payoff is and agree to let go of the payoff, you can probably let go of the undesirable thing/circumstance. Remember, you are not a victim in this... You are the writer of your own story and you can change the script anytime you like...
Bon Chance, Mon Cheri

Speak for yourself. It's like saying no one is above murder. Logic don't compute.



That's why you don't "cheat" on me.

And nobody is above murder either. I'm not saying you will do it, I'm just saying everyone has the capacity *to* do it. You can murder and you can cheat. THe question is, WILL you do either act. I think partially why so many people can't stand cheaters is that you know that within you lies the same capacity to cheat and commit that act, but you've got the self control and where with all to not betray that other person the same way they betrayed you.


i see what you are saying.

The first one, we are good friends once again. We just mutually decided it would not be wise to date.

The second one, I recieved a phone call from the fellow she was cheating with and she was crying in the background. I didn't see her for 6 months and we still see each other maybe once in a blue moon.

The third one, literally nearly got me in jail. I came over to my house she was living in at the time, only to see the guy she had eloped with in my house. He tried to fight me. Took nearly all the willpower I had not to cut him. I cursed her out after that and we haven't spoken since. She tried to start some drama up about me on myspace and tried to defame me amongst her family and friends. I refuted her evidence by showing them all what a slut she was. She was sleeping with a married man more than double her age. Lots of bad blood there.

The last one....well she didn't cheat and we still talk. She's was just accepted to a very prestigious medical school and had to leave the state. I'm very proud of her. She returns in a year, but things are on hiatus till then.

Last edited by ma_137 on 19 Aug 2007, 9:46 am, edited 1 time in total.

Chris Rock says that men's fidelity is determined only by their opportunity.