Ways to torment an NT (funny)

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I recall posting something like this years ago (and can't find it), but perhaps now it's time to resurrect it - as I also may have a few new ones...caution, some of these may prompt a very harsh reaction, even if they're not illegal!! They're just horribly passive-aggressive.

1. When they give some round-about, couched or veiled reference to something, tell them that it doesn't make sense or that they lost you. See how many "rounds" of back-and-forth you can go for, before the remove the varnished layer (bonus points if it's a sexual innuendo ) then when they finally give in, retort with "There! That wasn't so hard now, was it??"

2. If one of them says "I have to explain this to you very concretely, [insert your name], because you take everything literally" (and I've had this happen to me), reply with "OK...this may sound ironic, but would you care to elaborate on that bit, that I 'take everything literally'?"

3. If one of them asks you "are you dumb" or "do you have some sort of mental problem?" reply with "No, I just have high standards for things making sense. I believe there's a fundamental difference."

4. Take their "advice" to be more spontaneous, or don't overthink things. Then watch the sparks fly

5. When they give you some indirect, non-assertive statement of expectation, and you just happen to be able to elicit the unspoken desire, call it out verbally: e.g. to a manager: "Ah! So when you say that you're giving this task with more responsibility to the junior staff because you want them to pick up more experience, what you're really saying is you don't trust me because I think differently than most people. Am I right?" When they appear shocked and speechless for a moment, follow up with "OKaaayyy...I'm not sure how to interpret the silence, help me out here."

6. Sort of in a similar vein to 1 and 5 above, prolong a dialogue with replies to the effect of "So when you say X, do you actually mean Y..." and see how long you can go before they finally "cave".

7. Tell them that you volunteer on some sort of board function, like a non-profit or a condo board, and you deliberately vote "no" when everyone else votes "yes", and vice-versa, because you believe that conformity is the mental illness of the masses (sort of paraphrasing Nietzsche), and everyone needs a contrarian.

8. Tell them that non-verbal communication is not always reliable, because what if someone has to go to the bathroom (or the loo) really bad?? Then all bets are off

Thanks for the laugh.

I've been married to a nt for 30 years and have much experience of wind-ups.

My favourite is just to take her words literally, even though I know she meant something different. (Can't help it, it's instinctual.) Despite doing this daily she still talks nonsense.

I guess #9 would be if they asked you a rhetorical question with a tone of indignation, like as a passive-aggressive hint, then you could respond in kind by asking "Is that rhetorical?? I can't tell."

Oh I like this sort of thing. Generally I'm polite and helpful to people but when they push me too far/get too nasty I will start playing games like this with them. Or I'll just act super weird until they retreat/leave the room, then I can do what I wanted to despite them e.g. eat my lunch in peace.

I am the master of acting super weird tbh

It's like, 'you think I'm acting weird/tactless/abrupt now? No. This is me repressing my real thoughts, being polite and tactful. You want weird/tactless/abrupt? Okay, here it is.'

I've got one more...

If you ever feel like disclosing your challenges/condition to an NT, in the form of "I have a tendency to unintentionally interpret things literally; I'm not very good with reading between the lines." and if they give you a pat response of "no problem", then reply with "Well, I'm glad it's not a problem for you."

I choked a guy once through masking!

I think I became annoying to NTS the other day when I replied to a Facebook post that the "neck things" on an axolotl are its gills.

Think I need to explain. Was masking through acting thick as a means to connect.
One hot summers day while I was in a college toilets during my lunch break I watched a student covered in sweat running in and went straight for the water fountain. Acting thick I said "That's what its for!" and the poor guy nearly choked himself as he suddenly thought of thr potential other uses of what a supposedly " Thick" guy may try to use it for!
I just couldn't resist and it was hillarious the results!

Tell them the truth.

First ask 3 semi-related questions, then say something that you already knew or had already figured out, and that could not be derived from the answers to the 3 questions.

1. "Who is the vendor for our security cameras?" ("Sony")

2. "Have we ever had a fire drill at the remote facility?" (No, not required by Fire Marshall for unoccupied buildings.)

3. "At which point are we in the current solar cycle?" (4 years into cycle 25, as of November 2023.)

"Then we should use 12-gauge wire instead of 16-gauge for the gantry feeds." (Already derived from standard AWG v. Current load tables.)

I did this type of thing many times at my last place of employment. The non-technical people had no idea what I was doing. A few of the techs caught on, and one of the techs got real good at ad-libbing equally irrelevant responses. She and I would have nonsensical conversations in front of the Sales & Marketing people, who would then be baffled by how we would start from something like "Ducks build their nests near the water" and end with something like "So we need to spec CAT-6 cable in our underground data conduits from now on" without making any sense in-between.

Get to the point.

-OR-

After they have explained everything to you, say something like, "So your point is 'X'" even though you know that they were trying to explain the exact opposite -- works best on co-workers who are trying to get you to do their jobs for them.

For example, after a 15-minute, step-by-step explanation of how one co-worker wanted me to handle a Very Important Report that was assigned to him . . .

ME: "So you want me to shred all these documents?"

HE: "NO, you idiot! I want you to edit these documents and make any corrections!"

ME: "Well why didn't you say so in the first place?"

HE: "Because if you had half a brain you should have figured it out by yourself!"

[The boss walks in.]

SHE: "What's going on here?"

ME: "He wants me to work on this Very Important Report you assigned to him."

SHE: "Give it back to him, you have your own work to do. He will have some explaining to do in my office."

Not exactly what happened, but close enough!

It doesn't work, I've been on this forum since 2011

Yes, tell them the precise truth unvarnished and answer every question they ask in great detail. That's usually enough to short circuit NT brains.

Or do exactly what they tell you to the precise detail and when they complain say "Well you said..."

(Actually this was something I used to do without realizing I shouldn't do that, and then wonder why I was being told off! My Mum did that as well!)

Example would be where I would be told "Take it to the bin". So I would for the next hour be standing there by the bin not realizing that it was an instruction to put the item in the bin! When the boss would realize he had not seen me and started looking for me I would get told off for not doing what he said... But I had done what he said! I had just not done what he meant which is a different thing!

That's a good idea, I often do that by default anyway because I don't get the hidden meaning behind everything. I might switch off my 'desperately trying to understand' function and just do as I'm told.

Today at the dentist, I said to the receptionist: 'I'll have to make an appointment later when I can arrange transport and how I'll get to the appointment.'

*blank stare* 'Oh! You mean phone up and make an appointment later?'

Yes? Was I not clear?