Looking back now, this was odd

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A couple of months ago, I made a post in an autism Facebook group about my dating struggles. To my surprise, a decent amount of commenters were upset that I had referred to women as “females”. That is something that I had never realized anyone would be offended by before.

Out of frustration, I added to the post, calling people out for being so sensitive and how it seems as if people just expect everyone to know what exact terminology to use in any given instance.

And it wasn’t like every single person in the comments were offended. Not even every woman. Some of those people thought the attacks on me were ridiculous too.

Aside from apperantly a certain segment of humanity finding it offensive, what upsets me so much about this was people being so hard on me when I had no idea people felt this way; that they don’t accept that not everyone even knows it offends people. Even my therapist who’s a woman said “this is news to me”.

Stopping the ranting and getting to the point of this post, there have been a few instances, including on social media, where I’ve seen people refer to women as “females”. Except those people weren’t reprimanded. Literally the only time I have EVER heard anyone say that that word is offensive was on that post. It feels more like some weird fluke now.

I cannot hear people call women females without thinking of the Ferengi, haha
which should give you some inclination as to why some people say it's inappropriate

On a more serious note, the reason some people are sensitive to it is quite simple: using a blanket biology term like females or males is something usually reserved for talking about animals. It's better to acknowledge the personhood of other people. For example: My pet cat and I are both female. Because I'm a person I prefer to be referred to as a woman. Don't you prefer to be referred to as a man? Instead of a male? Even though both are technically correct? 

There are also some...not great groups of people who refer to women as "females" as a way to take away their personhood and agency. Which is probably why you got jumped on. Even if you used the term in a totally innocent fashion, they have no way of knowing that. In the same way you didn't know you would accidentally cause offense. I assure you that you do not want to be accidentally associated with these...not nice people and would suggest you learn from the incident and change your language accordingly. It was not a weird fluke. Social media can very much be an echo chamber, and if you end up in the wrong chambers you won't see people being reprimanded for talking about other humans in animal terms but that doesn't make it suddenly okay.

^ Frankly I personally knew no man who would be offended by the term « male ».

Considering it was an autism group I am surprised that they jumped on you like that. Use of language is something that varies greatly amongst people with autism, so a little leeway aught to be given I feel.

At least you will know what terminology to use in the future.

3 things here:

1: Actually, no, I do not get offended when someone refers to me as a male.

2: I don't get how not a single one of those people were even able to consider that I used the term in a "totally innocent fashion" and just assumed the opposite.

3: The opinion of some people on the internet is not sufficient cause for me to "change my language", and certainly not people's opinions that were used to degrade me.

I'm not telling people how to feel, bu you'd be upset too if others were telling you how to feel(in this case, apologetic)and making generalizations about your character.

Us autistics are well known for being very picky about lots of things & some are picky about general laungage use. Also some autistcs have various trrggers. Unfortunetely it's not uncommon for some autistics to get upset over a minor misunderstanding & put words in each other's mouths & it turns into a giant sh!t storm Were the people getting upset mostly male, mostly female, or a fairly even mix

I was attacked many years ago for using the word female, by an autistic female woman, who described herself as a "radical feminist".

I honestly just thought that person was a lunatic and moved on.

Me too!

Good points.

I probably wouldn't call someone out for referring to me as a female, but it's not a term I especially like outside of medical care or forms because it seems impersonal to me. There've been times when I've heard it used in a sarcastic or demeaning way. It's not as bad as "girl" (to refer to a woman) or "lady," though. It used to piss me off when family members would tell me to be more "ladylike."

I don't mind "lady" as much as when I was a kid thanks to Karen Walker from Will & Grace.



I really prefer being referred to as a person and avoiding distinctions based on gender whenever possible. People who have not experienced gender discrimination, especially extreme gender discrimination, may not be as bothered by specific words as others and might struggle to know why they could even be triggering to some.

I'm a male feminist & I'm perfectly fine with calling myself a male or others calling me male instead of calling me man or guy thou I'm fine with those terms as well. The radical feminism is a bit too extreme for my taste thou.

I'm gonna go with "bad associations". Worth saying that "female" and "male" as adjectives aren't the problem here. It's using them as nouns. Calling a women "a female" is heavily used by a certain breed of misogynist who think women are objects, not real people. (This goes back a ways: in Charlotte Bronte's 1849 novel "Shirley," there's a rabidly woman-hating teenager who talks like that.) Slightly more rare, but some radical feminists will call a man "a male" in the same way, as if to say "what can you expect from a rutting male beast?" Speaking in this way will send up warning flags for a LOT of people who've encountered it before.

Feminism is often used to mean being in favour of the equality of both sexes, but radical feminists kind of hijacked the term and people often think of them now that they have spread their misandry far & wide on the internet.

Many people are ill-informed when it comes to feminism. Feminists are certainly not a homogenous group but the majority of us believe in equality of the sexes. Only a minority are radical, just like only a minority of men are misogynist.

This also isn't helped by the way the term TERF (Trans-Exclusionary Radical Feminist) has gradually spread to cover any woman who hates trans people, regardless of whether she's even a feminist....

My 2nd girlfriend was a feminist & also wanted to be trans but was afraid of how her family & others in her area would react so she didn't tell them but still got secretly upset by them referring to her by women related terms. There were times I felt I was born the wrong gender & considered being trans but I never had problems with others referring to me by either gender related terms unless the terms were being used in a demeaning way regardless of which type of gender they were related to & how I felt about about my gender at the time. The context of wording is whats important to me. Intent should be the main focus instead of using the right exact wording & termanology.

1] I didn't ask if you got offended by it. I asked which your preference was. If your preference is male that's odd, but you do you.

2] Bless your heart. As I am not psychic or part of a hive mind with the people who got upset with you, I cannot tell you why they assumed what they assumed. If they jumped on you then I can only guess you probably didn't use it in an unoffensive way. I can't say for sure without seeing the post, though. As others have mentioned, the only surefire way to not use it offensively is to refrain from using it as a noun and use it as an adjective instead. "Totally innocent fashion" was my nice way of saying ignorant. Things said in ignorance can still be offensive.

3] Okay. You do you. I just explained why some people might find it offensive, and suggested that if you didn't want to offend people in the future refraining might be the best choice. That suggestion still stands. If you wanna ignore it, go for it, but don't be surprised when you use misogynistic language that you end up lumped in with the misogynists? Just a warning. I don't think you are one, but as others have mentioned, they're one of the groups who like to dehumanize women by calling them females. I'm not going to get into the debate on wording and how it matters over intent because it's so easy not to intend to hurt someone and accidentally do so. I'm sorry you were upset by the experience.

Never heard of this before. I'm certainly not offended if someone calls me female if I look like a female. It's no f*****g wonder people are confused these days.

I swear this kind of sh*t only exists online because people don't make a fuss of it in real life.