Eye contact with strangers you pass on the street

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Noca
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28 Oct 2023, 3:44 pm

I have been working on eye contact lately, and while I can make eye contact with those I'm talking to like 50% of the time, I fail completely when it comes to people I pass on the street while out for a walk. Has anyone been able to overcome this issue without resorting to sunglasses or staring at their phone? I don't know where to look, it just feels so incredibly awkward and anxiety provoking every time to look at someone as I pass them.



naturalplastic
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28 Oct 2023, 3:48 pm

Start looking at their noses.

Some stranger dude I was talking to a week ago got slightly weirded out by me because...I was fascinated by the shape of his nose. I am sure that he thought I was starring him the eye. But I have a neurotic obsession with noses. And his was rather uniquely designed. Lol!



ocean
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28 Oct 2023, 4:03 pm

i dont really have any advice but id like to know...is this Noca from SAS?


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DirkGently69
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28 Oct 2023, 6:10 pm

I have the opposite problem. I get asked why I’m staring at people when I’m out and I don’t know them, but only look at people I’m talking to about 25% of the time. I think maybe because strangers are further away from me I don’t feel the same anxiety I do close up. Close up I find myself getting distracted by their eyes and other facial features. I also don’t know which eye to look at.



Raleigh
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28 Oct 2023, 6:40 pm

I made it my policy to say hello to everyone I pass while out walking.
This took away any anxiety because I know exactly what I'm going to do every time.
I'm going to look at them and say hello, or similar greeting.
How they react to this, I can't always predict, but at least I've tried to be friendly.
There are some exceptions to this rule, of course.

I tend to look at lips, because I'm hearing impaired.


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28 Oct 2023, 8:44 pm

That's a tough one. I try to walk lesser traveled routes so I pass fewer people, or they're farther away (like across the street). I have seen a person up ahead and crossed the street quite far away. I usually act like I'm looking for an address or something, so they don't think I crossed to avoid them, even thought that's exactly what I did.


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FleaOfTheChill
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28 Oct 2023, 9:00 pm

I do a nod in the general direction of any random person I might walk past while my dog and I are out and about. I don't bother with eye contact, and no one seems to care that I don't. Besides, where I live, eye contact could come across as aggressive or confrontational anyhow. I recommend a casual nod as you go along. Just acknowledge them, but no pressure beyond that and it doesn't invite unnecessary conversation, which (for me anyway) is a general added bonus. This might be different though if you live in a small town where a certain level of friendliness is expected.



jamie0.0
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28 Oct 2023, 10:55 pm

Oh dear, are we supposed to maintain eye contact with strangers on the street??
I've always just acknowledged them by saying hello, this thread may have unlocked a new anxiety for me :x
I struggle with eye contact in general even with people I am comfortable with, I usually get by by just looking in their direction, sometimes if I want to look attentive I stare at their hair because I have a fascination with hairstyles and usually people can't tell the difference if I'm looking at their eyes or their hair



Elgee
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29 Oct 2023, 4:52 pm

Noca wrote:
I have been working on eye contact lately, and while I can make eye contact with those I'm talking to like 50% of the time, I fail completely when it comes to people I pass on the street while out for a walk. Has anyone been able to overcome this issue without resorting to sunglasses or staring at their phone? I don't know where to look, it just feels so incredibly awkward and anxiety provoking every time to look at someone as I pass them.


Where did you get the idea that you MUST make eye contact with strangers passing on a street? I've observed pedestrians and it seems that many DON'T make eye contact as they pass each other. They can't all be autistic.

Even though I think eye contact is extremely important in certain circumstances, such as establishing an air of confidence and "I truly believe in what I'm saying," or, "I'm not leaving here till I see the manager," etc., I actually avoid eye contact when passing strangers on the street or inside buildings UNLESS -- UNLESS -- 1) An unsavory-looking man is approaching me, or 2) It's dark and isolated and a man is coming my way.

Eye contact in these two circumstances tells the man, "If you're a predator, you'll make a huge mistake thinking I'm prey."

One time I was walking towards a parking lot downtown Denver where my car was parked and three really shady looking men were coming my way. One-Two-Three, I gave eye contact to each one to let them know that they'd better not mess with me. Outside of needing to establish a strong presence about myself, I simply avoid eye contact with strangers UNLESS I need to ask one for directions or a guy comes up to me and asks the time (rapists have been known to do this to "screen" for victims, and of course, I'll always give eye contact to establish myself).

The problem I've always had is how to do eye contact when the person who's approaching you from down a corridor is someone you know. ?????????????