Please offer advice on a punishment

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I'm an adult. I grew up not realizing that I might be autistic. I also grew up not knowing I have selective mutism, social anxiety, and GAD. I knew I had OCD and depression. I was never diagnosed or treated for anxiety and depression. I didn't even realize I had such severe anxiety until after age 30.

I have been unable to get healthcare because I have no money because I cannot work, but am having issues getting disability.

I've had a lot of issues managing my anxiety over the last two years or so. Trying to interact with people online has been hell. I've struggled with my emotions and my inability to communicate with others due to selective mutism (using a forum like this is different).

I recently got drunk to deal with anxiety. I ended up writing a minor insult to the admin of a gaming community, then immediately deleting it. I don't remember any of it. Some 12 hrs later a mod saw what I wrote in the logs and reported it to the admin who gave me a warning. The warning can be seen by everyone on my profile.

I feel like this is unfair based on my situation. I had previously been open with people, open with the admin about my anxiety and struggles to interact with people. They were aware that I had used alcohol to talk to people. They were aware that I have no healthcare. I made a mistake by drinking too much alcohol and had no idea I would end up insulting an admin.

I feel like based on this information, the admin should have cut me a break and issued a verbal warning. There is not a zero tolerance policy, so the admin can do whatever they like.

I am wondering if I would be wrong to ask for the warning to be removed? I think it should be clear to them that this wasn't deliberate. They know I'm not a troublemaker like the other people they've issued warnings to.

Opinions?

Wow, I can really relate to this.

I had something similar happen at another forum. I'd been a valued member afaik, and put years worth of effort into helping people with various topics. The mods knew and respected me. I'd never done anything wrong. Some tensions started to build about an ongoing concern so I voiced them clearly to mods. I was articulate and kept my cool. For the most part it was a very productive conversation, but something they told me in confidence made me flip my lid. I told them I was quitting there but they kept deleting my goodbye post over and over. I kept rewriting it because I thought it was disappearing due to a technical glitch. It didn't occur to me that I wasn't allowed to say I was leaving. Then I ended up having a meltdown at their censure, and ranted here with a few references to things that had happened. I got permabanned and was never told why. I haven't broken any rules afaik other than the one saying they have discretion to ban for any reason.

I thought about making a new account just to discuss things with them but decided against it. In my case I don't want to go back and I don't want anything to do with the place, the more I reflect on various things that happened. I'm Level 2 ASD with ADHD, and I have a panic disorder as well as very serious CPTSD which can get triggered and send me off the deep end, but despite that I've always kept it in check. I don't expect to have special rights but at the same time it's a support site for autistic people and I'm about as autistic as a person can get. I've even had two strokes, so that means I have brain injuries which should, in an ideal world, be given some consideration. I think they were extremely ableist to say that I couldn't have one bad day, especially when it was triggered by their own mismanagement of member concerns. I didn't start any of that drama. That was all on them, and they'd admitted as such in our very reasonable conversation. I've since heard they made a lot of false assumptions about what was bothering me, too. Some of it even relates to my partner and his PTSD, so it was an insult against him as well.

Your situation resonates because you had the same impulsive response to something which triggered you. You feel like they were being ableist. You haven't said if it's an autistic gaming site, but I doubt it. That means your behaviour might have seemed even more unusual to them, compared to NTs. I feel badly that happened to you, but I'm glad you didn't get banned. The public warning is unacceptable in my opinion. I don't believe anyone should have a shame tag like that which is visible to others. It sounds like they're total dickheads imo.

I don't think it would be wrong for you to ask them to remove it. In fact, I would encourage you to do so. The job of moderators isn't to embarrass or ban anyone at the first sign of a problem. Moderators are supposed to be problem-solvers who work with members to a certain extent, to resolve differences of opinion about admin, or to intervene if there's conflict between members. Cornflake goes out of his way to do that here, so I think we're all a little spoiled. It's shocking when others can be such egregious buffoons, and expect us to roll with the punches.

I'd tell them how you feel, and even copy your OP message if you have trouble putting your thoughts into words again. They'll see that word travels fast between online communities, and maybe they'll fear losing high-profile members like yourself from their own.

Good luck.

I agree about you asking them. Be very open about the details. Any reasonable person should consider the request

Reminds me of the Steven Wright one liner:

"I once got a parking ticket. I plead insanity.".

Good luck.

I've been there too. I'm 30 years sober. You don't need to be drunk - just triggered.

The good news is you've said you know you were out of order, and you're unhappy that their reaction was over the top. So, how about sending the admin a private apology - an unconditional one, saying you understand your behaviour was wrong and that you hope they can see fit to remove the warning from your profile. Don't make any mention of the fact that their behaviour was wrong. That part is their problem.

It's all you can do. Either they accept it or not. If they do, all well and good. If not, then the forum is toxic and you're better off out of there.

mj1, I read your post.

My first thoughts are you should let this go. You made a mistake. Avoid making the same mistake again. You like being on this website, so comply with their rules.

On selective mutism. This is a central problem in your life. Somehow your mind should focus on correcting this weakness.

I did a small look at FIXING selective mutism on the internet. Most threads are focused on correcting this trait during childhood. This is what they discussed:

Part of the treatment involves helping children with Selective Mutism face the situations that make them anxious instead of avoiding them. This will help their anxiety fade away over time. However, children with selective mutism should never be coaxed or pushed to speak. The pace of treatment should be very gradual and children shouldn’t be asked to do something that is too difficult for them. The goal of treatment is to help build the child’s confidence by accumulating more successful speaking experiences. Pushing a child to do something more than she can handle can have a negative effect if she fails to be able to meet the expectation.

Source: Teacher's Guide to Selective Mutism

The key point in this paragraph is "The goal of treatment is to help build the child’s confidence by accumulating more successful speaking experiences." It is basically saying that to correct this problem, you need to be able to speak. Getting on the internet and communicating is not a good choice. You need to find someone to volunteer and allow you to speak your mind IN PERSON.

Goal - Seek out a good person who is willing to volunteer to help you, break off this steel chain.