Autism and lost potential

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I was a smart and curious kid when 10 or 15 years ago. Back then my iq was measured as 145. I was into my special interests and then i started to become socially isolated and depressed. After high school i wasted some years doing nothing because i was too depressed to do anything. Now im almost 26 and still in college and not working or earning money. So this is way below my potential. Im not that pessimistic to think that i've failed at life. But time passes so fast that makes me think i dont have much time.

Do you feel like aspergers kept you from reaching your true potential
And for those who are older than me what would you do different if you could turn back to my age?

First of all, if you're 25, you are just starting life. You still have ample time to figure out what you want to do with your life and to excel at it. I didn't figure it out until I was much older than you. I do think you are correct though. Time moves very quickly, so you don't want to waste it.

You're very fortunate in many ways. When I was your age, I didn't know that I was autistic. Can you imagine how it would feel to have the struggles you deal with and at the same time, not know why? Fortunately, now that more people are being diagnosed, it means that you and others have opportunities that I didn't have at your age. It also means you can use the resources available to you to overcome the challenges you experience. As difficult as it may be, try to look at the positives and be optimistic about your future. I'm sure you'll do great in life!

i not only missed the starting gun, i didn't know there was one, and by the time i became vaguely aware the race had been long forgotten and the track was turned into a parking lot.

Whoa I did not know that Elon Musk is Autistic!

I think having Aspergers has affected a lot of things in my life like finding love and getting married & getting a job/career

I blame my Autism 100% for why it has been taking so LONG to launch with my life!

Well that and having to take care of my mom for 3 years which set me back on my journey

But things are beginning to change and it's only a matter of time before I fully launch...

I think I did pretty well considering being Autistic in an NT world.

What I would do differently is keep in contact with people that I did get along with. I had this wrong idea that when you graduated or changed jobs that part of your life including the people was completely over with. Some people you keep in contact with may be able to help you be it with tips about job openings, they could become references. Even without career help if you like them you can get enjoyment socially.

I wouldn’t compare yourself to other so called autistics especially celebs

Some have dubious claims others had a lot of help financially via rich parents.

Autism is an umbrella condition anyway so they have a completely different biological makeup anyway and different impairments

I suppose the best advice would be to try to get into autistic friendly jobs, it’s a bit of a cliche but IT is one of the best known.

Try to find a partner that accepts you as you are, good luck

IQ is a tricky thing. And it is only part of the picture. I think my gifts like a team of horses, 6 strong horses. They only can pull my wagon when they are all pulling in the same direction. When they pull in all different directions or are jumping over each other, getting tangled up in the reins and kicking one another they just might kick the wagon to pieces or turn it over and drag it.

That is how I envision “potential”.

The IQ test setting isn’t much like real life. Nice quiet room, orderly set of questions one at a time.

I'm not sure if I could have done anything differently to be in a better place than I am now.
Back then society was different and many places were still having issues with gays and lesbians.
Not sure I could have gotten anywhere being transgender. I remember being at Westfarms Mall and a guy calling me out as I was obviously enjoying shopping! No, that isn't something that guys do. Don't do that!

As it was, I worked hard and saved a lot of money.
Got married at 36 and learned a ton about socializing, in that order!
Now I'm retired with nice investment portfolio and a paid up house!

I'd shop for my sweetie at to buy nice crystal jewelry. Now I shop at Victoria's Secret!

As I see it, you still have a lot of time left. It is up to you whether you want to push forward. Or not.

The concept of 'potential' can be a terrible thing. I was also a highly intelligent kid. As a result I was groomed for academic superstardom. It was completely wrong for me. I dropped out, and by age 26 I was drifting into alcoholism and mental illness. I survived at all only because I blundered into the right people at the right time.

I'd only do one thing different: never let anyone else define what my 'potential' is based on their own misguided or vicarious ideas of 'success'. We are all unique. And it's about the journey, not the destination. Life has taken me to some wonderful places in the past 30 years, and I still have no idea what my intended purpose on the planet is!

What held me back more is my upbringing and circumstances than autism.

My parents and people around me are clueless.
And they still are. So I'm still figuring out myself. The only reliable source I have so far is knowledge from other autistics.


It never helped back when my parents were more immature and I was their first child...
Might as well raised by people without empathy.

It's my autistic parts that can pierce past the veil and knows I can do more, that I can master myself. The need of predictability -- of self, above else, control of self l.
The worst thing it can do to me is go tunnel vision, into the unmanageable overwhelm and lock onto something.
And to me, this is 'easy' -- that is...

If it weren't for my 'human bits', which is a damaged angry child with a twisted sense of right and wrong.
Irrational, shortsighted and weak. It's been dragging me down more than 'autism' did.
The most annoying part is that this part of me calls the shots more. And I hate it.
If this part of me is being pathetic, it cannot hope to master and work with the autism, and spent more time into those less reasonable inner states.

You know, the one that reacts through the autistic lens -- the part of me that didn't react with typical autistic anxiety.
You know, the part that is more affected by upbringing and social interactions -- and thus also being unreasonable and irrational because of internalizing shite.

I do not blame the autism.
If anything, it's the autism that gave me the ideas as to how and where and all those possibilities and plans. Or interpretations of whatever ideas.

It's the human bits that refuses to make up it's own mind -- helpless and stuck or floating with novelty and ideas. Wanting in between. Wanting it both.
It's this part that 'needed' to be 'persuaded' into an 'idea'.




TLDR;

I have to un-f*** myself. That's my only goal since I was 6, and I just hadn't had a word for it.

No, it's not the autism that did the f---ing.
More like ignorance did.

It's this 'human' part of me that I have to un-f***.

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I wonder if NTs sit around pondering their lost potential.

Example:

If I were only autistic I might not lie so much. I might notice details that are important, and I might have a really strong work ethic. It would be better if I didn't waste all my time and money getting wasted on weekends, and I developed a hobby. People always tell me I should have a hobby, but I don't know how to fill five minutes of time on my own volition ....