Normal childhood then........

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I had a normal childhood. Developed accordingly. Many friends very outgoing. Always understood social cues and all that stuff. As I transitioned to my teenage years my anxiety shot up 1000 percent. I'm talking 8th 9th grade. So 14-15 years old. Also started struggling in school around this time. Especially math. My confidence plummeted. I saw everyone as better than me. I remained very close with my friends from the neighborhood. But I could feel I was changing. The anxiety, not as outgoing as I once was. When high-school ended I felt like a shell of my former self. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. All the other kids are decided on what colleges to attend and I'm stuck in neutral. What I'm saying is I'm 39 now, I've been underemployed my entire adult life. No social life. No friends. Around my early 20s I developed echolalia and I done it to this day. I hate it. I feel like I fit some the autism symptoms. Any ideas what the hell happened to me

Do you know something? That life is not about what society expects...

I know the neutral gear feeling. Like a yaucht without its sails drifting...

Waiting for "LIFE" to happen...

But be blessed! Life has a different meaning!

Step out of time and see!

Autism or not? Maybe! But does it matter? A label? Does a label matter?

Yes, get assessed as there are soo many inward questions that are not answered...

Questions that one will not be satisfied unless one knows!

But LIFE is beyond all that!

Life! Are we who are drifting rejects? NOO! Certainly NOT!

We WATCH life in a way that others don't see!

We are on the outside looking in!

We store up inward ideas and plans...

Ideas and plans that others don't think!

We have POTENTIAL untapped!

For we are the next NEW thing!

You may want to see a doctor to see if you have an anxiety disorder. There are medications that can help with that. They used to have nasty side effects, like the loss of libido, but considering your current state, that may be acceptable. Fix your anxiety now and work on other stuff later.
Lexapro is an example of an expensive SSRI with fewer side effects that went off patent a decade ago.

Anxiety disorders typically show up in early adulthood.

https://www.nami.org/About-Mental-Illne ... -Disorders

Thank you for the feedback, but can anyone explain the echolalia popping up in my 20s. Was autism simmering below the surface then manifest as I aged? This sucks major balls

https://www.osmosis.org/answers/echolalia
Pharmacotherapy may be indicated in older children, where the echolalia is triggered by stress and anxiety and may include selective-serotonin reuptake inhibitors, or SSRIs (e.g., clomipramine, fluoxetine).

Where I live, treatment for mental disorders stops when you become an adult!
I know because I asked a lady who is on disability because of mental health issues.
She did some volunteer part time work until she ran into issues with her support dog.
So, that may explain the phrase "indicated in older children."
When you become and adult you may become invisible, just as old women typically become invisible at bars or drinking establishments.