Your reaction when someone first suggested youwere autistic?

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Relief? Anger? Disbelief? Elation?

And why?

2 follow up questions:

1) Who first brought it up to you? (A parent, doctor, classmate - or did you read about it yourself?)

2) Had you heard of it before?

P.S. I feel must say the typo in the title (lack of spacing) is due to running out of characters.

My daughter said it to me. She was about 20 and I was sat on the floor having a sensory meltdown in the bedding section of a department store. She said she thought I knew, and that I just didn't talk about it. She was very surprised that I didn't know about my autism and that I'd never been assessed.

My reaction: Lightbulb moment.
I wasn't quite sure what autism was all about but somehow I knew it was the right word.
I don't remember how I replied to her, but it was likely with curiosity.
I went online for more info and got diagnosed Level 2 about six months later.


I had worked with autistic students before but didn't know what their "inner life" was like.
I had never connected the dots

I've been racking my brain, trying to figure out why it never occurred to me that I am autistic, and the best I can figure is that media representations of autism are nothing like my experience. Characters who are more like me are sometimes "coded" as autistic, but usually just "smart and weird" instead of, "hey, this is what autism can look like"

So I figured I was nothing like Rain Man, so I can't be autistic. It wasn't until I started researching masking, adult diagnosis, and the DSM-5 criteria that it seemed likely. And here I am!

My reaction? Something like "Thank you, Mister Obvious."

Fascinating answer. To have a child mention it I initially to their parent is particularly interesting to me.

When did you finally realise? Did someone say it to you initially or was it through research you stumbled across it (or were you seeking answers)?

I honestly thought people were trying to prank me. Have had people come up and ask if I was or tell me I am many times from my childhood onwards but I thought they were joking.
Once I rushed outside a building thinking someone I knew had put the person up to the joke by telling me that, and I expected to see someone outside laughing away, but no one was there!

The rsason why I thought I was being pranked was that I only ever saw the extremely dissabled cases of autism on TV, and it is not only me that thought that here in the UK, as about four and a half years ago when I was first put on the list, my Mum mentioned it to someone we know as the guy who was in his 70's had some sort of stomache condition which was rare, and I was trying to discover what the shutdowns were (Didn't know they had a name back then). And he was trying to tell me that I had what hehad but it wasn't the same. And I mentioned that the triggers seemed to be similar to autism meltdowns, and said how I had asked the doctor if there was a link, and the doctor (Who herself didn't seem to know what autism shutdowns were) had referred me to the autism team to be assessed. Now this guys wife who was around 20 years younger so she was in her late 50's was a scholl teacher in one of the largest secondary schools in Wales and she said "No way do you have autism. You are not in a wheelchair!"
But this is the problem here in the UK is that unless we stumble on it ourselves usually in desparation (Which was how I found out after years and years of trying to find out what was causing me the problems where I had to quit jobs etc) or by chance discovery, and it is because only the very worst cases are ever seen on the news so most people who may be autistic and not know, may not associate with being the same as a severly autistic person who is needing major help to survive.
It is why I thought people who told me I was on the spectrum (Or told me they thought I was on the spectrum) were joking.
But it kept happening to me through my life, from my school years onwards... People, be they kids or adults were telling me I was autistic or had aspergers syndrome etc.
Had a managsr I worked for who kept saying he could not work out how I think. And towards the end of the two years I worked there he came up to me and said "I've got it! You are autistic!" I said " No I'm not! " But he said I needed to get tested. He was convinced! He was one who was at a managers level where th ey learned how people think in order how to sell things. Way above the level that most store managers ever reach. An exceptionally tallented and bright man who gave his all to his job and career, and was able to train us in ways we would have never have achieved had he not been our manager! An absolutely brilliant man!

But I have also had medically trained psople tell me. Once in A&E as I had gone in to the hospital to have a blood test and they thought I had fainted (Were repeating shutdowns as every time I started pulling out of a shutdown initially caused by the blood test experience and the hospital enviroment (Smells etc) the nurse kept trying to force me to talk and use my brain by asking questions "What is your name? What is your address etc") which when I tried to think, I went into more and more repeat shutdowns... So I eventually ended up in A&E where a very bright foreign doctor saw me and said it definately wasn't fainting and gave specific reasons why. He asked if I was on the autism spectrum. I said "No". He was actually surprized at my reply! As he was convinced by my experiences with what I assumed were fainting were autism related.
But at a gathering of people from various church groups I was asked to attend, this man kept watching me. Thought "Why is he watching me?" Then he came up as my brother and I were there and he asked if I knew I was on the autism spectrum? He said he was a psycologist and had been watching me and started to say a list of the things he had seen. I was called elsewhere by my Mum to help this elderly blind man, so my brother talked to him and he didn't remember what was said. But my brother thought it was funny and said "I always knew there was something wrong with you!" (He is much younger than me. Is his humour!)

But yes! It is one of those things that throughout my life people have said to me including a doctor when I was in my 20's and I never believed them. It came as a complete shock when I started to date a lady who had aspergers syndrome which I didn't know what it was, when she tried to describe what she said was how it effected her and to me it all seemed "Normal" apart from one trait she had which I said "You're on your own with that!" (I said in my humour!) But she had me take the online test thing and I could not take it in. It said "See a psycologist, a psyciatrist or a health professional".
That was two years before I was placed on the assessment list four and a half years ago. Am going through the assessment process now. Still not sure of the outcome BUT I know I have traits!
That came as a shock joining this site, and discovering trait after trait I had! Thought they were just part of my character. Didn't know they were anything to do with autism! I was sort of embarissed but in awe at the ssme time as others were able to tell me more about myself than I knew if that makes sense?

But I am typing too much now! And I don't know if I am on the spectrum. But I fully well know I have traits!

I felt a little bitter when my mum told me when I was 15. My sister who's three years younger was babysitting. My mum told me that I'm not ret*rded, British or adopted. That I'm autistic but I have a very mild case. I was thinking in my mind, "And that's why this is not an equal opportunity household and my kid sister will always have more opportunities than I will."

I had always felt different from other people. Did a nursing degree because I thought that might give me answers. Saw a psychologist when I finished my degree and she suggested I was probably autistic. At the time I didn’t know anything about it, so I dismissed it. That was when I was 38. Two years ago I started seeing a psychologist again, and this one also said I was definitely autistic. I started the process of trying to get a diagnosis, but life and stuff happened, and only just got diagnosed a few months after my 54th birthday. When I got my diagnosis I just felt relief that there was an answer to why I am the way I am, and that most of my f**k ups were not my fault.

A coworker who's husband worked with kids with autism suggested it.

I think I owe her a dollar.

I knew virtually nothing about Autism. I had heard of Rain Man [1988] but had never seen it. I had a vague expectation that Autism was always extremely disabling and probably required institutionalization. I did not know it had become a Spectrum disease in 2013.

Then, during the end of 2018/beginning of 2019 holiday season, we visited my then 88 year old Dad, who lived 700+ miles (1,100+ km) from us. We learned that in 2018 my sister, who works as a nanny for special-needs children, had taken one of them with her when visiting Dad...and Dad several times observed that the kid was doing the same "weird" things I used to do. Note that I would've been doing the "weird" things in the late 1950s! (P.S. Reportedly, Dad liked the kid.)

This surprised me because my sister had previously mentioned the kid to me and noted that they were wondering if he was Autistic.

I already had a strong suspicion that I really was "different" but had no idea what that difference might be. While Autism seemed extremely unlikely, I researched it on the Internet. And it sounded like me!!

So, I got my bride to read up on Autism and she agreed, it sounded like me.

Then I found and took the Autism-Spectrum Quotient Test (AQ) on the Internet and it also said it sounded like me.

So I got a formal Adult Autism Assessment. And a Autism Spectrum Disorder, Level 1 (Mild) diagnosis.

How did I feel about it? Delighted!! I finally knew it was not my imagination, other people really were messed up.

No. I didn't know much about the condition and didn't see anything to be relieved, angry or elated about.


Yes, or at least I thought it was probably wrong. The person who suggested it was studying autism and how to teach autistic kids, as part of the curriculum of teacher training, so I rather suspected it was just a case of them seeing autism in everything. But being a trained scientist I try to carefully guard myself against jumping to conclusions, so as I couldn't logically rule it out on those grounds, I had enough "faith" to make further inquiries, which cost me very little effort or pain. I took a couple of online tests at work, so it was the boss' time I spent on it, not my own.


The person was my wife at the time.


Only a little bit:

1. Way back in my youth, in the 1970s, I'd seen a fictional ghost story on TV in which one of the characters was an autistic child who was getting messages from the spirit world. She was in a world of her own, practically ignoring other people and heavily focussed on drawing pictures. I somewhat envied her for being so valued as a spirit medium and for being able to refuse to to let the grown-ups push her around or send her to school.

2. Much later on I heard on the radio news that the autistic community were asking to be viewed as simply different rather than having something the matter with them, and that was right up my street because ever since my youth I'd come to feel strongly that there are some unusual groups, such as hippies, who mainstream society often dismisses as inferior when if anything it's the other way round.

3. A little later on my wife was struggling with this teacher training course, and got me to transcribe some of the cassette recordings she'd made of the lectures. So I probably picked up a thing or there two about ASD, though I can't remember any specifics. I was quite busy with my own interests at the time so I didn't think much about the content unless it particularly grabbed me, like the "woke" stuff about Malcolm X, history of slavery, racism and all that, which impressed me. Oddly enough she herself was very sold on American Dream ideology, which is part of the reason I eventually divorced her.


Good compromise. Perhaps a better one would have been to leave out the question mark, but it's easy to be wise after the event.

At a workplace I was at in 2009, a colleague kept making jokes about my lack of eye contact and then the person who said that, discussed with another colleague, "a guy they knew with autism" (a different guy than me), but they seemed to be insinuating I had the same condition in various subtle ways that were not direct or explicit.

Which is when I began suspecting with any seriousness that I had the condition.

The first person who suggested I was autistic was a former work supervisor.
She actually asked, "Do you think you might be on the spectrum?" During my work performance review.
I said, "Probably."
Because I'd already been thinking I might be.
This was around 2009/10.

I came up with it on my own. No one had suggested it. It was in 1997 when I read a book review in the New York Times of a book called Shadow syndromes, about conditions that can manifest in more attenuated ways. There was a chapter about the difference between classic autism and Asperger's, and it also suggested it could manifest in even more attenuated ways that wouldn't even meet the criteria for Asperger's. There were some examples that really resonated with me, like a guy who was unable to follow dance steps and a little girl who couldn't understand the purpose of team sports though she tried to go along and pretended to understand why she was playing.

But there was nowhere to go with this information. Since then I have had two evaluations that both came back inconclusive, which to me confirms my initial thought: that I have a mild form of autism that is below what can be diagnosed, but that the specialists could not dismiss altogether.

It has been a relief and has answered a lot of questions for me about how I am. Though I have found no outside help. My current therapist believes that I am autistic and that it explains some of my thoughts and behaviors, which are otherwise inexplicable and maladjusted.

"No I'm not," and didn't think any more of it for the next 15 years.