Quote:
All I know is that I don’t want to date men. I like them as people, but I have no interest in dating them. People don’t seem to understand that basic concept. They keep trying to force me to give men a chance even though it’s disgusting/boring to me.
*Sighs*
Yeah, I've been there. Unfortunately some people just don't really get it. They refuse to listen. They hear 'I'm not attracted to men' and take it as an opening statement in a debate when there's no debate. You're just stating a piece of information.
"Well that's because you haven't met me yet!"
Or
"Why? But my son would be perfect - blah blah blah"
Or
"So, you hate men? Is that it?"
It can be pretty tiring. People expecting you to make your case (or twisting your words into something they are not) as if you have to justify something that just is. That's just innate to you.
Then you might wonder 'What can I do so they will recognise me as who I am and not question me all the time instead?'
It's difficult but sometimes you have to accept that some people are just intentionality obtuse and difficult. They'll think they know you better than you do even when they really don't.
However, their opinion isn't what matters. Rather, what matters more is making connections with others in the community and with allys that get it.
I can certainly understand the worry of looking like a straight ally and that you'll be overlooked. I used to worry that people in the community wouldn't take me seriously and that I'd be invisible to women because they'd assume me to be straight and not believe me when I told them otherwise. Imagine my surprise when the reaction was overwhelmingly 'Yeah, I knew instantly, you're pretty obviously gay, it's not difficult to spot'.
As for sexual or physical attraction coming out of nowhere, yeah, I've been there as well. It's quite common for there to be high points and low points. Sometimes it does just hit you out of nowhere. Especially if you're used to repressing / trying to ignore it or there's a sense of shame attached. I know when I've been feeling really down (exhausted, stressed, going through a rough patch) and then I've got through that, well those feelings can sometimes rather abruptly come back.
I think a good question to ask yourself would be - why do you find it overwhelming? Do you feel ashamed or worried about being predatory / seen as such? I know it can be difficult to identify the route of being overwhelmed sometimes, but if you can reflect on this at all then it might help.
Of course, I am a mere stranger on the Internet. You know your mind better than I ever will. Still, I hope this post is helpful.
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Support human artists! Do not let the craft die.
25. Near the spectrum but not on it.
06 Dec 2023, 12:37 am
