If you got a video of your whole life.

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How would you react if you suddenly received a video you could watch of your entire life from birth to the present?

I might destroy it.

Tell myself I'll get around to watching it later. Never follow through.

I've always wanted that. I'd be in awe of the childhood stuff. I'd likely fast forward or scene skip through the early 2000s but the rest of it could be interesting. The last 10 years would show me lounging around with a book, so that would be calming and entice me to read more.

What I'd really, really like would be the full transcript of my thoughts from cogency to now, not even my spoken words but just my thoughts. I want to know what was really happening for me at various times.

I'd have evidence of what I started putting myself through at the tender age of 11 until the January of 2016 to show people that I share my story with. There might even be a clue as to why my little sister told me that I reminded her of Schultz when I quipped that I was Peter Newkirk. I think I mentioned to her and a little boy Chris who came over with his dad for two week visits that I preferred Germany over Britain and I told my sister not to tell anyone. I'll also get to see how that Union Jack mask caused me to have multiple breakdowns between 1986 and the January of 2016. The times I mentioned that I had a dream about Germany. The time Britain became real in the Mid-90s. The time that it was no longer real in the January of 2016.

My knee jerk reaction would be to say I'd hate it. There's so much I never want to see again, or even know for sure in the first place, On the other hand, there's so much I forgot. It could be nice to do things like see my kids as little ones again. It's not like I have videos of any of that or anything. I'd like to see some of the old art pieces I did back in the day to. A few deceased friends it would be nice to hear laugh again. If I could skip parts of it, that would be alight, I suppose. If I can't skip over bits, I'd not watch the thing.

I'd watch it, cry, and then lament the existence of such a video.

It would be the end of my life probably. I already spend too much time thinking about the past and wishing i could reach it somehow. I could watch a 44 year long video and never do anything else in my life, probably wouldn't even have time to watch it all. Its a good thing that it doesn't exist.

Funny that you mention it.

I recently had an insight.

An insight that causes me to ...figuritively speaking ...review the entire "video tape", or "movie film", of my entire life ..from childhood onward...in order to "edit" one thing. That one thing being ...all the zillions of times my parents told me X, and for me to "film edit" by replacing that wrong thing X with the right thing Y. Because they did not really mean "X", and saying X was hypocritical and destructive, and saying Y wouldve been the constructive and more accurate thing to say.

Its like in my mind I am raising myself all over again...by using adobe premier software to edit out a single phrase whenever it appears in my memory, ie in the soundtrack of the film of my whole life- and replace it with certain other phrase.

I used to think that I had a miserable life, but in fact there were many toys in my childhood. I suspect that I forgot a lot of things, maybe pain or joy. The reason may be symptoms of depression or lack of appreciation. In fact I'd like to see it.

If I watched that video I would probably have to re-evaluate a lot of my life because I'd find out that I have been remembering a lot of things wrong. A couple of years ago I dug up my old diaries from when I was in my 20's. Turned out I was a completely different thinking person back then and someone I don't even like today. Before that I always thought I have been pretty much the same guy since I was a kid, just getting a bit older and wiser as time moves on.

I'd quickly turn the vid on to watch & then get sidetracked doing net stuff on my phone or computer because the majority of my life has been in front the TV while partly focusing on other thingso