long term grudges

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What kind of long term grudges did you hold against someone? What did they allegedly do wrong?

What kind of long term grudges did someone hold against you? What did they tell you, you did wrong?

if I understand somebody did something deliberately to harm me, embarass, shame, or otherwise make me a victim of their actions, I am pretty rigid and slow to forgive. Many people have grudges against me, and have stopped communication or interacting with me, but until I learned about my autism I did not understand why. One or two folks were offended by things I said or did without the intention to cause hurt, (but I did hurt them, I think) and took revenge in sabotaging my work, setting me up as a scapegoat for blame for things I did not do, etc... I still have not forgiven those folks. That happened maybe 4 or 5 times in my life, 3 of them were family members. I still don't interact with them on any level if I can help it. I am very slow to forgive.

I generally don't hold grudges long at all.

There is one, though that I still have thirty years later. I was head of R&D at a company years ago and we were defrauded badly by another company that owed us a lot of money. It was so bad that it drove us into bankruptcy. At the time, I was the fourth largest stockholder in the company. If we hadn't been driven out of business, I would be worth tens of millions or hundreds of millions of dollars by now, maybe more.

I have never lost by grudge against the fraudsters in the company that drove us into bankruptcy.

I held a grudge against my dad for a long time because he underestimated the type of future I'd had and showed displeasure towards my accent when I was 12. I no longer hold a grudge against him.

I'm still holding a grudge against Ken Livingstone because of what he did to London's bus system.

Hmm.....grudge...."a feeling of resentment harbored because of some real or fancied wrong"........"a strong feeling of anger and dislike for a person who you feel has treated you badly, especially one that lasts for a long time."

I don't think I have much in the way of long term grudges. Maybe a little bit towards one or two of my schoolteachers back in the 1960s, but strangely not towards my mother who must have given me as much pain. I suppose it's because I can see that my mother was a rather disturbed person, and therefore somehow beneath the required level of responsibility for judgement, while those cruel teachers seem to have had a lot more of a choice about their behaviour towards me - in those days teachers had a lot more freedom to do as they liked, and they certainly didn't seem terribly overworked or unhappy.

I have trouble resisting the temptation to discuss and lampoon some of the naff behaviour of one of my ex-wives when I recall it, but I don't think that's really resentment. It's more light-hearted than that, though as we were married a long time I do feel a bit of resentment that the relationship wasted such a large chunk of my life. Still, I understand that nobody forced me to stay with her, and when she'd crossed one line too many I got rid of her and thus "had the last laugh," if I may put it so crudely. I've had other partners who gave me more pain but these days I feel more sorry for them than I do for myself. I probably tend to emphasise their unreasonable behaviour when I talk about them, at least to a degree, but I think a lot of that is down to my desire to justify my own actions rather than to demonise them particularly.

I do tend to rather strongly resent people who are currently messing up my life or the lives of others who I care about. My neighbour who lives in the apartment above mine makes a hell of a racket, often right through until the small hours of the morning when I'm trying to sleep. I've named him "Tinkerbell" which is deliberately ironic because he's a clumsy "big-footed elephant." I would also like to take revenge against him, at least I think I would, though if I got the chance to seriously mess up his life then I'd probably not actually do that. But it's different because he's a current problem and I'll very likely stop denigrating him to myself and others as soon as he stops causing me pain.

I guess I entertain quite a lot of ignoble thoughts, and they can sometimes take the form of grudges. I don't feel particularly guilty about it because my behaviour towards the targets of my resentment isn't anything like so nasty as what goes on in my mind. I think it may be dangerous to try to sanitise my inner feelings too much. So I allow myself to denigrate in my own head as a kind of safety valve. I know I don't really mean it.

I don't tend to hold grudges at all. If I have to, I will simply remove that person from my life but even that isn't something I do lightly.

I've never seen the point of holding on the anger, it doesn't harm the other person in the slightest, but does have negative effects on my well-being, which doesn't help anything.

I don't know what grudges other people my have towards me, its none of my business.

I hold grudges for a ridiculously long time. Like so long I oughta have a written list because I keep forgetting why I'm mad at people in the first place. Someone told me that holding grudges against people was bad, so I tried to stop.
When I was younger, I kept getting picked on/bullied for reasons I don't remember and I'd put my hands over my ears and repeat saying, "don't hold a grudge" over and over again.
When that didn't help anything, I just gave up on the concept of forgiving people, especially when they don't apologize.

Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and then waiting for the other person to die.

I don't hold grudges but I have a very good memory.
When I'm triggered by something else, the memories sometimes flood back.
That happens even if the trigger wasn't related to that person.
It's like an insecurity reflex.

I have to talk myself through them so the person won't think it's a grudge.

I actually have the opposite thing, in general.
I forgive people far, far too easily and too often.
I take the blame for everything because of my guilt / shame spiral from CPTSD.

That all being said, screw with my kids or someone I love, and I will hold a grudge.
I'm more affected by others being wronged than myself.

if you apologize to me it is incredibly unlikely that i dont accept said apology so it's rare for me to hold grudges unless someone is just a dick in general in which case that's less of a grudge that's just me not liking them

I find long term grudges are cured by alcohol and memory loss

I am an expert at holding grudges. People who bullied me, talked down to me, talked s--t about me and made up lies, manager who wrote me up for something petty because I wouldn't kiss his sorry ass, former neighbor, as*hole who hit my car a couple years ago and putzed around for 2 months trying to get out of taking responsibility. Being Bullied in Jr High, Co worker who made up a lie about me and nearly got me fired. I could go on.

The only way I will ever get over some of them will be if I found they were held responsible or if some tragedy befalls them.

I had a long term grudge related to the longing of being understood.

So I held a really high standard towards my family and those who are supposedly know me enough to understand me.

They disappointed me.
In my eyes, then, they're no different than the bullies. This also mean they will never be empathetic towards me.


I was only recently having to let go of this.
Letting go of the longing to be understood.

Therefore releasing me from a standard I put myself when seeing other people, and also extends to other people seeing me.

I no longer expect empathy.
I no longer expect anyone to stop being ignorant. I let them be for real.
I no longer expect those who are close to me to 'know better'.

But people still disappoint me still of what they do overall.
Just no longer hold grudges if there's nothing that fits me, if there's nothing that resonates me -- then leads and causes conflict or problems...


I'm a bit happier now.

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I have held grudges against the people who bullied me during my childhood and teen years.  By sheer coincidence, all of those people have either died, gone to prison, become homeless, or contracted some form of dementia.

An Irish priest once told me to 'pray for the bastards'. This works even if you have no religion. Leave it to God, or karma, or the forces of nature, etc., and they will deal with it.