What disorders do you relate to?

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I needed a long time to out what’s wrong with me or in which diagnostic categories I fit best…

1) autism with speech delay (I started speaking age 5 1/2 and auditory processing disorder
2) trauma related disorder (I don’t think I fit in the diagnostic criteria of PTSD anymore, but I used to, late onset and cleithrophobia because of it)
3) I was treated for dyslexia because of severe auditory processing disorder as a child…
4) some sh***y mood disorder, especially related to the trauma in my opinion. I’ve difficulties to pinpoint the exact type.
5) ftm transgender, I transitioned years ago
6) Tourette’s with possibly ADHD, not sure

Basically I feel like a mess, but I deal quite well
Just needed to get it off my chest.

I think I might have Tourette's.
I never got around to being assessed but I know a place that will do it.

I have just about everything else lol.

I don't know how to differentiate tics from stims.
I certainly do odd, repetitive things involuntarily.
They aren't the standard tics though, so I don't know if they count.

I do vocal tics too but couldn't they be echolalia?

1. autism, obviously
2. OCD
3. ADHD... I relate to it, but don't think I fit all the criteria. I do have a diagnosis though
4. Persistent tic disorder (I have multiple motor tics)
5. depression
6. Borderline personality disorder. Not dx'd, but pretty sure I either have it or at least prominent traits of it.
7. dyscalculia.... again, not dx'd, but it was pretty damn evident by my school years

I do grunting and weird sounds or animal sounds. Some onomatopoeia but no squeaking because that would hurt my ears.

Random words - yes, but they’re usually sound effects rather than totally random. I say “umph” when I sit or stand, and I roar a lot.

Maybe I’m just special.

Which meds are you on?

- personality disorders (in globo or for example schizoid, antisocial, obsessive-compulsive, avoidant, narcissistic),
- OCD and fear/anxiety problems like ones associated with religion and existential/suffering issues; dysmorphophobia(?),
- pervasive developmental disorders, ASD,
- schizophrenia spectrum disorders (especially schizotypal),
- sexual preference disorders, peculiar or problematic impure temptations (such as bizarre fetishism or male autogynephilia),
- multiple-complex developmental disorder (McDD),
- SCT/CDD (sluggish cognitive tempo/concentration deficit disorder),
- ADHD,
- NVLD (nonverbal learning disability) or at least having VIQ>>PIQ,
- cPTSD, PTSD(?),
- mood disorders (depression, bipolar).

Yeah, I feel SCT too. ^
I'm not sure if it was ruled out in my ADHD screen, or if they didn't test for it.


@Blitz,
I used to take Risperidone to reduce my stimming because it led to self-harm.
I didn't notice any major improvement when I was on it.
Mind you, meds seldom work for me.
It just makes me wonder if that psychiatrist was thinking of Tourette's.
Hmmm.


Sertraline - I took that too, but it was for PTSD.
I usually refer to it as Zoloft, but I actually took Sertraline (the generic).
For some reason it worked better than real Zoloft.
Do you find it makes you anxious?

I was diagnosed with ADHD long ago. Recently with an anxiety disorder of sort. I don't know which one as I didn't even know I was formally diagnosed with any such thing until very recently.

I joined this forum because clearly I relate to autism. I haven't been diagnosed, but plan to get screened someday. I will not say I'm autistic before that diagnosis, but I enjoy being a part of the community. I am trying to understand myself and why I am the way I am. Autism makes a lot of quirks about me make a lot of sense. Especially knowing how it presents in other women and also knowing about the contradictory traits of someone who is both autistic and ADHD. It all makes a lot of sense.

No doubt that even if I get the autism diagnosis, there is more to be discovered.

Sorry for this whole tangent below, but this bothers me so much and is related to me wanting to discover what's going on:

I love music. I have been a musician for over two decades now between school band, college band & orchestra and community band and orchestra. I have always been mediocre and inconsistent as a musician, though. I've experienced many disappointments. It took me a very long time to think that there was actually something with my brain causing it and it not just being the fault of me not practicing enough. It all came to a head when I performed in a pit orchestra for an opera that my university was putting on and I had a solo in the beginning with syncopation. I practiced that solo relentlessly and could play it a hundred times successfully right by my orchestra members (so performance anxiety, while present in me just a debilitating issue for me after all) but when put with the orchestra for rehearsal or performance I messed up almost every time.

I was mortified. This was at the end of my last semester in university before graduating. I panicked and told my parents that I would have to check into what's going on in my brain before returning to music again after the semester ended, because it's not a practice issue. Something is off in my brain, and I want to know. No matter how much I practice, I can never play consistently with others, and I always flub fast passages no matter how much I have practiced them. I still don't know what this means. Because apparently my brain and hands have the ability to play fast passages, it just...messes up when in context of playing with others. Even if anxiety of playing around others is present, there's much more to this.

I've come to a few ideas:

1. Perhaps my brain is inconsistent. Like sometimes my brain "resets" or something when performing a piece and it can mess me up in the middle of a complex passage. Alternatively, I've thought that maybe my attention/focus is somehow taken off of the music outside of my control and not really consciously. This led me to actually reexplore ADHD as an adult, sadly treating ADHD didn't really change it.

2. Perhaps my brain just moves too slow. This has been my thinking for the past year or so. Or just as I was thinking of explaining this whole situation: Perhaps my brain just can't focus on enough things at once. Playing with others is just too much for me to comprehend? Perhaps because my brain is too slow to comprehend it all at once?

I'm heartbroken. Mentioned this to a friend who is also a fantastic teacher who taught me lessons and really changed my life (years ago she pulled me out of a rut where I was very discouraged by my inability to play like others). She simply told me something about God making people for different roles. It was honestly, the most and only discouraging thing she has ever told me and that has led me down a spiral. (She is a strong Christian, so she really means that. She must find something fascinating about it. For me, I don't believe in any God and think that my brain is just defective and I don't see any beauty in it). It's mortifying to think that I might actually have a "slow" brain. There's so much stigma attached to that idea...

Regardless, I bring all of this up because I'm trying to figure out what this might be. I noticed some mentioning something called "sluggish cognitive tempo" in this topic and thought that might be something to look into. My therapist told me that I would need to go to a neuro something doctor to figure this out. Seeing as I'm in the process of moving, a lot of things like that (and getting tested for autism) are on a waiting list for me to see doctors about after moving. I hate the waiting, but if I go spend money or make a series of appointments that could hold me back in my move, so it just makes sense to me.

Anyway, long oversharing post for no reason done.

Dyscalculia. Or some other form of visual processing disorder. I had tests done by an education officer and my visual processing ability was noted as severely low. Yet it was shrugged off because I was 'fine overall' and people didn't want to label it. I had people tell me that I was just anxious, but that never really seemed to cover what was going on.

I have wondered about ADHD before. Mainly because I meet a lot of people who are diagnosed. As if I just unintentionally summon them somehow.

I was woefully disorganised as a student. Always misplacing things. My folders were a scattered mess. I actually finished college (sixth form equivalent) months later than everyone else because I was so bad at time management that I only started on some of the projects months after they were due. Looking back, I've no idea how I ended up in such a mess.

There was also a time in Secondary school where I zoned out during class, heard the late bell (to signify that you really should be in class at this point) and mistook it as the end of class bell so I left and went to the wrong class.

Oh dear. I had some adventures that's for sure.

I've definitely gotten better at time management, not zoning out and focusing but I can still be a bit of a mess. Sometimes I overprepare as a result because I know what I'm like.

Generalized anxiety disorder
Panic disorder
Dyscalculia
PMS
Depression
Emetophobia, cynophobia, dentophobia, ergophobia, nosophobia, pedophobia, ephebiphobia, enochlophobia, aviophobia, agyrophobia, acrophobia, ecophobia, hodophobia, nosophobia, tokophobia, nuclear phobia, coronophobia. I think that about covers it.

Transgender was a big socializing issue for me as I fell into the uncanny valley between male and female.
It is hard to socialize when someone's gender calculator is stuck!
Mix in some autism and it gets even harder.

I don't know.
The usual ND way of not belonging is the closest.

Sensory sensitivities that are natural and yet with sensory dysregulation that feels more biological, more to do with my health and sleep issues.

Emotional sensitivity that came from wrong upbringing and emotional dysregulation that feels like full-blown unwanted disorder, rooted from neglect or trauma -- the kind that makes someone preoccupied over self like how those with chronic illness are self preoccupied.

More fight and aggression than flight or freeze.
Is there a condition where your automatic response is fight and you spent half of your day dysregulated and stopping yourself?

Having social issues, but no social anxiety.
Having language issues, but do not care about repercussions of what is being said.

Active but not healthy.
Knows better but doesn't do it because stupid subconscious and stupid emotionality shite.


I don't have a diagnosis that I can relate.
Not even autism. Autism isn't the complete picture of whatever I'm dealing with.

I don't have a story that I can relate.

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