Every day is sadder

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Every day I spend in school, no matter the academic performance I have, I feel like a waste of human products to my classmates even if they don't think so. Ever since the breakup, I never have been able to detect a like-minded person. Everyone is different. No one understands me. I want to be comforted and loved again. No point of return.

The only moments of joy are when I enjoy the funny moments or some good conversations but never will I be the same man since the loss of my close friend. Never. Looking at how normal ones managed to spike up a good conversation while all I do is lose myself with repetitive walking and stimming due to the ever dreadful atmosphere of involuntary isolation I get. No one wants to walk with me anymore around the town. I see no one who would genuinely understand me.

Eh man…. my only friends are auti's. I found them through an online forum over a shared craft/skill. I don't think I ever saw a like minded person at school or at work…. I have 3 friends now and the person I married.

It's that we are such a small portion of society. If we are 5% it is much. I'm not surprised there's no one like us on your school. Maybe you can use the people that are at your school to service just a small portion of your character?

Only talk to 2 people over lunch and share memes with them. Nothing more. Only talk to one other person in class 3 and have a one time conversation about the ancient skill of whateveryourinterest. Only wave and say hello to the neighbour down the street on Wednesday. Only talk about their dog, once.
Don't try and find your one good friend just yet. Spread it.

I am so so sorry over the loss of your friend. You will have to make do in this new world you find yourself in. You can do this. But we can't change the world and I'm so sorry for this. Just live life one day at the time. Right now you're wounded, you need time to recuperate, you have just about the reserve to live through each day, don't demand more of yourself. You are great and from your little text alone I can name strengths you have. One being you are aware of your feelings. Another one you are good with words. These might be two things that come naturally to you and for that you don't value them as much, but man, they are treasures! Soon you'll discover (new) ways to deploy these strengths and find things you want. But first you have to recuperate. Take care.

It can be difficult to lose someone as a friend and then feel lonely.

I do hope that you make a replacement friend soon, or at least feel better about your social isolation.

I am so sorry. Losing the people who really see and understand us is very painful. I hope it gets easier with time.

Sweet Pea hugs