ʕ´•ᴥ•`ʔ High Expectations for Others

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As an autistic girly, I hold myself to very high standards (which leads to a lot of perfectionist tendencies and anxiety towards performance, appearance, etc.). Unfortunately, my subconscious also holds these expectations upon others. This trait really makes itself known when I am driving to and from work--I get so easily frustrated when people are not following the rules of the road, and/or are not being courteous to other drivers on the road. ʕ； •`ᴥ•´ʔ

ʕ•ﻌ•`ʔ Does anyone else struggle with having high expectations for other people? How do you cope and avoid being judgemental?

I had.

And had to let it go.
Not all at once; it goes through few phases.

My coping strategy was simply utter cynical apathy that not doing such as I had it mind meant harming themselves -- and I'll just let them be.


I used to think everyone can just get over themselves. Especially since I'm the one with the diagnosis -- and they didn't.

Then the expectations I had from my family.
It fed all the disappoinment that I had to go through.


And yes, letting it all go -- it does make one happier.

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I have the same situation.

Hope that others are polite, hope that leaders make fair decisions, and hope that everyone actively protects the weak.

I was in a group that didn't do that well, and now I'm in a group that's even worse.

That's the problem. We expect people to be supermodels or computer models.
Real people can be total flakes.

This is the new Turing Test for AI. You can say anything to an AI and it will behave rationally. With an actual human, however, at any time for any reason, or for no reason at all, they can extend to you a most cordial invitation to go fornicate yourself.

I think it’s normal to judge people to some extent. People who ignore the rules of the road are often putting people’s lives in danger so it’s hard not to view this negatively.

I think you’ve just got to balance the judgement out by recognising everyone is a 3 dimensional human being with a collection of traumas and problems, which hopefully allows seeing people’s mistakes with more compassion

High standards, low expectations.

To avoid being judgmental, you have to give other people a break. They're doing their thing, and you're doing your thing, and what they do is not going to be the same as what you would do. This is true of virtually everyone. Sometimes they will do things that are objectively bad or wrong, but most of the time that isn't our business or our problem to fix. Just let it go.

It might also be helpful to turn this attitude towards yourself, since being a demanding perfectionist is not a nice thing to do to yourself in the same way that it's not a nice thing to expect of other people.

Personally, my challenge is to give perfectionists a break and to try not to be too annoyed with them, since I consider it a bad feature. I try not to see it negatively and to accept that that's how they are.

Thank you all for your responses!

What I've gathered from this thread is that it's important to let go. This is something I struggle with, but want to incorporate into my mental health/life journey. On some topics, my partner has to remind me gently to "drop it." I will definitely be more conscious about dropping things, and making like a duck and letting things roll off my back. I think I need to be more humble in my daily life.

It's not nice to demand perfection of myself, or of others. We are all humans, and to be human is to be flawed. I can't control other people, but I CAN control myself and my reactions to others! I am remembering something I learned a while ago--have low expectations of others so it's harder to be disappointed--it is a nice surprise when people exceed the low expectations.

Edit: My partner and I often find ourselves chanting "Flexibility" to ourselves. I want to be less rigid and more flexible. Ugh!

Thanks again, everyone! ʕ•ᴥ•ʔﾉ♡