"you're always gonna be different to everyone else"

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Did anyone ever tell you this or has it come as a shock to you as you've got older

I'm only asking because I've only just realised this myself today and I'm a bit aggrieved because no one bothered to warn me about this

No one told me this, I had to figure it out for myself as a preteen.

I'm wondering if I've only just noticed it because I dissociate so much

I'm not even exaggerating when I tell you I'm pretty much devastated right now

I'm 51 years old

I wonder if you've noticed before but never really let it sink in.

You know how sometimes you can be aware of something briefly but immediately forget about it?

I came to realize this before I even knew what ASD was, back in high school. It's been tough for sure and even at 44 it still hurts at times.

Maybe it's related to the post I made about being self aware all of a sudden

This is hard but it might be a step forward

Stay positive babybird

I already accepted such statement long before I was told of and longer before I was diagnosed.

I even want to be.
It's a pride thing, for me to want to be an exception from certain rules for better or for worse...

Yes, I can admit of wanting the idea of being special. My ego is that big.
Thus I got very conflicting and paradoxical reaction upon realizing that I'm different, and upon getting a diagnosis...


I like being different. Being called different. Being perceived as different.

By different meaning above certain rules and standards. That I'm beyond the bubble of majority. Less limited. Freer than thou.

But being 'disabled' (in context of inferiority)? Dismiss-able? Being accused of being in 'my own bubble' and 'limited'? I refuse.
Even if it's something everyone deals with it and thus not liking being a human.

The inverse of that statement is what I 'need' to "learn" instead.

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If you've met one Autistic you've met one Autistic...but my response is...

For a long time I could not be diagnosed because Asperger's Syndrome was not added to the DSM until 1994, the year I turned 40.

By then I'd been muddling through life for quite some time and gotten some lucky breaks and while people thought I was "odd" (I think my Dad would've said "weird"), I was getting good at muddling. My social life was restricted but I was an Introvert (I have no idea which was cause and which was effect). Overall, I was doing OK.

I increasingly suspected (hoped?) I really was different from everyone else and that there might even be some medical support for my difference...though I had no clue what it might be. But, by that point I was just curious, I was old enough there was increasingly less need to know. When I was 58 I even persuaded my Primary Care physician to get me a genetic test (I was grasping for straws!) but it did not give me an explanation.

I certainly did not think I was Autistic. All I knew about Autism was what I'd picked up from Rain Man trailers and clips and that was nothing like me.

When I was 64 "Reality" finally dropped me a hint to at least learn about Autism. And I was diagnosed before I was 65.

I was ecstatic to finally know how I was different, even though the knowledge has very little practical value.

But it is nice to finally know I was right. Other people ("Allistics") are messed up.

I've been blocking it out

I'm sorry that you've come to a realization so suddenly that it has felt like a shock. I hope you're feeling more settled.

Is the "always" part of the thought that is such a shock? That maybe some corner of your mind thought that one day you would no longer be different? I have trouble with that, just the accepting of what is probably true, especially when I can't be 100% certain. But I think it helps, if you can do it.

Being married for fifteen years drove the point home.

My wife would make observations that were true.
I never stop learning. She pointed out that this is highly unusual.

I make decisions. It is easy for me to invest because of that. I've done very well financially.
Unfortunately she isn't around to share in that wealth, passing from a nasty disease a decade ago.
But, she was able to finish her bucket list before she passed.

Being a unicorn has its advantages.

Three months ago I had the seventy year old oil tank replaced. I just had the chimney repaired. Today I'm having the roof repaired! Since I plan to live here a couple more years I decided to fix it up before I sell it!
A lot of folks, including the couple next door, double management income, no kids, can't afford to do that.
I'm paying extra for a contractor with a reputation for doing high quality work.

That was the sort of realisation that led to me getting diagnosed.

As with others, Aspergers wasn't a diagnosis when I was a kid so I never knew what was wrong.
I just spent decades working as hard as I could at "being normal" - trying to behave like everyone else.

EVENTUALLY when I was in my late forties I FINALLY got the picture that there was a hard-wired difference and I was NEVER EVER going to reach that point of "being normal". For me it wasn't exactly a shock by that time - but it was still a hard pill to swallow.

And while I was quite happy to find out the nature of the problem was ASD, ultimately that didn't actually help me much - because there isn't really any help out there for us. Even when people believe the diagnosis, which they often don't. We just get left to try and deal with it however we can on our own.

Yes, talk about it with a psychologist or similar. That was the only thing that helped me, and even then it took time and is still something of a work in progress.