Can Narcissists Change?

Post Reply New Topic

Don't count on that. Run away. It's the only way for you to save yourself.
They may change with a lot of therapy but they never do. Meanwhile they would keep you swinging between false hopes and real disappointments

We can have whatever preferences we want when it comes to partners or friends. I just don’t think it’s fair to demonize people for something they can’t help. Obviously, I’m not excusing abusive behavior, but it seems like the stigma surrounding personality disorders makes it that much more difficult for people to admit that there’s a problem and to seek some form of treatment for it.

I'm being treated for NPD

I don't have a diagnosis of it in any official sense but my therapist and myself have discussed the fact that I have certain traits that meat the criteria

This has only arisen since I have been getting treatment for trauma

It's actually learned behaviour in my case but at least I'm accepting this and getting help

I can't say if it will ever be reversed but I can learn how to behave in a way that isn't destructive in the future

Everyone can change. Some people choose no-contact as a way of addressing issues with a relationship with a narcissist.
A relationship works best when both people work at the relationship. “Can X Change” is one question. “Can I Change X” is a different question.
If you and X are willing to really work on the relationship, change can happen. If only one of you is willing to work change you want or need may not happen.

Sorry, I misunderstood the question and I see every day the impact of manipulative behaviour. I did not mean to blame anyone. As you said, it's already plenty of self made gods that condemn narcissists as nothing could be worse

Narcissism is a response to trauma. I had my share of narcissistic behaviours too. I may still have them. When I realised the impact of them, I started reconsidering everything that I do
Unfortunately, I heard too many stories of people that claimed that they want to change but they never did. I see myself unable to change, so I cannot avoid to warn about manipulators because falling in the traps is easy.
I see how much pain is behind all the cluster B PDs. Real change is possible, but work must start from the trauma behind. A good therapist is key. I hope yours are better than mine

Severely wounded inner child under several programs and layers of whatever emotional callouses that made them less self aware, as needy, as worried, as self loathing as someone with chronic illness over their personal internal 'fragility' and 'immaturity'?

Yes. Very difficult but yes.
They can be in denial or not very sensitive or has little to no space past carrying and covering up the hurt but it can be undone.


Dead inner child who will trap you in some illusory world of theirs in their heads (false self) and only running on some primal drive with you and everyone around them as a prop with no guilt involved and no self reflection whatsoever?

No. They're past the event horizon.
They're not simply in denial, they're flat out tore their inner senses blind and whatever that was left is whatever program anyone can mistaken as any 'self' and a husk of a person.


Change itself in most humans are difficult by itself. Let alone something so layered.

Doubt or no doubt is irrelevant.

But who can tell the difference??
How does one tell the difference?

People cannot even tell the difference between their troubles with double empathy in autistics with developmental incongruence and trauma from flat out malignant narcissism and psychopathy.



And personally, I have little to no faith of any people changing, personality disorder or not.

Catalysts of one's change are hard to come by, even harder to keep and maintain when it's not tangible or consequential with no sentiment or urgency induced stress, and doubly without said catalyst existing other than just a thought or a mere promise.

Let alone carry all of that said catalysts (especially negative types) instead of just 'coping' and doing anything but getting past one's own habits and beliefs whether to do with self or other...
Or if it's positive, stewing in envy or daydreaming with nothing to show up for.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

It's probably the hardest thing for a narcissist when they realise what they are and how they have probably wrecked the lives of people who they have come into contact with in their lives and actually that they are themselves the problem

Everyone is a work in progress but for a narcissist who wants to change that work is probably a million times harder, just because of the nature of the disorder

It's hard not to feed that delusion of grandeur

My shrink and myself have both agreed that as long as I don't cross that line into causing people harm and I'm mindful of this then that is some progress

People can mistook my issues over my unwanted emotionality (the dysregulation and stupid sensitivity) for 'narcissism'.


I can admit selfishness, pride, egocentrism and how big of an ego I have.
Even my own brand of rigidity and exclusivity.

Unless unwillfully acting emotionally like a chronically ill patient (unable to ignore and change reactions over internal sensations and everything to do with emotional lability) or overall being sick of herself while willfully being asocial is actually considered as 'narcissistic' -- I refuse.


Because, well, I don't know the less unhealthy I get, and more moments I get a break from my whining body with hormonal fluctuations, the chatterbox of a mind and whatever emotional hung ups my 5 year old self had, the less 'narcissistic' I am and more space to serve others.

Mistaking the improvement as if I'm actually doing inner work and maturity related to it. Wrong. My inner work is simply to get rid of the emotional lability and whatever emotional encumbering -- the behaviors matches what I want, not theirs.

No, it just means I'm getting healthier but they refuse to acknowledge that; they'd rather have me ill with a cheery attitude that they like which is fricking impossible for me.

Does that say something about those who deals with actual illnesses (whichever it is) and not wanting to do with said illness, somehow?



Unless, well, for the actually narcissists who happened to be the lazy types who don't ever want work with people working for them -- which is practically a golden ticket for them.

Even harder to change types since they are lazy though, and would throw away any catalysts for change in favor of whatever familiar comfort and attention...
Unless they're motivated on some sort of miracle story about themselves.
Yes, they can be swayed.

Even non-narcissistic parasites are harder to change even when they're forced to work.

Because sudden livelihood and lifestyle changes can be traumatic in some cases; especially when one's identity is built around it. (The baby, the breadwinner, etc.)
But I'm not sure if narcissists have an easier or a way harder time transitioning between those possible identities...

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

I hope so, depends on how far gone they are. I believe I'm heavily narcissistic from alot of emotional abuse from my cousin who's basically a sociopath and had me fooled and manipulated for years, on top of other instances where I've
been manipulated by dark triad people. I think with self awareness they can change, but if they refuse to look at themselves or never accept it, it'll never happen and just fester. I try really hard to watch my behavior, because I think I know most of the signs now and things I used to do to "steal people's energy." It's really about learning to stop being an energy vampire; stop being around negative ppl, stop watching negative things like the news, learn boundaries, accept "no", dont talk trash or start drama behind people's backs and avoid anything that triggers you to relive any of your traumas.

I'd say in general keep avoiding narcissists and/or other dark triad ppl if you can, but Im pretty sure people can and have changed for the better... it just takes work

Anyone can change, but are they willing to do it?