I'm blue and down on myself....

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Hello, this is a rant and negative self pity - we wary of my writing as I don't have any filter for darkness.....

I'll make this short since I'm working on 1) not trauma dumping and 2) not being so redundant and long winded....

I don't post regularly. I have high functioning autism. I am functioning well enough for the NT world but I don't pass enough not to be the target of NT hostility. As per most of us, I have problems with feeling adequate enough to be in the world. I find myself always in arguments and I put my "best foot forward" and I'm still always shocked when I'm told I don't listen or I don't etc.....

This might be more of a rent, but I'm tired of this half wolf- half dog Balto sort of life. I'm always waiting for my "time in the sun" to come but it never does. I'm not Balto leading a dog-sled team full of medicine back to ill stricken Nome Alaska. I am still a disappointment to the NTs. Worst is my spouse doesn't really understand how differently I see and respond to the world. I've never wanted to call myself the R word so much than I do now. I could use some encourgement. I feel so unseen and unheard.

I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way. It's hard to have a foot in both camps: the NT world and the ND world. I think I understand how you feel, though for me it's not quite the same. Hang in there.

I know the "Be a good dog" sort of feeling. One must be "Seen and not heard", but if one leaves out of boredom, one gets told off!

I feel for you.

Feel free to vent. I might be able to relate in some ways. Everybody deserves to feel loved and happiness.
How can I help?

_________________
Love is all ♪

sea_goat_802:

I know what it's like to not feel adequate for this world. I've made tons of avoidable mistakes due to this idea. But I've realized something. Say it: You're not adequate for this world. Then accept and embrace it as a positive thing because this world truly sucks. Hence the name of this site, we're on the wrong planet and it's ok. The older I get, the less I care about being adequate in the worlds eyes. The world is massive gate that leads to failure. Taking the narrow path (with difficult obstacles) will eventually lead to a peaceful life.