I hate PTSD.
I'm having horrible trouble with PTSD, and I'm not sure if I can take this crap much longer. I'm 38 years old and going to college, but I'm off for the summer, and I live in a rural area, so it's hard to get transportation. Ideally, this would be the perfect time to focus on my special interest, but unfortunately my special interest right now is autism, probably because I've just had the assessment. What really sucks, though, is that a lot of times, what is getting stuck in my head that I can't get out is my past trauma, but only the trauma related to autism. I can redirect it sometimes, especially if I can hyperfocus on something I love, but then it keeps going back to the topic of autism or to the freaking trauma. Also, if I hear one more person who knows crap all about psychology and mental health tell me to let it go, I'm going to scream. This is so frustrating. This is not the first time I've been stuck on trauma, but this is the first time that my special interest has not been a source of joy for me. I'm feeling violated by my brain because this PTSD is corrupting my autistic trait of having special interests, which has always irritated people around me, but has always made me happy, and has turned it into something dark and ugly. I would give anything to be perseverating on music theory or teddy bears again, but it's just all about autism and trauma related to autism.
That sounds really frustrating.
I hate having PTSD too. I tend to have rough patches with it that come and go. Sometimes it’s triggered by something. Other times, a memory just comes up that I need to process or work through. Journaling has helped with that. Of course, I tend to get caught up in negative thought patterns that I’ve dealt with ad nauseam in the past. When that happens, I’ve been trying to distract myself with something else, but I’m not always successful. Once my rough patch recedes, I can engage with more enjoyable interests again, so knowing that it will pass helps sometimes. Counseling has helped some folks with PTSD here.
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“I think Jesus was a compassionate, super-intelligent gay man who understood human problems.”
— Elton John
Sweetleaf
Veteran
Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 34,911
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
I too hate PTSD, and for sure it's not something you can just 'let go of' otherwise it wouldn't be called post traumatic stress disorder, which literally means a disorder that doesn't allow you to 'let it go'. So yeah, it is frustrating when people think it's so simple.
I feel like I am managing mine better now than I was in my 20's but it's still hard and I have bad moments with it still and I know there isn't a cure for PTSD. It's good you're seeing a counselor though since therapy for sure can help.
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We won't go back.
I also find it frustrating when people say to “let it go” or “don’t let it bother you” type of stuff as though it’s merely a question of willpower. I just think that there’s still a major lack of understanding surrounding mental health issues.
I’m sorry to hear that you’re struggling. I hope that your PTSD eases up and that you can enjoy some of your break.
_________________
“I think Jesus was a compassionate, super-intelligent gay man who understood human problems.”
— Elton John
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