What's going on with me here ?

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There are times when I'll have negative thoughts and worries running around in my head about issues I've brought up in threads before and I'm finding it hard to go about the day when I'm off work doing other things to preoccupy myself. I keep telling myself to have alternate days where I stay at home and have another day where I am out somewhere but nearly always on my days off I end up indoors.

I also don't look forward to people coming home work and prepare dinner as I won't always do it. I hate it when Chris, my mum's partner runs around getting changed and runs about getting dinner ready and keep thinking he thinks I'm "lazy" because I'm not always helping with it and looks as though he's in a mood when he's just had a busy day at work and worried he looks at me sat on my Chromebook doing "sod all" when I am not, as I'm using it for projects and things and then I end up feeling bad about it as though he's fed up with me because to him I'm doing "nothing" and think he's fed up with me. I won't always ask if he needs any help because there are times when I haven't spoken to him for ages and mum is the one I speak to more than him.

They have explained time and again that it is frustrating for them because I won't help myself and think I just look for things to moan and worry about or that I "like" it when I don't "enjoy" being worried about things. I even seem to feel as though people expect me to come out of therapy a different person in the same way that a drug addict goes to rehabilitation centre and comes out a different person and explain that I've been going for a year and things don't seem to have changed and we have the same conversations at home.

I would want to help with cooking but I always find it intimidating because recipes are different and ways of making it is different compared to other things I can do. I can cut fruit and vegetables, toast things, make tea and coffee, make sandwiches etc.

I'm sorry that you're feeling this way and that things are difficult for you.

When something is hard and causes anxiety it's not due to "laziness" since that feeling of being anxious is much worse than enjoying leisure time would be, which is what the purpose of laziness would be. You are not lazy if not doing the things that people seem to be expecting of you is causing you anguish. It's something else: fear, avoidance, not knowing what to do or how to do it.

this might be a good thing to ask your therapist. I wonder if learning self assertive communication skills can help with better understanding between members of your household? Would they be interested in going to family therapy with you? If not, you can learn on your own. It is so difficult to figure out what somebody else wants you to do if they only give hints or say things like "you ought to know". would it help to have scheduled routines or chores, specific agreements or responsibility assigned to each of you, about things that have become upset situations?
There seems to be a lot going on, too much for sorting out on the internet, but one thing I have learned is that if the same old thing keeps happening when you respond the same old way, its time to try something else. Hope you all are able to work through this together.

I find cooking very stressful. My wife and I don't cook together. Cooking taxes my executive functioning, I need to keep many things in mind, keep track of time, of ingredients, of several things cooking at once, setting the table, getting serving utensils. I finally realized that I had to banish my wife from the kitchen when it is my turn to cook. She was offended at first, but it made a bad situation worse when she tried to "help". I also will sometimes have an extra iced tea before I start to cook.

When people say "you" they often are thinking "me". Conflict happens when someone's needs are not being met. If you my wife says "you always" or "you never" what I need to think about is how my behavior is affecting her and her needs. People have to balance their own needs with the needs of others. It is a challenge. Saying "when I see x i feel y" or "when you say x I think y and I feel z" is a way to express your point of view without getting into a negative downward spiral. Sometimes I have to rethink what I can do. I really don't notice the things like the trash filling up, or being smelly. But I don't mind taking it out if I see it sitting by the front door. So when my wife wants things to go out she now puts them by the front door, and we have fewer arguments about this sort of thing. Things I know are extra smelly (to her) like banana peals, or a chicken carcass I will take it directly to the outside trash.

I guess the trick is to let people know that you care about their needs and make changes that you can, and explain things that cannot change about your self. Everyone has things that cannot change, or are just very hard to change. Everyone has things that can change or are easier to change. Finding the connection between these things and the people I share space with and recognize that it is not so much about me but about their needs and wants helps me.