Is it "your fault" if you're 30+ and haven't found the One?

Page 1 of 3 [ 46 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next

chris1989
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 2 Aug 2018
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,186
Location: Kent, UK

01 Aug 2024, 3:37 pm

I came across a video done by Dr Drew where he had a lady on called Tracey McMillan on who wrote a book called "Why You're Not Married...Yet?" and explained that for women, if they are 30 and still haven't found "Mr Right" it's not it's their fault it's "your fault" because in her words in the book, you are maybe "crazy", "selfish" etc. She did however say that "I'm not actually saying it's your fault, I'm saying it's your responsibility."

It does surprise and even kind of annoy me when there are some people out there who have even brutally honest opinions when it comes to certain types of issues and say things about other people they don't know who maybe do struggle through perhaps no fault of their own to find the person for them in their lives.



funeralxempire
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Oct 2014
Age: 39
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 28,540
Location: Right over your left shoulder

01 Aug 2024, 6:49 pm

The pseudo-expert gets eyeballs by having other pseudo-experts on to say controversial s**t.

It's basically clickbait, you can ignore it.


_________________
“Anyone who wants to thwart the establishment of a Palestinian state has to support bolstering Hamas and transferring money to Hamas, this is part of our strategy” —Netanyahu
"Many of us like to ask ourselves, What would I do if I was alive during slavery? Or the Jim Crow South? Or apartheid? What would I do if my country was committing genocide?' The answer is, you're doing it. Right now." —Former U.S. Airman (Air Force) Aaron Bushnell


CockneyRebel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 49
Gender: Male
Posts: 116,683
Location: In my little Olympic World of peace and love

01 Aug 2024, 11:21 pm

I don't see how that could be. That's just an urban legend that's made up by allistic people.


_________________
The Family Enigma


The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,030
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

02 Aug 2024, 2:57 am

I wouldn't call it fault, but it is certainly an indication that there's something unforunate in Darwinist sense.



Tim_Tex
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Jul 2004
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 45,865
Location: Houston, Texas

02 Aug 2024, 3:05 am

No


_________________
Who’s better at math than a robot? They’re made of math!

Now proficient in ChatGPT!


crisv
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

Joined: 21 Jun 2024
Age: 54
Gender: Male
Posts: 38
Location: Sheffield

02 Aug 2024, 9:45 am

Being married and having found The One are not the same thing.
I’m married to the wrong one, that is much worse than being alone. Finding the right person is hard. Often, you don’t find them in your whole life. Don’t feel pressured by social norms that have been set centuries ago by ND people.



ChicagoLiz
Raven
Raven

Joined: 18 Oct 2023
Age: 63
Gender: Female
Posts: 111
Location: Chicago

02 Aug 2024, 11:11 am

I would say that your perception that they're sounding off without any actual knowledge is spot-on. Dr Drew has made a lot of money doing that, and probably this Tracey McMillan as well. Marry if and when you find the right person for you, and they feel the same about you.


_________________
When the sun rises, look for silent fading stars.


rse92
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 14 Oct 2021
Age: 64
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,194
Location: Buffalo, NY

02 Aug 2024, 12:18 pm

How is it not your fault?

If you are a man, any number of these things can be an issue:

You are unattractive, physically, to women.

You have an unattractive personality.

You are incapable of communicating intimately with women.

You cannot maintain a relationship with woman.

You expect women to read your mind and understand your desire for them.

You make no attempt to socialize among women.

You do not try to improve yourself.



nick007
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,593
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic police state called USA

02 Aug 2024, 12:54 pm

I think it's your fault if your holding out for the exact right person & rejecting others for not being the one. The idea of a sole one is a myth. There is no such thing as a perfect person & all romantic relationships require some effort. Rejecting or dumping others who treat you nice because they don't finish your sentences or don't make you feel butterflies is stupid.

It may not be your fault if you have reasonable standards & criteria but have a hard time meeting others or others aren't interested in you.


_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
~King Of The Hill


"Hear all, trust nothing"
~Ferengi Rule Of Acquisition #190
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition


Last edited by nick007 on 02 Aug 2024, 1:26 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Pink Zeppelin
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 28 Jul 2024
Gender: Male
Posts: 32
Location: Pluto the 9th Planet

02 Aug 2024, 1:10 pm

How can you even define "The One"?



Carbonhalo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Nov 2007
Age: 63
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,459
Location: Musoria

02 Aug 2024, 4:14 pm

Of course it's your fault.

It is the result of either insufficient prayers and sacrifices to Eros, or insufficient money paid to dating sites.

For $50 I can improve your match rate :D



chris1989
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 2 Aug 2018
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,186
Location: Kent, UK

02 Aug 2024, 6:03 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I wouldn't call it fault, but it is certainly an indication that there's something unforunate in Darwinist sense.


Why's that ?



CockneyRebel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 49
Gender: Male
Posts: 116,683
Location: In my little Olympic World of peace and love

02 Aug 2024, 8:33 pm

If you pot in the work, you get the results.


_________________
The Family Enigma


Graves Knight
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2024
Gender: Male
Posts: 117
Location: Savannah Georgia

02 Aug 2024, 9:21 pm

rse92 wrote:
How is it not your fault?

If you are a man, any number of these things can be an issue:

You are unattractive, physically, to women.

You have an unattractive personality.

You are incapable of communicating intimately with women.

You cannot maintain a relationship with woman.

You expect women to read your mind and understand your desire for them.

You make no attempt to socialize among women.

You do not try to improve yourself.



I agree with this. Some of theses things listed are beyond our control, some of these things are. Maximizing everything you can is the first step. Once you've done all you could, waiting for acceptance from a suitable woman is obviously the difficult part. If you can achieve this, it's something to treasure and is worth more than gold.


_________________
Graves Kingdom Come


Graves Knight
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2024
Gender: Male
Posts: 117
Location: Savannah Georgia

02 Aug 2024, 9:35 pm

Pink Zeppelin wrote:
How can you even define "The One"?


I don't think there's such a thing. I personally think that love is built; not found. The finding part is someone willing to build with you and stay by your side. Most people (not everyone) will immediately envision themselves with whoever based on looks first. That's just human nature unfortunately. However personality and sharing the same values is the base of the relationship foundation.


_________________
Graves Kingdom Come


Last edited by Graves Knight on 03 Aug 2024, 2:14 am, edited 1 time in total.

Graves Knight
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2024
Gender: Male
Posts: 117
Location: Savannah Georgia

02 Aug 2024, 9:43 pm

nick007 wrote:
I think it's your fault if your holding out for the exact right person & rejecting others for not being the one. The idea of a sole one is a myth. There is no such thing as a perfect person & all romantic relationships require some effort. Rejecting or dumping others who treat you nice because they don't finish your sentences or don't make you feel butterflies is stupid.

It may not be your fault if you have reasonable standards & criteria but have a hard time meeting others or others aren't interested in you.


Nothing but facts here.


_________________
Graves Kingdom Come