Always out of step as a child

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When I was a child, I always seemed to be out of step with everyone around me. Everyone seemed to know what was going on and what to do and what was expected of them, whereas I was always guessing and playing catch up. With sports, for instance, I didn't really understand why I was supposed to go after the ball or try to score a point. It seemed like an odd thing to do. And I also didn't understand how to do it. It was always out of reach for me. Was your childhood like this?

Yes. I was always spaced out (trapped in my head) and had no idea what was going on around me. I was transfixed by minutiae like watching the specks of dust in the sunlight, looking at my skin cells (the little lines on the top of my hands), or hyperfocusing on sensory stimuli. If I thought anything "big", it was extraordinarily big. For example I spent hundreds of anxious hours wondering how time began, what happened before time started, how the universe ended physically (was there a brick wall?), or other abstract concerns like: If I grew up and got married but my husband died in the house what was I supposed to do with his body? Oh, I also had a dream world wherein I was married to Elton John. I divorced him before he could die, though.

Needless to say, I had no clue how to play anything in teams. I didn't know how to relate to the world in real time, and I didn't know the rules of any sport besides running or swimming. I was even afraid of board games where kids paired up because I didn't remember how to play and my partner would always be disappointed. I still don't even know how to play Checkers, or any simple card game like Crazy 8's, for that reason. I was especially terrified of Candy Land and "The Game of Life" because they looked easy enough but I had no clue how to play because I couldn't focus, and I didn't want to look stupid by having to read the rules. This is likely why I ended up loving books so much. They're a socially acceptable way to be reclusive and seem busy.

Yes, to the point where when I was 11 I thought up an elaborate conspiracy theory because I was so convinced everyone else knew things I didn't.