The disquieting otherness of other people

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I'm pretty good at making conversation that appears to be ordinary and pleasant, so I don't think people would guess that I feel so unsettled and uneasy when I am talking to them, but I feel like a deer in headlights or like I am crossing through a heavily trafficked street and a truck is heading for me. It's hard to describe. Other people make me uncomfortable, just because they are other people. I don't know what they think or want, and I am frantically guessing and trying to appear normal. Needless to say, this doesn't make for easy or very pleasurable conversation, even though I crave connection.

Whenever I see people interacting on TV or in real life I am amazed that they are not terrified. Or maybe they are? But I don't think so. Whereas I am out on a limb at all times and scared. Anyone else?

I don't understand what's terrifying. The worst you can do is embarrass yourself and personally I'm pretty used to that by now.

I’m very anxious when I’m interacting with other people. Sometimes I want connection/to form friendships, but I really struggle with letting people in. I have an easier time with more one-sided conversations in which the other person talks and I listen and ask the occasional question. It’s much less of a problem online where I overshare sometimes although I go through timid spells online, too.

It's just a feeling of being unsettled and anxious, it's not an actual worry that something in particular will happen, but it can be very intense.

My roommate is like that. He's got anxiety. Also, would not be surprised if he were to be dx'd with autism. Lol.

As to the original question...I don't really stress my interactions with others. I think I'm a little too in my own head for that. But I was saying the other day that I don't think I have ever felt alone in my life, that the closest I have come to feeling alone has been in the company of others. That's when I am aware of how 'other' I am. I am the disquieting force with people. They know it and I do to. It doesn't much get me down. I mean, if I'm in a bad place it will, but for the most part, I'm fine with not being like everyone else and I know I won't blend in and can't be bothered to try. People will take me as I am or not. Either way is fine with me. I tend to wear my weird on my sleeve and those who can hang might stick around and those who will not...well, I just saved us some time and they can get to getting on. Lol. Easy for me to say though, it's not as though I need to mingle or network for a job or school or anything...my interactions are purely social at this point in life and my social battery is pretty much always near zero anyway.

I just mean it's not a feeling I can relate to anymore, time and experience have largely desensitized me to those feelings because they were never legitimate to begin with, they were only ever just in my head.