I have serious problems...anyone else going through this?

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I'm 19 years old, and I live with my parents. Pitiful, I know.

Though I'm 19, I'm told I sometimes have the mind of a 5-year-old. I'm normally quite competent in the world, if I do say so myself. I'm a full time college student, I write fiction and nonfiction, I draw, I take jujitsu, I program computers. When faced with something I don't like to hear, however, everything changes. I go from my usual kind, polite, agreeable self to a horrible monster. I totally forget everything I care about and lash out at whoever's telling me the bad news, usually my mother or my stepfather. I usually hit things such as walls, furniture and mirrors, sometimes breaking them, and I yell, scream and relentlessly antagonize the other person.

A few times I threaten him or her physically, and even less frequently I've physically attacked them. I've had the police called on me several times before, just for them to talk to me about proper behavior. I'm just not getting it! This cycle, I'm afraid, will continue until I'm in jail, and since I live in a stupid conservative little town, the cops are liable to be intolerant and eager to "bag a big one," because of their xenophobia regarding autistic people like me.

I have a deathly fear of responsibility. I think this is because I'm easily overstimulated by demands. I value freedom, and I'm deeply terrified of rules, regulations, toil and drudgery ruling my life. When my mom tells me I have to do something, or if she tels me something bad has happened, I revert to the brain of a five-year-old and believe vehemently that SHE's the one inflicting the bad news on me, and that SHE enjoys the things I hate.

If this cycle continues, I'll end up either in jail or a group home, and the only group homes around here are for either sexual offenders or people with Downs Syndrome: neither are anywhere close to who I am.

I can relate in some ways actually. Im 19 too and still living with my parents. There have been times where my emotions exploded and I lashed out on the nearest wall or object, but it didnt happen too often because I was a master at "bottling it in". Nowadays I try to level out my emotions and reactions so these things wont happen. It works great.

Thanks for the support. Wow, what a kind forum. My past experiences with forums have been terrible. If I had posted a topic like this one in another forum, people might say "wow, somebody's got issues" or "stfu you little emo attention wh*re, nobody wants to hear you b*tching about your pathetic little life." That seems to be the norm for internet forum goers.

Either that, or the types of support we have here in our little town are all Christian-related, with people telling me I "need to accept Jesus as my savior" and then, magically, all my troubles will go away. Well it just doesn't work that way.

Thanks for your kind words.

Its only xian related if you associate with the wrong people.

Who told you you HAD to leave at 19? Gee, I stayed longer than that. TODAY, I don't even live in the same STATE.

As for the rest of your actions? They aren't THAT unusual for autistics or Aspies.

Be quite careful. If the town that you live in is full of Chistians who think that all you need is their god then they are quite obviously ignorant. Is there any way that you could move out on your own? Can you support yourself via earned income?

Although responsibility can suck, the option of being irresponsible, ( Jail, or the group homes as you have mentioned) seems to far outweigh the alternative of being responsible.

Forest, how much of that bad news is like the following? The person either says that something happened and you should listen to them, or should have listened to them. Or, if you had or hadn't done such and such, things would be better, people would be happier, your family would not be embarrassed. Or is the stuff just needlessly negative and destructive? These are among the things that set me off, and the general theme that sets me off the most often is people using destructive measures against things that are none of their business and are no threat to anyone, or things that should not even offend anyone. An example is the kid who got in huge trouble for "drawing" a gun on a sheet of paper. There are also people who simply want to make others feel trapped, walled in, and people who ride others while the others are already doing something that you would think that the riders wanted or approved of.

I was sick and tired of being treated like a kid when I was 19, and I'm over 40 now and I still feel that I am right about that. If the treatment that a "kid" receives is something to get sick of, there is something wrong with that treatment. My mother used to do things just to dominate and humiliate me when there was no point to doing so. It could be just some little thing to shatter my nerves.

you know what to do? get a big stereo and crank it up and blast some HEAVY METAL to relieve your anger. that will make your parents leave you alone too!! !

Seriously forest, if thats all you're going through at the moment you're in good shape. Not all autistics are the same, but many have very little control over emotions. I have my own theory as to why, being that we dont show emotion enough(especially growing up) to control it. We never grew up understanding how our emotions affect our mental state and actions. It has a lot to do with our diminished social skills/awareness. Its not that we dont know whats going on around us, its that when a powerful emotion overcomes us, we lose control(in a sense) of what we're doing. The only thing that matters at that moment is that someone understands we've been pushed to our limit, no matter what it takes.

I too have an "anger problem" some would say, But I disagree. My problem is not with anger, its not that Im bipolar or something. I have a problem with ALL MAJOR EMOTIONS. Its that YOU(being the person who started this whole incident) decided not to listen to me. You've decided that my opinion, my feelings, my sense of well being, my security, mean nothing. And once one of those happens, I no longer have the will or strength to continue being rational. I no longer have the ability to appear "normal". I no longer care what you think. Now you get to see what happens when I dont matter. I have no other option, but to lose control. At that point I no longer have a concionce(however its spelled). There is no, I might go to jail or the assylum. There is no I might hurt myself. All responsibility is on you for not realizing and understanding that I Have little control in the first place over my emotions and you've let them get involved.

Is this a good thing, no. Am I afraid of it, hell yea. But I am who I am and that's all I'll ever be. I know in my heart I am a good person in general. It is only when I have no other option, when nothing I've tried to get you to understand has worked. Its like a switch in my head flips from normal to overdrive. Im no longer in the driver seat, its either rage or sorrow. Depending on which has taken over is what Im gonna do. If Its rage, I'll punch something repeatedly not feeling a damn thing. If its sorrow I'll cry non stop for hours. I dont get manic. Nothing makes me feel like Im invincible or unstoppable, on cloud nine(including drugs). Nothing makes me feel like Im the happiest person alive.

So, Just know there are MANY people who are dealing with what you're dealing with. Half dont even know it yet. I didnt have a clue I was autistic until I was in the military at the age 21 being told I had 6 different personality disorders(thats unreasonable). I dont have a personality disorder, I have a nuerological disorder. I didnt choose to be this person, I was born this way. I didnt decide one day I wanted to be a little antisocial, or I wanted little control of my emotions. I never decided to be this way, It's just who I am.

Hi Forestknight25N , maybe we have some problems in common.

I'm 20 years old (I'll be 21 in october 19th), and I'm living with my parents too. I'm a college student, I like drawing, videogames, robotics, and I wanna take kendo but I can't because my parents think it's something stupid and violent.

My parents says I'm immature, and I'm fed up of my dad telling me "You are worst than a Downs Syndrome kid", he says this everytime I do something he doesn't agree. I know I have a childlike mind, but that doesn't give him the right for telling me mean things. I have had argues and fights with him, an althought he has hit me I have never hit him back. I know all that powerlessness and frustration will make I lose my patience and someday my self-control won't stop me.

I haven't had problems with the police (because my family life is something private, and no one knows the reality)but I know I'll end up either in jail or in a mental institute.

I was in the same situation, when I was nineteen. I've had quite the temper, due to the treatment that I've recieved, but I was careful not to destroy things. That's how my life as a "Cockney Rebel" started. My wearing of the Union Jack, thirteen years ago, was only the beginning of it. Now It's to the point where I'm a Punker without the piercings or the strange make-up. (I don't like make-up and I don't want any holes in my head.) My dad had it in his head that I was "slow", and I didn't feel that way, at all. I'd keep on telling myself that his low opinion about me was due to that one #2 accident that I've had, at the age of four, and how he scorned at me, to never, ever do that again. I was actually wanting to commit Suicide, over that, between the ages of five and twenty three. I was blaming everything on that one incident. I was also blaming my low position in life on another dirty episode that I've had, the Halloween Night that I've just turned six, the day before. My mum was screaming at me for having a "Sewer Special", and I've kept telling myself that I would have never been in Special Education my whole life, if I didn't have that accident, that night, and my favourite song was, 'I'm a Loser' by The Beatles, from that moment that I was getting yelled at for having my second last childhood accident, until I've almost ended up in a Mental Hospital, at the age of twenty three. My temper was so bad, that I was bushing tables away from me, at the factory that I was working at. I've had it in my mind that my parents didn't want me looking for another job, because they thought that I was too "slow" to do so, due to the "Sewer Specials" and me being a "SPED". I'm amazed to this day, that I wasn't put in the Mental Ward.

Sid

I'm 25 and still live at home with my parents!
Age is nothing but a number. Don't compare yourself with others as it will only frustrate you.
Not everyone is an instant success the second they become 18, many people take longer to adapt to the world outside their parents house and there's absolutely no shame in that.
Be proud of the things you've achieved so far in your life, not upset at what you haven't.

There's absolutely nothing unusual about still living at home at 19 while attending college. With that being said, do you think it would help if you were to move out on your own? Since, I don't know the details of what your parents do that set you off, I can only guess that you might be happier if you could make your own routine, rules, and have your own personal space. I couldn't stand living with my parents. I love them, but I need my own space. The last time that I had to move in with my parents my mother chided me about how unappreciative, moody, and ungrateful that I was. The thing is, is that I'm only that way under certain very stressful circumstances. I don't think other people realize how minute, little things can really make us miserable.