Adventures In Preaching

Post Reply New Topic

In case you might be wondering what preaching is like, especially for people on the spectrum with social anxiety, I thought I might provide a true account (or possibly accounts) from my own personal experience. It could be something to read in a waiting room before getting called back for a routine colonoscopy. That sort of thing.

The names may have been changed.

Rewind 20ish years.

I am unfortunate enough to be out preaching door-to-door with Sister Judgy. I call her that because in-between doors she likes to make negative remarks about most of the people we meet - like about the family with *gasp* two mommies, the man who owns an expensive car (shocking, I know), or even a fellow JW sister who no longer goes to church. According to Sister Judgy, the woman isn't really struggling with depression. (She is.) The real problem is that she "doesn't truly appreciate Kingdom Truths."

It could be worse. I could find myself in the ministry with that stalker Brother Onan (B.O.) yet again. When he's out, he ALWAYS puts me in his car group and makes me go to the doors with him even if it means spending an entire morning working a walking territory…just the two of us. If you can’t get someone to court your sorry ass, you can always use your authority to make it happen. (“Brothers” are in charge of deciding which people will work together. A penis is necessary for something as complex as that. When a penis is unavailable, we make do somehow, perhaps with the help of God's penis. ) I wish there was another single woman in our church. Or maybe not. B.O. should probably stay single.

ANYWAY, on this occasion, Sister Judgy and I are walking to a door. It's my turn to talk. Although I do this every single week, I'm so anxious I'm having trouble catching my breath. Sister Judgy is chewing gum with her mouth open reminding me vaguely of a cow or a camel. I can’t decide which. Smack, smack, smack. Now I'm anxious AND irritated. Focus. What's my presentation about again? Oh yeah! Something about peace. I could go for some peace right about now.

We’re at the door. I knock very lightly, praying silently: "Jehovah God please let no one answer the door this time. I won't doubt your existence ever again, and I'll try so much harder. Thanks for...puppies. They are SO cute..." Maybe a healthy dose of flattery will put God in a prayer-answering sort of mood.

Sister Judgy interrupts my fervent prayer with: "They probably didn't hear that!" and proceeds to give the door a vigorous rap with her knuckles. I decide then and there that I like that sound even less than the smacking of chewing gum.

I continue my prayer until the door slowly opens.

God Damnit.

Like any self-respecting cult member, I hasten to put on the obligatory fake smile. I'm one of "God's Happy People" after all.

I stammer: "H-hello, how are you? It's a beautiful day, isn't it?" Geez, that was a stupid thing to say since it looks like it might rain at any moment.

Strangely, the person at the door smiles and says: "Yes, it's very nice."

Huh, maybe God had this person answer the door for a reason.

I proceed with the Watchtower’s scripted presentation for the month: "My name is Twilight and this is my friend (as if ) Judgy. We've been talking with your neighbors about peace. With all the stuff that's going on in the world today, many people wonder if we will ever have peace. What do you think?"

The householder blinks.

I've since come to the conclusion that not everyone is ready for impromptu discussions about world peace at 9:00 in the morning.

After a brief pause, he says: "I don't know."

This is going SO much better than usual. The door hasn't been slammed in my face yet, no one has yelled, dogs haven't been released, and books haven't been hurled in my general direction. Woot! I'm still on the verge of panic, but this is a vast improvement over the last time I found myself unfortunate enough to be preaching to someone on their doorstep. The householder is even fully-clothed!

"Notice what it says here in the Bible about peace at Psalms 37:10 and 11." s**t. I forgot to bookmark the scripture. Normally, I can find Psalms 37 in 5 seconds flat but not when my hands are shaking on account of being panicky. After 20 agonizing seconds of fumbling, I happen upon the scripture. I read the following aloud from the JW translation of the Bible: "[J]ust a little while longer, and the wicked one will be no more; and you will certainly give attention to his place, and he will not be. But the meek ones themselves will possess the earth, and they will indeed find their exquisite delight in the abundance of peace."

"That sounds very nice, doesn't it?" I ask.

"It certainly does," the man responds with a smile.

"Our current issue of the Watchtower talks more about peace and the hope that we have of God fulfilling his promises in the near future. You can have your own copy free of charge along with the Awake," I manage to say with much less incoherent stammering than usual.

He answers politely, "No. No, thank you. We're atheists."

Crestfallen but relieved that my turn is over, I respond: "Okay, have a nice day."

On the way back to the car, Sister Judgy scolds me for not trying to overcome the "conversation stopper." Without openly disagreeing with her, I ponder: "How would I ‘reason’ with an atheist?” Being entirely self-taught from 6th grade on up as a homeschooler and having never been allowed to study stuff that conflicts with JW beliefs, I know little about evolution, science in general, or philosophy. Somehow, I don't think that talking about pretty flowers, Bible scriptures, or something about a watchmaker would cut it.

"You should've said..."

I tune her out and start thinking about what I'm going to do when I get home in the afternoon. I can't wait to change into PJs, eat something comforting, and play another run-through of one of my favorite video games - Majora's Mask. Just three more hours to go...

Smack, smack, smack.

“A cow,” I conclude. “Definitely a cow.”

The guy sounds kind of hot with his intelligence, clothing, and wry smile.

Do homeowners ever woo the meek visitors?
(What are you called? A visitor? A preacher? A light-knocker? A muse?)

How's Cow Woman today? Has she been chosen for Paradise with her cud?

Not that often. I mostly experienced that sort of thing from fellow JWs although I was made uncomfortable by guys at the door on a couple occasions that I can remember.
It depends on who you ask. According to JWs, I was a preacher, Kingdom evangelizer, publisher, pioneer, etc. The last two terms are hard to explain. I signed up to be both an auxiliary and regular pioneer at different points because that was expected of me. If you don't do those things as a young person, you're considered "spiritually weak." As a regular pioneer, I was supposed to preach for at least 70 hours a month. I never met that goal. I usually got about 50 hours in. According to nonJWs, I was mostly an annoying cult member.
I’ve not seen or heard about her in a while, but she was certainly one of the more unpleasant people I’ve ever known apart from abusers. She had no empathy whatsoever. Of course, she had high status in the congregation and was considered to be one of the more "spiritual ones."

Here's another story about her:

We were in the car going to preach somewhere, and I decided to mention the book that I was currently reading. A persistent problem was that we were all thrown together constantly, but we had nothing, apart from religion, in common, so it was really hard to find things to talk about. Talking about food gets boring after a while...even for me. Anyway, I said that I was reading Moby Dick (penises again), and Cow Woman stated: "I don't know how you find the time to read novels. I have trouble keeping up with the Bible reading and Watchtower and Awake." Then she gave me a judgmental look. She wasn't just sharing her personal experience; she was implying that I wasn't doing what I was supposed to. Then I was back to: there's nothing to talk about.

Another thing: when someone was especially rude at a door, she'd talk about them being destroyed in Armageddon as though that was something to look forward to. References to vultures were made - I'll leave it at that. If they had a nice house, she'd say that maybe she'll choose that house in the New System. She's not the only JW who engages in that sort of talk, either, although they intentionally hide such stuff behind a friendly façade.

I was joking about the man being hot but yeah, I can imagine it's a very creepy feeling to be approaching strangers' houses and at the mercy of whoever opens the door.


Aside:

Did you consider selling Avon products at the same time, for some pocket money?
Maybe Tupperware, encyclopaedias, or vacuums?


------

Wait what, they're vindictive too??! !
That sounds awful. Such hypocrisy about peace.

Do they ever read other religious texts for ... comparison?

I would have volunteered to read Moby Dick AND stuff like The Satanic Verses, just to help identify or engage some commoners (Hell-goers? Damned ones? Sinners?) and debate/educate them on the error of their ways.

Was there a points-system like that or were they into burning books?


Also, I was in a religious scouting group called Pioneer Girls.

No wonder we both like Laura Ingalls!!

I never considered it because I found preaching awful enough. When I voiced how difficult it was for me, I was told that I just needed to do it more and that it would get easier with practice. It never did. In the long run, it was detrimental to my mental health. My parents thought that it would be a good social outlet for me as a homeschooler, but it's really not helpful if most of your interactions with people are negative.

ANYWAY, MLMs are really popular among JWs. I've been to many Tupperware, Pampered Chef, Mary Kay, and Avon parties. Fun./s
No, JWs aren't allowed to. They have a publication titled Mankind's Search for God. It's about world religions according to them. It's as bad as it sounds. They weren't into burning books unless it's about the occult, but it's strongly implied that most books will be destroyed in the New System.
I do like Laura Ingalls. My grandmother liked her a lot, too. I really take after her.

My grandfather said Little House on the Prairie was for sissies.

I'm still wounded by that.

In reality he wanted to watch Boxing on TV, instead.
They must have been on at the same time or something.

For real? Even literature?!

Yep, even literature. Pretty much all literary works contain stuff that conflicts with their beliefs in some way, so it's strongly implied that it won't be allowed in the New System. They don't talk about it that often. In any case, Paradise never seemed like a pleasant place, so I didn't mind losing it when I thoroughly examined my beliefs and found them to be lacking as an adult.

Have you read The Book Thief?

Not quite the same context, but still brilliant.

It's narrated by God.

Oh wait no, narrated by Death.

(Kind of the same personality?)

I haven't read it yet. It was on my reading list a while back, but I forgot all about it. I'll have to get to it one of these days.

I relate to The Scarlet Letter because I lived it in a way. It never ceases to amaze me how much hurtful s**t religions continue to cause.

I lost my copy of it. No idea where it went. I saw one in a second-hand shop but didn't want to do the self-checkout to get it. Maybe I'll get it used online.

The Scarlet Letter reminds me of you too, very unfortunately.



Same with The Tenant of Wildfell Hall


Does your brother go door-to-door?

My brother and nephew stopped all religious activities a couple months ago.

He was always better at preaching than I was, but we had very different upbringings in a lot of ways.

It was all about the penis, I bet.

Yeah, pretty much.

From a 2016 Pew poll:

https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads ... n-the-u-s/

I wonder if the difference for JWs is related to girls and women being raised to be meek and submissive in contrast to boys and men who are brought up with the notion that they are to "take the lead." It seems likely going off of what I've seen and experienced.

A bit off-topic: with the gender divide, many women are having trouble finding partners. JWs are only supposed to marry fellow believers who are in "good standing." The situation in my particular church with me being the only single young woman among various young men for a few years was a bit unusual (and unpleasant).

Let me guess, they're not big fans of same-sex relationships.

*scoff*

^ Definitely not. Like most homophobic, religious groups, they claim to “hate the sin, not the sinner.” Suicide among LGBTQ+ young people is a problem in the organization.

With love being the operative sin.

Right ...