So many people just don't get physical cold LIKE HOW TF

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I kind of felt tired all night long at one point I got so tired I tried to lie in bed closing my eyes and sleeping but I couldn't because my bedroom was too cold. Didn't want to put on extra layers either, not only was I feeling too cold to move but also it brings back memories of when I was at the foster home nights in which I looked like an astronaut going to sleep and then whinging about it at the special needs school the morning after, that weird 16-year-old kid that literally looked half his age and had an annoying high-pitched voice absolutely shocked at how I had to wear like 7 layers at a time. I have memories of being at the special needs school, the male normal teacher and the female teaching assistant and myself were the only people that were constantly whinging about how f*****g cold the room was (so cold it was hard to concentrate on doing anything) meanwhile all the other kids didn't feel the cold at all or at least didn't complain about it even if they didn't have jackets on. I know how people are going to respond, "aLl NeUrOdIvErGeNt PeOpLe ArE dIfFeReNt" that is not the point I see people all the time neurodivergent or not (IDK) intoxicated or not (IDK) ranging from male female young old rich poor white non-white stranger non-stranger etc etc etc do/say things that clearly indicate they are completely away with the fairies like believing they're in a shop when I can see with my eyes that they're right outside of the shop not inside of it as one example. Probably because of my CPTSD I struggle with incessant flashbacks and dissocation and social anxiety / agoraphobia / misanthropy / shyness so extreme I hate leaving the house (but I need cheap groceries and frequent refills of notebooks because I journal so much I'm out of lined paper before I know it, and I want/crave cheap cigarettes, the original energy drink sugar free, weed to dilute with tobacco and other smokeable herbs, walks in fields and forests and abandoned military train places with as little people as possible) and I quickly get extremely uneasy in the presence of anyone at all even when I'm supposed to "trust" them. Even "normal" people that don't do and say weird delusional creepy s**t and seem completely coherent and civilised literally all of the time you'll never know what their true nature could be they could be faking some kind of facade all of them as part of some massive conspiracy by some kind of authority too f*****g complex and vague for me to f*****g comprehend. I feel disconnected from my body and my surroundings a lot and constantly think about myself from third-person perspective because idk what the f**k I am but my senses are normal the most alteration that could ever happen to em is food tasting better cuz I had a joint (or that spinny floaty feeling I get off robitussin but that's different) I always know where I am and what I am doing and what time it is (well I often lose track of time but I'm not like them all the weirdos around me that as a vague analogy/estimate which probably isn't true IDK they think time itself is some colour or internet aesthetic or celebrity f**k knows what the actual consensus is, I forget what time it is constantly but being the most sane person ever I know it is one of the laws of physics it wouldn't be anything else) unlike AT LEAST 90% of people I meet the actual statistics could be almost 100% (I'm the odd one out). I'm only like this way because of pharmacological intervention. Had I not started self-medicating with weed and legal highs then I would have remained unenlightened, beyond normie beyond NPC beyond zoomer beyond capitalist beyond generic just absolutely f*****g worthless no wonder I would get bullied and ostracized everywhere I went (still feel like that even today. I could be as stoned as 50 bags asda dates and still get tenth degree burns within 10 seconds of attempting to interact with literally anyone aged younger than like 30).
Anyway basically I was too cold to sleep. All of a sudden I had chest pain and I panicked that I was going to die of a heart attack (forgetting that I am 18 years old, obviously too young to have a heart attack, the ambulance people reminded me about that and I felt dumb) and I was feeling pain in chest neck arms head etc etc called 999 out of panic and the ambulance people came shortly. I feel so embarrassed to call ambulances and/or go to hospital (when technically it's not necessary because I'm not actually dying) when they came into my house and do my physical observations I was noticeably distressed/agitated they told me generic dismissive crap like the same old "calm down" which does nothing and just before doing an ECG I got asked if I had a bra on (I'm transgender female to male and literally no-one respects that. Anyone that claims to think of me as a male is clearly lying) this is a tiny one bedroom bungalow I live in yet they were talking about how it was such a big house for one person implying that I'm so small both physically and mentally they were clearly infantilising me and underestimating my worth my abilities my intelligence like everything basically. Once it was over I tried my hardest to get them to leave the house as early as possible so I could smoke a cigarette in peace by myself to calm down and pop 2 nytol herbals with a valerian tea to try and actually get some f*****g sleep ("sleep is for the weak" and I would rather read books or watch Moomins or play n64 FPS games than sleep yet at the same time people think I'm being all cringey and edgy by thinking sleep deprivation is cOoL im so f*****g confused) 7.11am rn UK time feeling considerably tireder off the herbs even though I thought today that OTC herbs like valerian, lemon balm, St johns wort, etc are prolly just snake oil that does nothing I was so stupid for falling for that all this time I should have done benzos instead except I can't f*****g even access benzos in the f*****g first place just need to vent why does it always have to be to complete strangers on the internet and not my own notebook when it is really really bad yet I'm scared s**tless of IRL people that makes no sense (motivated me to look into absurdism)?? Anyway I hate how I'm really really really bad at being witty. I can't come up with some clever sneaky passive-aggressive way to get people to piss off, I just yell "f**k OFF" or "LEAVE ME ALONE", I'm s**t at arguing/debating, I'm s**t at logical reasoning, I f*****g hate how extremely irrational impulsive histrionic dramatic loud expressive flamboyant I am. I wish I was the opposite. "ThAt'S jUsT tHe WaY yOu ArE" or "BoYs ArE aLlOwEd To CrY" kinda sentences don't help vaguest shittiest weakest advice ever. Throughout the entire experience of being medically examined by fat bald guy paramedic strangers I wasn't just stammering out of awkwardness I got so overwhelmed by face-to-face human interaction (even within less than 5 seconds of seeing them) I seemed incoherent and could not think straight said stupid irrational cringey s**t. If so many grown adults e.g. professionals etc, describe my way of using vocabulary as "intelligent, educated, sophisticated, well-spoken, articulate" then how come I act and speak and behave like a f*****g overly emotional idiot with no rational faculties or critical thinking skills whatsoever most of the time. I don't speak that way because I am "sMaRt". I speak that way because I am autistic. Severely autistic, in fact. I hate how f*****g severely autistic I am. If I truly was high-functioning I would get diagnosed later in life, I'd have way better success finding employment and getting hold of actual f*****g drugs, I'd have a select number of close friends my own age by friends I mean meaningful relationships not just people I rely on entirely for validation / ego boosting / emotional support, I'd likely be an aesthetic conformist (or at least never give any f***s about fashion in the first place) instead of being overly authentic and dressing how I wanted to dress, as a few generalizations based on what I've seen. Even at the special needs school so many kids that also had autism would make fun of me because of how dumb and irrational and cringey I was. I'm still like that today I keep on thinking I've matured from my younger self but now I doubt that I've barely changed. I just hate myself so much.