Are relationships "work"?

Post Reply New Topic

I often hear the concept, especially with marriage but also in relationships, that being in a relationship is a lot of work. Because supposedly you have to constantly compromise and find ways to get along and it takes effort to do so. But I have to say that hasn't been my experience. Sure, I try to be accommodating and thoughtful, but it is a natural extension of my feelings of affection and respect toward my partner. To me, that's not "work".

I think for me the work comes from trying to resolve conflicts that naturally come from being different people. It feels so easy and natural to be around my partner that I've found it hard sometimes to understand why she can't see certain issues like I do and vice versa. It's work to still try and see things from another person's perspective when it doesn't match up to my own. Maybe that's more of a personal issue though.

I can see relationships needing work as they transition to different phases over the course of the relationship. Early eager puppydog love can't last solely forever and each party needs to bring something to the table for it to be worthwhile. Effort from both parties needs to be there to support the other, even sometimes when we don't want to. Those are just my assumptions, though.

I really like my bf's personality so it's not hard for me to be around him

I can see though that if I lived with him it would probably take a bit more effort simply because I'm really easy going and he's quite particular about things but I don't mind this about him to be fair but I can see that I would have to hold my tongue from time to time

But I'm never gonna live with him so that won't happen

I wouldn't call it work because that has a negative connotation but I think relationships require effort. I have three kids, seven pets, an ailing mother with dementia, and almost no time to myself despite being in burnout with chronic fatigue and requiring a huge amount of alone time to recharge. In my case that means I have to make the effort to make time for us to be alone, and time to devote to his needs/interests/trauma/emotional health in addition to my own. It's not a burden and I love our time together but I could easily slip into a pattern where I'm too tired or just don't have the spoons.

He doesn't have kids, he has only one pet (his brother will watch him whenever it's needed), and his parents are both deceased. He doesn't have the same stressors although now he's working part-time so he remembers what it's like to feel burnt out.

Speaking of which - Now I have to leave his place for another medical emergency with mum.

This is insane.

Now I feel guilty for having no parents and just pets to look after while she gets groundhog day and deathwatch.
On top of that she's got me.
Yes...this relationship is work....for her.
All I have to do is absorb the anger and despair.

I can't stand emotions me so I think that's why I couldn't live with my bf. He's the emotional type

I think I'd have to move into the garden shed or the garage and just lift weights for the rest of eternity

For me, my partner is very kind and thoughtful, and we don't live together so there aren't household issues we have to navigate, nor are we together all the time, so there isn't any of that kind of compromising and making room for the other person's wishes to attend to. But I still worry about being a burden to him because I am so sick with chronic fatigue and also find it very difficult to handle things I need to do. He has offered to help me with a task every week, which is incredibly thoughtful but it makes me worry about burdening him, even though he insists that everything is good. I'm always tying myself up in knots.

Yes but that is what makes them rewarding and worth it!! !

Relationships (romantic or otherwise) require sacrifices, communication and love

Without these 3 things the relationship will collapse & break down!

^^^ this

I think it's like any relationship with your family, community or friends or co-workers. Eventually you reach a kind of equilibrium where you don't consider the relationships as "work". It just happens.

As mentioned by others on this forum there are different levels of effort based on compromise and sacrifices. Initially this may seem a little burdensome but over time you don't notice.

Absolutely relationships require 'work' or effort, but that's not to say the effort has to be constantly taxing or exhausting.
If it is, you're probably in the wrong relationship.
Not putting in effort is how people drift apart.
Just communicating effectively with my partner is a constant effort for me, but it's an effort I consider worthwhile.