My brother attracted to his mates girlfriend

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My brother (who lives in London) confided in me the other day that he is deeply attracted to his friend’s girlfriend who he sees every weekend on social occasions. It’s come to the point though that he feels really nervous and awkward around her that he can’t be himself.


Any advice perhaps that I could give him?


My brother is 32 and the young lady he really likes is 19. Her boyfriend is 24.

Ain't humans a convoluted equation?
If it gets to the point he's avoiding contact surely it will be time to broach the subject and choose between them.

Since she's already in a relationship he might have to just back off. It's not nice to break up a relationship, and he would also have to worry about losing his friend.

I think that your brother should slow down a little.

Its funny, I've never been in this situation myself but known plenty of men who confided but nts don't actually express themselves directly. Its usually either "what is she doing with him' OR "she's out of his league" OR 'what does she see in him". I kinda know what they mean.

My best friend back in college and I went to a christmas party with a bunch of his church friends. One young college aged couple the boyfriend was a quintessential jerk and a bit of a nerd, he gave vibes he was overconfident but looked like a dweeb. My friend was attracted to this guys girlfriend who was a literal supermodel. My friend kept muttering and mocking the guy but framed it in terms of him punching above his weight. I tried to explain to friend that they met in church and thats how it happened. Once the irritating guy had enough (he noticed we were connecting with his girlfriend) he declared lets go! "we aren't going to see these people again". Openly rude, she didn't mind though, probably used to it. My friend was visibly agitated.

Jamesy - just tell your brother a lot of men go through this phase, its life, but eventually they find somebody and life moves on.

Oof. I'm so sorry to hear about your brother's trouble. It's a really rough spot to be in. I've been in similar situations and it always sucks. My solution has always been to back off, like Bee suggested. If he wants to stay friends with the guy then he should pick times/locations where the girlfriend is busy. Distance will definitely help things. Feelings don't always need to be validated. Even if, in the moment, they can be overwhelming. Eventually they will fade.

There is absolutely no way in which he can end up with this woman and you should warn him of that now so he doesn't get any ridiculous schemes in his head. Emotions can make people do stupid things. If he breaks them up, which is a terrible idea and he should not attempt it, the likelihood is she's just going to vanish from the social scene. People don't usually stay friends with their exes friends. So he'll lose her that way. Then there's the social implications of him doing that which will probably cause him to be ousted from the friend group. His safest bet is to just forget about it and move on. If he's able to play it cool maybe she's got a single friend she can introduce him to.

I wish him luck because this is hard

Do you think the age gap between them is to much?