Mixed messages

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I'm getting some mixed messages from a girl that I met a while ago and I was wondering if I could get some insight into why she may be acting the way she is.

A little background on how I met this person. I was at a roadside freedom rally in late March of this year. I was on a pedestrian island in the middle off the road waving my Canadian flag to attract attention and honks. While I was standing on the on the island with my flag over my shoulder a young Indian girl approached me and asked me what myself and my fellow freedom fighters were doing and why we were here. I explained that we were protesting government corruption and over taxation, to my surprise she actually found this interesting. The girl said to me that in India there is quite a lot of corruption and that she was surprised that this was happening in Canada also. Anyways, we keep on talking about various subjects including that she was from Punjab and that she was studying here in Canada. While I was talking to her I got the feeling that she was flirting with me, she was smiling and joking with me while making a lot of eye contact. So at the end of the conversation I asked her for her phone number and she gladly gave it to me. A day or so later I texted her to express how much I enjoyed talking with her, she said that she enjoyed talking with me also. At the end of this text conversation I asked her out to lunch and she said yes. This date was pending her schedule changing for work so when she gave me the heads up that she wasn't able to make it at that time I wasn't too disappointed. She was keen on rescheduling but over the next few weeks became more and more distant. Now I know some young women can have a tendency to be fickle when it comes to potential romantic/sexual partners, but the rate at quickly girl changed from fawning over me to having completely no interest astonished me. So, I did what any sane man would do in this situation and deleted the text conversation on my phone and went on with my life. Well here is the twist, I have seen this girl walk buy our rally about 2 or 3 times since and she always smiles and says hello and asks how I am doing. I assume that this is just making polite conversation to passers-by but the funny thing is that she always turns around to check me out once she gets to the crosswalk. It's just bizarre and it happened to me again today. So what do you think it is? Is just being polite / nice or is she maybe trying to garner attention from me as a source of male validation?


Anyways, thanks for reading this insanely long post, and I look forward to reading people's responses.


Canadian Freedom Lover

I'd say you're wasting your time looking for an explanation. Humans do all sorts of weird things for all sorts of weird reasons. If one is acting in a way that confuses you, unless you ask them directly what's going on, you'll never know. And even if you do ask you don't know they'll answer honestly. And even if they do answer honestly, how do you know they understand their own motivations well enough to be honest with themselves? You're on a hiding to nothing.

I'd say put it in a box labelled 'mysteries', continue being polite if you see her around and move on.

And try not to fall into the trap of thinking it's an example of women being typically awful. A couple of your comments suggest you're inclined to think that way. It won't serve you well.

Some Nice Girls™ will say 'yes' because they seem to believe saying 'no' would make them appear rude and stuck-up.  So they say 'yes' and then cancel later instead ("No hard feelings, right?") and come off looking like a flake.  They may repeat this until it finally dawns on you that they are simply not interested.

Next time you see her, just smile, wave, say nothing, and go right back to what you were doing.

When she looks at you, her intent might not be to check you out. It could be due to any number of reasons, including feeling uncomfortable for some reason which she tries to hide by being friendly. Could something in your interactions have made her uncomfortable that you know of? Sometimes it’s hard to pick up on that sort of thing. It could explain some of her other behavior, though. When I’m feeling uncomfortable, I’m typically less-inclined to reject someone outright.

My ex thought a sales clerk was checking him out in a grocery store a few years ago. She didn’t know we were together. He bought something, checked out and left. The clerk seemed friendly and polite to him as she typically was to customers although, being in my own little world, I wasn’t really paying close attention to the interaction. When I purchased an item immediately afterwards, the young woman said to me: “He was really scary.”

“Yeah, I know,” I earnestly replied.

When I got out of the store, my ex gloated: “Did you see the way she was checking me out?”

Feeling uncomfortable is just one possibility. As Duck said, people do weird things for any number of reasons. Sometimes it’s impossible to figure those reasons out.