Class Gap in relationships?

Post Reply New Topic

A lot gets said about age gap relationships. What about when one partner grew up in a poor or "working-class" family but the other's family was upper middle class or wealthy? For heterosexual couples, does it matter which gender has a poor vs. well-to-do upbringing?

Class is a weird topic for me. I grew up in a working class family. Most people in my family have or have had manual labor jobs. I was the first person to go to college, and it was a small, private, and at times snooty, liberal arts college at that. There’s other things I could say about personal tastes and preferences, but I don’t want to go the generalizing route. I will say that I don’t care if someone is working class, middle class, or whatever. What matters to me is having things in common, character traits, and stuff like that. Most people I’ve dated were working class now that I think about it, but it’s largely because that’s who I’ve mostly been around. Due to my background, I like people who are real and down-to-earth. I will say that I don’t really feel like I fit in anywhere even though class is much less pronounced in the US than in some other places. There have been times, especially around family and acquaintances, where I had to adjust what I’d say or how I’d say it to not appear snobby, and at other times, I made the conscious decision to avoid talking about my working class roots - mostly when I was in college.

Once, I went to a meet and greet at my college. I didn’t realize it was a semi-formal event, so I wore jeans and a tee shirt. When I told the dean that I homeschooled after he asked me about my educational background, he started talking about homeschooled students with private tutors and a background in Latin. I mostly learned about Jesus, but I decided not to mention it and quickly changed the subject.

Anyway, I’m very poor. Given my poverty, I’d probably find being with someone wealthy a challenge because I wouldn’t be able to afford the things they’re used to, and I wouldn’t feel comfortable with them paying for everything.

Class gap is like intercultural or interreligious.

the biggest issue is with family/friends/community. they can and will be judgey...some more extreme > others

Also acknowledge living together will reveal class differences in pretty much everything. Its all about compromise and how much you are willing to settle for and/or give up.

If I said no I would be lying but of course it means I would be making a generalisation. Men (In my opinion) would be more willing to overlook class differences but of course it all depends. I've been schooled here on WP that statistics don't matter in affairs of the heart. It's a matter for 2 people to sort out not the peanut gallery.

I'm in a weird position because I can't work because of my chronic illness, so I've always lived very frugally and the people I knew probably assumed I was poor, but I was never in danger of falling through the cracks because if I needed anything my family would be able to help me. I also went to fancy schools and colleges. So I am probably upper middle class but also have had very little money most of my life. The partners I've had have been working class and that is the milieu I'm most comfortable with, though they also have to be educated (including self-educated) and book-smart. I don't feel I have much in common with the people I went to school with, whom I mostly consider to be out of touch rich (ish) people. I don't think I could be with someone who was rich and who I felt was out of touch with common living.

Same. I made the mistake of searching on social media when I was in my late 20s and saw classmates were given a golden key to high flying careers and lifestyles due to their parent's connections. All perfectly natural they would take advantage and also natural I would have nothing to do with them, not because they are out of touch (it goes with the class circumstance) but because I never really moved in their social circles so that choice was made for me.

Some people look forward to, and even plan for, "marrying up" into a higher socio-economic class.

I have to wonder what part of their spirits, their ethics, or their morals they are willing to surrender to achieve their dreams.

I talked with a coworker that went on a mission to a third world country. He said that the women showed a lot of interest in him. He was much older and it was apparent that they judged him a rich man because he was from America. Anybody in America is rich, compared to people that do not have electricity or running water, for example. Financial need is not a good foundation to build a relationship on however. I think that there is a lot of risk, because once the lower class partner has improved their life, they can also divorce and discard the "stepping-stone," since all they ever wanted was money.

I grew up in a working-class family. In every relationship I've had, the other person has come from a more privileged background.

I'm probably from the underclass if I'm honest but my bf is probably lower middle class

So I suppose you could say I'm punching but it doesn't feel that way

How things have panned out for me is a classic example of social drift. I was raised in a solidly middle class family. We were quite well off, but not top 1% well off. I was privately educated at prep and then public school. My father had a brief spell as an army officer, before switching to work at the Foreign office. That's where he met my mother. He had a good though not spectacular career. Good enough to get a Who's who entry, but not high ranking enough to get an obituary notice in the Times and Telegraph.

I, on the other hand have had mental illness issues since my early teens, and first saw a pdoc a few months before my 17th birthday. At 18 it became severe mental illness. I have never had paid employment, never been a home owner. I drifted right down the social scale due to severe mental illness. The only middle class thing that has remained is my left of centre political views.

I met my future wife when we were both psych patients. Despite the near 22 years age difference and very different upbringings we got on well. Both her family and mine were less than happy about our relationship. We had 22 years together, 18 of those as a married couple. In the last few years my wife had vascular dementia and increasingly poor physical health. She died in 2005.

I think that class in the US is a much bigger factor than is acknowledged out in the open. Social injustice is largely based in class differences and specifically economic differences. Our society has somewhat fudged and obfuscated the issue by creating the perception that class is more social than economic, so that for instance a college professor can be considered to be in a privileged class even if they don't have much financial security.

Class is very connected to socioeconomic background in Australia. It determines your education therefore your capacity to earn income. We have the following
Old money - intergenerational wealth
New money - come into wealth in this generation
Middle class - professionals (own their own home/apartment)
Middle class - blue collar (own their own home/apartment)
Working poor - barely making ends meet (renting)
Unemployed - couch surfing
homeless

there is a tendency in old days for white collar people to snub blue collar based on higher education and incompatible lifestyles.
But as universities have opened up new possibilities, children of blue collar now marry children of white collar.

Interesting bio. I think that was a big achievement, a marriage that lasted, especially these days.

My wife needs to at least come from a single-digit millionaire family or future millionaire family.Single-digit millionaire is the class that my parents are.So Ideally, she would need to come from a upper middle class or lower upper family like my family.However I am willing to marry someone from a working class background provided her parents are millionaires or will be.I guess her dad could be like a plumber or a roughneck in that case if she came from blue collar background.

However ideally, I would want my wife to at least come from a double digit millionaire family that has a ranch and hopefully mineral rights with oil and gas wells on their land or a good ranch in the Texas Hill Country.However I am not holding out for that exactly.I know many of you may think millionaire is super rich but really in today's America it means having a paid-off home and a big 401k.So ideally I would want my wife's family to have a paid-off home and a big 401k or other retirement accounts.I am not marrying into a family unless the in-laws are at least millionaires or future millionaires.This is my native class.I have been low income for a lot of my adult life but I have been investing faithfully so I should be a self-made millionaire in the next decade or two.

I would say if I moved out I would be lower-middle class.I am very willing to marry someone who is on track to be a millionaire but who is not a high earner for example like a teacher.I once dated a woman whose family were making millions a month in oil royalties but I just could not marry for money because of other reasons.I also dated the daughter of a oil tycoon but she broke up with me.However it is my plan to marry up in class if at all possible but I wont marry someone just for the money alone.I had the chance and I did not take it.But I sure could have.Ideally I would want my wife to come from the top 1 percent.I would want my father-in-law to be rich enough for a whole life insurance policy to make sense for him and not be a rip-off.Ideally I would want my in-laws to be in the top federal income tax bracket and to have a big enough estate to pay estate taxes when they pass.