Struggling with dating

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I am in an LDR with someone currently.....but the problem is, the woman lives in California. She is also on the spectrum, but she told me she would have a really hard time leaving her current state to move to me in the future because she obtained her services in California, she is worried if she moves to my state (New Jersey) she will lose all her services and will not be able to obtain services in my state. I cannot move to her state because of the same reasons, I also have services here and would possibly not be able to obtain services in her state, and I have friends and family I cannot leave behind here. So, while we are still in somewhat of a relationship currently.....it may end because we cannot close the gap.

I have tried in vain to meet a woman in my local area only to constantly come up short. NT women find me too weird to date and generally ignore me/pretend I don't exist, so I only go with ND women. I have tried meetups and other social groups to meet ND women as well as dating apps and only got one gf out of it last year that lived about an hour away. There are some dating events for people on the spectrum in this area......but they are more for the much lower functioning and at the meetups women are looking for friendships and not so much a relationship. Most of the women who have shown interest otherwise were online from a site called Autistic Empathy and lived in totally different states....the exception was the one last year and another brief fling I had shortly after.

I have also looked into dance classes, D and D, and other board gaming events, but I would need the women at these places to be neurodiverse or have ADHD to have a chance of success.

I am not sure what I can or should do in this situation.

I'm so sorry to hear that, Duck. The state by state system for services is so stupid. My brother lost his and never got them back when we were children and had to move states for my dad's job. It's a very valid fear that you'll never be able to regain them. I wish I had a solution for you there, but there are just so many things wrong with the system. I'm so sorry. That really sucks.

The beauty, and curse, of long distance relationships is that it widens the net and gives you the opportunity to meet some incredible people, but it puts a lot of sacrifice on the one partner who moves to close the gap. Unless both of you move...but it seems ridiculous to put yourselves in a situation where you both lose services. The only advice I have for you is to establish who would be the one to move to close the gap in the very beginning of any new LDR. If neither of you can move, that makes it an easy, if unfortunate, answer if not being able to close the gap is a dealbreaker for you. All of my relationships have been LDR and it was pretty much always assumed I'd be the one moving because I require no services, most of my family is dead, and the "local" friends I do have I see maybe a few times a year in person because they're still an hour+ away. I guess look for women with equally pathetic social lives? (I'm joking)

Anyway, as for finding a local relationship, going to dance classes, D&D, and board gaming events is a great idea! They attract loads of ND women. If you're good at picking other ND people out of a crowd, I'm very confident you'll find a few. Almost all of my friends are ND and they go to things like this when they feel like socializing. One thing to remember is that there are a lot of women who are late/never diagnosed. They might not know they are ND, but that doesn't make them any less ND. I had many friends like this growing up. Some women are also phenomenal at masking. You might not spot them right away. I wish you lots of luck and hope you're able to find what you're looking for!

Oh, by the way. How you you like the Autistic Empathy app? I am just downloading it right now to try it out.

Update: I did meet a woman on hinge and she’s about 40 minutes away, so I scheduled a date with her for Wednesday. I will see what happens with that.