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colliegrace
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12 Oct 2024, 3:38 pm

It does seem that we tend to be more willing to appear child-ish and/or just refuse to conform to social norms

I have a backpack that is a giant stuffed collie dog (though a lot of people also think it's a teddy bear) and I've had people ask me things like if I work with children.... my answer is that I simply find plush animals comforting. (Especially right now in the current season of my life where I'm super stressed out and finding out I simply cannot do the same kinds of things most people can. Or at least not do that and keep up for so long.)


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12 Oct 2024, 4:04 pm

There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with being a little bit "childish", Autistic or not!! !

Look at cartoon character SpongeBob SquarePants

He is an adult who acts like a kid

And the character is Autistic according to his voice actor Tom Kenny

You just have to be able to balance the "adult" and "child" sides of your personality so one side doesn't overpower the other, like SpongeBob does


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bsickler
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12 Oct 2024, 8:06 pm

Eh, I think this is a stereotype enforced by NTs through infantilization. Most autistic adults are not any more “childish” than their NT counterparts, they’re just treated that way.

Case in point, Disney Adults. And yet, the Disney adult won’t be treated as a child by NTs.

Another example, lots of NTs have stuffies in their work space at their job. Or in their car in the dashboard. Overall stuffies are pretty common. And yet these people are not treated like children.

As far as social norms go, I think most autistic people try for many years but eventually get to a point in their lives where they’re just over it. They’re too old for this cow manure, it consumes way too time and energy.

Kind of similar to a change in mindset: “real adults eat their dinner and vegetables before dessert!” To “I’m an adult and I’ll eat ice cream if I want”.

Judge me for eating ice cream? Yeah okay whatever. Enjoy your veggies.



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13 Oct 2024, 2:05 am

colliegrace wrote:
It does seem that we tend to be more willing to appear child-ish and/or just refuse to conform to social norms

I have a backpack that is a giant stuffed collie dog (though a lot of people also think it's a teddy bear) and I've had people ask me things like if I work with children.... my answer is that I simply find plush animals comforting. (Especially right now in the current season of my life where I'm super stressed out and finding out I simply cannot do the same kinds of things most people can. Or at least not do that and keep up for so long.)


Because I really am childish and immature, I suppose.


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13 Oct 2024, 2:24 am

bsickler wrote:
Eh, I think this is a stereotype enforced by NTs through infantilization. Most autistic adults are not any more “childish” than their NT counterparts, they’re just treated that way.

Case in point, Disney Adults. And yet, the Disney adult won’t be treated as a child by NTs.

Another example, lots of NTs have stuffies in their work space at their job. Or in their car in the dashboard. Overall stuffies are pretty common. And yet these people are not treated like children.

As far as social norms go, I think most autistic people try for many years but eventually get to a point in their lives where they’re just over it. They’re too old for this cow manure, it consumes way too time and energy.

Kind of similar to a change in mindset: “real adults eat their dinner and vegetables before dessert!” To “I’m an adult and I’ll eat ice cream if I want”.

Judge me for eating ice cream? Yeah okay whatever. Enjoy your veggies.


I think there's two intertwined issues here. Autistics often are infantilized, but it doesn't mean that we're not also more likely to be childish.

A lot of autistic adults are childish, but some non-autistic adults are also childish. People might appear childish because of their interests, but there's also other things like being overly self-centred, poor emotional regulation, etc.

Someone who's both emotionally childish and has childish interests will likely be infantilized by adult peers, NT or not.

People who see developmental issues like autism as delays or early plateaus might further infantilize autists.

Someone who's emotionally childish, but doesn't have any sorts of diagnosed issues and also doesn't have any childish interests likely won't face being infantilized at first, but as people get to know them better often they'll realize they need to deal with that person like they were a child.

Being childish in some ways doesn't mean one can't be mature in others, or handle adult responsibilities and as adults people owe it to assume that autistic adults can manage unless they disclose otherwise. That said (not unlike an actual child) the costs of managing those responsibilities might be higher than with an average adult and empathy for that possibility should exist.

Basically autistic adults should be given the benefit of the doubt when it comes to our competency as adults, but also we shouldn't flinch from the notion that some adults are childish (autistic or not).


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13 Oct 2024, 2:35 am

I'd rather be ageless.
Because any appearance or impression of age just... Do not fully resonate with me.

Never cared for the idea of the appearance of childishness and the appearance of 'maturity'.
If anything, I want the freedom and resilience of a child and the wisdom and experience of an adult.


:roll: As an ace, could care less about attractiveness. If appearing 'childishness' is a repellent, I'm all for it.
So go ahead, :twisted: I'm more than willing to be someone who's a huge creepy red flag indicator.
Managed to expose a few creeps on my own and got themselves caught red handed and it was satisfying. :lol:

As for being treated socially like either of one or the other -- I can adapt.
I can make use of everyone's preconception of me, whether they thought I have more wisdom and esteem or lack thereof.
So if one tries to nurture me, put me under their wing or baby talk... I can speak for myself whenever I wanted to, break the stupid game I've been playing along with them and put them off kilter over the fact that I never needed any of them in the first place...

Anyone telling me I look younger than my age, or seemingly mature for someone my age -- well, I'm past from perceiving these remarks as a compliment.


Well...
Most of my problems are just related to language eloquence and processing, along with emotional lability.
In which the latter is slowly dissolving itself recently. If I already know how to make do with it, what else I can do more without it burdening me? :lol:


I just don't have the same insecurities nor neediness to affirm that I'm an "equal" to NTs related to this 'social self imagery'...


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colliegrace
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13 Oct 2024, 5:17 am

I have been told that I act much younger than my age. Which made me feel awful cuz this person was telling me how immature and unintentionally selfish I am and they said it's "common with autism" which just came across to me as "you have bad qualities and you're stuck with them"


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Mikurotoro92
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13 Oct 2024, 2:29 pm

My neighbor Anita told me that I am stuck in a "child-like state" and because of that I will NEVER get married, have a job, or children!! !

SpongeBob is proof that this just is NOT true!

He may not be married or have his own children but he does have a job and his own house despite being Autistic

Childish adults can do anything that so-called "mature adults" can do!


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Edna3362
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13 Oct 2024, 5:58 pm

colliegrace wrote:
I have been told that I act much younger than my age. Which made me feel awful cuz this person was telling me how immature and unintentionally selfish I am and they said it's "common with autism" which just came across to me as "you have bad qualities and you're stuck with them"

I've unlearned those ideas by the time I'm 15.

Else I'd be wrought with more shame for 'not keeping up' and 'having labels', all because of some damnable 5 year old's unprocessed emotions never gave me a break until just this year, on top of puberty and everything related to becoming a teenager giving me burnout strong enough to make me stop school for years...


That appearances are for people to react to.
While most would rather have command the respect and attractiveness or for being approachable and cool -- I make do with what I get instead.

But a good reason of being forced to make do with how people reacts to me it is mostly because of the same things that made me appear child-like.
Except I knew better than to trust my so called sentiments, programmed involuntary reactions and beliefs that do not actually belong to me.


Maybe you just need to heal this aspect of you, not just unlearning the overall the idea of appearances.

When I did, I suddenly just stopped this... Unwanted involuntary egotistical reactivity with this unconscious close mindedness that I never signed up for -- that it's not me.

And I confirmed that it's not even the autism.
Not the 'selfishness' or even the egotism.

Whether or not it's "common with autism" -- that doesn't deter me, since I basically overcome things that are "common with autism". :roll:
I throw people away from my life, or at least stop taking them seriously -- those who dares to use the label to manipulate and use it against me.

But there's no shame if you don't know how or couldn't.
Because, to most humans, it's actually not a common phenomenon or skillset unless you have a competent professional on your back.


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FemmeDimanche
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14 Oct 2024, 8:28 am

bsickler wrote:
Eh, I think this is a stereotype enforced by NTs through infantilization. Most autistic adults are not any more “childish” than their NT counterparts, they’re just treated that way.


Seconding this statement. @funeralxempire also stated it succintly here:

funeralxempire wrote:

I think there's two intertwined issues here. Autistics often are infantilized, but it doesn't mean that we're not also more likely to be childish.

A lot of autistic adults are childish, but some non-autistic adults are also childish. People might appear childish because of their interests, but there's also other things like being overly self-centred, poor emotional regulation, etc.

Someone who's both emotionally childish and has childish interests will likely be infantilized by adult peers, NT or not.



Basically, a lot of autistic people tend to have interests that are perceived as childish, but it's seen as this even more so when we do it.

To speak from personal experience, I assume people tend to see me in a more childish light, given the way my room is decorated, and that I tend to collect plushes and pins, as well own things like ita purses that I enjoy carrying with me. My mom recently got me a new purse, stating that I need to carry around one that a "25 year old would actually wear."

It really depends on what appearances you want to keep up at the end of the day. I say ignore what NTs say about your interests and do what you want forever and ever.



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14 Oct 2024, 8:57 pm

I do think a large part of it is ableism. However, I also think autistic people are more likely to resemble children--but not in a negative way.

The word "childish" is meant to be derogatory. But what people always overlook is that children's brains work differently than adults' and to think like a child isn't necessarily bad. For example, children never stop asking questions about their world. Children naturally have a level of curiosity that some adults spend their whole lives trying to achieve. Many people lose this quality when they grow up. I didn't, and that has benefited me in unique ways.

So having qualities that usually only children have isn't necessarily a bad thing. But NTs will still use it as an excuse to be an @sshole.


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colliegrace
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14 Oct 2024, 10:01 pm

I think another thing is a lot of us have poor emotional regulation. Though that is often due to being more easily overwhelmed in many ways

I think that can come across as childish


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