Get more apathetic about life as time goes on

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I believe it's a symptom of being disconnected from society.
I've lived on benefits for coming on 7 years.
I live on my own and take care of my own bills, but I am not a part of anything meaningful.

I recently filed a human rights complaint against an employer for their discriminatory hiring practice.
I legitimately believe I was treated unfairly and basically only care to see if I can get a monetary settlement at this point.

There's a saying 'People only care about themselves'. I think that's very true and I am one of these people.
Sure I care on some level about the well being of others, but I become much more apathetic as a result of being isolated.

I had a poor experience with the local police a few years ago where I was assaulted while trying to make a traffic report.
https://imgur.com/a/assaulted-by-since- ... er-7LRFeCC
I have considered suing the police department with the goal of obtaining a settlement. I have a lot of evidence and believe in my case, but I have also not been able to find any lawyer willing to take on the case. In fact, all of them have advised against litigation. I can do it on my own without representation, but if I lose - I would be on the hook for legal costs.

I am an accomplished musician and was a professional for over 10 years. I have no instrument to practice on and this can be demoralizing. I need at minimum a high quality instrument like a Yamaha U3 which may cost $5-7 thousand.
As I rent and this amount of money is still a significant sum for me, I am reluctant to purchase one.

I'd like to own my own property within a year, ideally. I do save and invest. I've had some very poor habits which have cost me financially significant sums. Yet I also have the self discipline to change my ways.

It's important for me to improve my financial status. I wish there was a more obvious way to do this. If I could do it through helping the autistic community, I would be open to that.

I have made donations to charities and especially to Ukraine as I have Ukrainian heritage. I have followed the war closely. I have gone to several Ukrainian rallies. I have found it difficult to connect socially with this group as I do not speak their language. I go to their rallies but don't feel like I'm really there. As a result I have stopped attending. I almost feel as if the group only cares if I donate to them.

I notice a lot of hate in the world. Online message boards can be full of vitriol. I've been on the receiving end of a lot of it.
I've perhaps been a bit naive in sharing some of my circumstances on a different message board. There are some incredibly desperate and hateful people. I doubt any of them would ever make their remarks to my face. I would be tempted to give them a fistful of teeth.

I am a screenwriter and have a drama/comedy tv pilot. It has placed in a screenwriting contest. It's been a dream of mine. I've always wanted to live in NYC. I took a trip there in 2020 for a week. I've never had any breakthrough. It's not impossible that it can be produced and sold, but I am not making any more efforts.
If it does somehow breakthrough, it will have to be in such a way that I cannot see at this moment.

There is more that I can say, but I think I'll leave it at that.

Sometimes we have to choose a path in life of total disconnection from others or some degree of social integration. The isolated life can find a preoccupation with consumption. However, this life tends to find consumption a hunger that is never satisfied. The alternative can be small steps to social interaction where doing things for others can provide some satisfaction.

One might experiment with various types of volunteer work where a common task can reduce the discomfort of social interaction. As a musician, you might try your hand a street performing even if it is with an inferior instrument.

Hi,
Thanks for your reply.
I don't have many people in my life so even responding to posts on here is meaningful.
I have a friend who is an artist and we go for hamburgers once every few months.
It's my birthday in about 9 days and we're going for a hamburger soon.
So that's something to look forward to.

It seems odd that I'm in this position in my life where I'm not around many people.
I've volunteered in the past. I don't know though.. I'd have to look online.
If I could find an opportunity perhaps as a conversational partner to help Ukrianian refugees, I would be open to that.
If such an opportunity exists.

I am not uncomfortable with social interaction. I just don't have much of it presently.

As a musician I definitely need a quality instrument to practice on.
I was a busker in the past. I have performed on cruise lines.
My ego demands a quality instrument. I just won't entertain something of poor quality.
The public library has a piano but I don't enjoy using it most of the time.
That and the fact the public library can attract odd characters - sometimes you see people passed out from drugs or alcohol inside.
It's a hit or miss environment. I value my privacy.
Going to the library to play piano - it's almost humiliating.
The piano there is functional but in relatively poor condition.
I want to play on something I deserve.

I know it won't drop into my lap, but I do feel entitled to a very good piano.
Somehow I have to make changes in my life and it will come.

Here's another thing that I'm upset about.

Scammers. Why are there so many scammers in the world?
People want to capitalize on others. They think nothing of it.
All they think about is $$ they can get for themselves. It's disgusting.
I'll share two quick stories.

I follow Billy Joel and his daughter Alexa Ray on social media.
Actually find his daughter to be very interactive with her fans.

Anyways, scammers will end up impersonating Billy Joel and his management.
I fell for one of their scams.
I never sent any money. I'm not that gullable. But they did have me believe it was Billy Joel
for a while under the guise of setting up a meet and greet.

It's evil for scammers to do this. I live alone. I don't have a wife, girlfriend or even roommate who I can bounce ideas off of or ask for their perspectives. It's me alone at my computer.

I'm kind of more vulnerable in that aspect. I'm a scammers perfect target because I'm more isolated.

It's disgusting. I wish this world was rid of evil.

There's also scammers on dating websites. It's got to stop.

https://www.bbc.com/reel/video/p0g6q7wd/kakeibo-the-japanese-art-of-saving-money
The Japanese use a paper ledger to help them save money so they can buy what they need.

Is there a Church or similar organization where you could practice and play on a quality instrument?

Hello,

Yes there are a few churches. I'm not religious.
I need something to practice on at home.
I'm a very stubborn person.
My desire to access a piano isn't strong enough to go to a random place
and try an instrument at random that I have no idea the quality of.

I want to be able to work on things in my own privacy.
I was gifted a high quality keyboard a few years ago by someone who was connected to the autism community.
She was a kind woman and she actually ran for city council. I of course voted her.
I was experiencing a lot of depression and while I used the keyboard for over a year, I ended up giving it back.

I made this today. feel a bit more productive.