I've started getting dressed again in clean clothes. Showering every other day. Taking meds consistently. I've cut down on certain habits. I just feel better. My hair is better.
Honestly I still am hallucinating but not a lot. Just hearing occasional voices, talking to them sometimes, and sometimes having random things pop up. They're not as bad though. I don't know how to explain it but sometimes I have random thoughts, where I am doing something I'm not or talking and walking with people who don't exist. I struggled with internal stigma but I'm not so much lately. It can get to me when I realize not a lot of other people I know can understand fully. However I'm getting better at explaining it.
I am writing a lot. Not in a frantic way. In a healthy way. I have more energy not in a bad way. I've had it where I was waking up multiple times and pacing, running up and down stairs, and literally buzzing with excitement. Now I'm getting restful sleep for a healthy amount of time. It used to be 4 hrs if I was lucky. I'm talking more. I don't feel so much dread. Used to get dread a lot and think the neighbours were commenting on how often I'd walk into the washroom, watching me in the shower etc. I don't think I'm a prophet or anything. I stopped having "paralysis" in the morning. It was awful. I'd wake up and not be able to get up just move around. I'd hallucinate too and feel scared. It would sometimes cause me to get out at 4 pm, go to the sofa and just sit there with my head in my hands for hours.
I can move better too. I even think I could take the bus. I just feel so much more capable. I feel ok that I have limitations cause it's not my fault I'm realizing. I'm listening to music a lot too.
30 Nov 2024, 5:46 pm
